THE ULTIMATUM!

OUT OF HOURS HEALTH AND FAMILY (INTERACTIVE)
1

GET A JOB OR GET OUT…

Well well what a difference a year makes, this time last year i had booked the tickets for eurostar and hotel in paris as a surprise for her birthday and valentines, this year im told if im not working and cant pay the rent then im out.

The five years we have been together i have worked my arse of and always paid my share of things and more, she is training as a chef for a well known TV chef, probably the first one you think of, frankly he pays peanuts, she is on a salary and sometimes doing 16 hours a day, anyway the money that she earns is not enough alone to cover the rent and bills whilst i search for work and wait for the calls so she has decided that her career is far more important and is going to move into a smaller place that is cheaper, and her father who is fairly well off has offered to help her out (but not if i am around not working).

The rent is due next week for the month of feburary i have enough to pay my share of the rent and then im skint and with no income, she has said that i must pay the rent for next month but im thinking if i do that then i have absolutley nothing, pennyless again, so im going to go (back to my parents again) and keep that last piece of money and tell her that her father will have to help her out and if she moves out she will get the deposit back anyway.

is this being unreasonable, weve tried to talk about it but there is no reasoning with her, her father has told her i cant blame the recession for not having a job, theres plenty of work out there, i am trying and looking everywhere but to live where we do is not cheap and so to compensate for her low wage i need to earn high and with every door being closed at the moment there is not a lot of hope.

is anybody else having a similar crisis as a result of unemployment, its hard to think about spliting with the person you love but i dont know what else to do now…

2

Ye gods, that’s harsh.
Another twit pulled in by the “There’s plenty of work around” line…It’s not true, I know it, you know it, he doesn’t…
Take a break from it all, but keep in touch with her, maybe she’ll come to her senses at some point.

Good luck mate, sounds like you need it.

3

Only you can decide what to do but there’s more to life than money. If I was in your position and wasn’t married to the woman I would certainly be looking at my options. If it’s a case of ‘get a job or get out’ then I would be inclined to take the latter option. If you’re young then start again, what have you lost? put it down to experience. Do you want to ‘live to work’ or ‘work to live’? Your choice, but good luck whatever you decide to do :wink:

Tiger

4

For richer, For poorer, In sickness, And in Health.

Well that’s what me and the missus said 17 years ago.
We meant those words. And they mean as much today as they did back then.

It appears that this women you’re with wouldn’t take the same words seriously if you tied the knot.
Therefore you’re better off without her, but make sure you give her one before you [zb] off. :laughing:

5

What he said ! :wink:

6

the blokes a zb wit
she dont sound much better
why does she listen to him

please edit your post with gaps it will be easier to read and understand
not sure whats worse a wife who does what her parents think

or one who dosn’t want to offend her (deprived ) daughter

dont worry about now :astonished:
cos someone will be there to kick you when your down :cry:

7

ermmmmmmm if thats her atitude then get your stuff n move on mate

and if it was me and i had paid towards the deposit i would want some of that aswell lifes to short if you cnt find a job what on earth are you expected to do ■■

:wink:

8

Show her some of the threads on this website!

Then maybe she will realise just how hard it is to get a job!

9

as hard as it would be its time to move on, she wants a job as a chef and is going for it, you want a job driving and are trying just like thousands of other drivers in the uk and failing miserably at it.

her dad probably hasnt done a hard days graft in his life tbh by the sounds of it. theres plenty of work yes but 80% of them wont be enough to cover the bills.

10

You cant have ultimatums in a relationship.
IF you havent already, let her see what you have been doing in order to get work.If no change in her attitude you will have to accept that it is over .Its sad ,we all know .There are more fish in the sea.I wish you well in the future.

11

Am i right in saying its Anthony W T■■?

Dont sound like you were in a relationship, sounds more like business partners if thats her attitude, get out plenty more fish in the sea and most dont come home sweaty and smelling of Salmon Pate :unamused:

12

tell her to get stuffed

13

Coddy:
Am i right in saying its Anthony W T■■?

no, but he is a GReat chef too. :wink:

14

i gathered it was gordon ramsey before your last post. my mates son was working for him a few years ago and the hours were long and the pay was short.

anyway, back to you.

get out and stay out, if that is her attitude then you are better off without her. if she cant support you for a few months (or her pheasant eating, butler abusing mummy and daddy cant) then ■■■ in the fridge and wee in the freezer and move back to your mum and dads. at least they will understand what it is like as no doubt they will live in the real world, like the rest of us.

as people have said plenty more fish in the sea but who wants to ■■■■ a fish■■?

15

Pulling together in hard times is what makes any relationship.
If she can’t do that then she doesn’t love you.

That isn’t what you want to hear but it’s the truth :cry: .

Pat

16

I agree with Limeyphil - a committed relationship should be a proper partnership - and be for better or worse.

Kemaro’s young lady does seem to have bought into both parts of that equation!

kemaro:
to live where we do is not cheap and so to compensate for her low wage i need to earn high …

So she was expecting you to compensate for her low earnings while she followed her dream and you were happy to do that - good for you, that’s how it should be - in a genuine partnership.

In a partnership you look after each other - it’s give and take. There has to be balance and equality.

May be both partners work long hours in jobs they don’t necessarily enjoy, to make enough money to build a future.

Perhaps the girl works while her man goes to college or retrains in something, or is struggling to find work, then he works while she has their children or goes back to school. Later she gets a part-time job so her man can work less hours and they can spend more time together, etc. Sounds ideal, doesn’t it?!

And now that you’re not able to subsidise her dream, you’re no good to her■■?

I don’t understand why she couldn’t have moved to somewhere cheaper way before this, to take the strain off you.

Perhaps I’m old-fashioned, but in a partnership you pool all the resources, how ever meagre they might be and you live in a cardboard box if necessary, as long as you are together (I appreciate this would be more difficult with children!)

You certainly don’t take a hand out from your parents that doesn’t include the man you supposedly love!

It sounds as though she doesn’t appreciate you - neither the good times you had nor the pain you’re feeling now.

It’s no fun struggling to find work and I won’t justify her father’s ignorance with a comment.

I’m sorry, but I think you deserve better. Save your money. She’ll get the deposit back.

Be thankful you didn’t devote more of your life to this lady and that there aren’t children involved.

Look for someone who will appreciate you - with or without a job!

Good luck, both with resolving things with your lady and getting a really good job.

17

after sitting here and thinking about the whole thing and talking with friends and family and reading thee responses on here the decision is made, im leaving, im obviously surplus to requirments now so im going to take what little money i have and enjoy the six nations tournament to start, i ahve said it to her and all i got was well im not paying for you whilst your out of work…

18

good decision

19

As she wasn’t begging you to stay or give it another chance, you can now see you made the right decision.

It’s very sad, but good for you for biting the bullet.

It takes a lot of bravery to walk away from a five year relationship with someone you love and who you thought loved you too, but it wasn’t what you thought it was. It’s her loss, in every way.

Now concentrate on finding that great job and finding a loving lady - preferably one who enjoys watching Six Nations too!

20

Good luck buddy :frowning: I’m really sorry to hear of your woes lets hope that this new start is a great one and you look back on it as a blessing in disguise. :wink: