We all know how it should be, but let’s do our own code for how it actually is.
222 Car drivers, on a dual carriageway do not overtake large vehicles. You must sit alongside them matching their speed and wait for a roundabout and then attempt to pass when the large vehicle is negotiating the roundabout and is obviuosly going to leave you lots of room to let you past with a toot of the horn and a cheery 5 knuckle wave.
One rule per post please 
Car drivers over take in middle lane just before a junction then cut infront of you last minute and exit at junction…
Rule 1
only trucks allowed on. M 25 
Drive with your main beams on and only turn them off when flashed by other road users. Switch them on again after 5 seconds.
Rule 2.
para 1:
Never give way to other road users even when they have right of way by default.
para 2:
Allways make your manoevere without checking mirrors 1st - or safety check over shoulder or glancing out of your side vision windows and forget to use your indicators (which are the coloured glass bits on all four corners , controlled by stick thingy next to turny thingy).
para 3 : Blast your horn frequently giving clear hand/finger gestures of intentions to others - no matter what your parentage.
para 4 : sub-para 2:
Do feel free to pull-out /change direction at a moments notice infront of motorcycles and then continue rest of journey in whatever lane you choose without needing to move or adjust turny thingy (large round thing that you lean coffee cup/ mobile phone against).
Happy Driving …
Christmas is here soon , so all will be able to flash lights / wave / and sound all new gift horns loud and constant to make everyone aware of their luvly little pressie they got from Santa … W~#k**s
Merry F`in Xmas .
When joining Motorways and Dualcarriageways be assured that traffic will always move over and let you join irrelevant of other vehicles that be on their offside.
The broken lines on slip roads do not mean “treat as T junction and Give way”, they mean just join the road at any speed you like with no concern about other traffic.
Rule 300. Parking. Loading areas and marked bays may be used for free parking whilst you go to the shops. Make sure to park in the exact centre of them.
On motorways Make sure you overtake HGV’s and once pulled in front of them travel at 53-55 mph. Or if the middle lane is clear just sit there whilst the archers is on.
Cyclists :
When a red light shows make sure you pretend to be stopping but carry on streight through also when a HGV/PCV is indicating left at a junction this means you pass on the side his light is flashing.
Ladies (and gents :s ) :
The mirror attached to your windscreen is for aiding you in the aplication of makeup nothing else. Also in summer months the sun screen on your sun roof must remain open to allow ‘light into the vehicle’
City bus drivers :
When pulling out of a stop always remember not to indicate there is a sticker displayed on the back of your vehicle to alert every driver it’s their fault and a £200 when you pull out.
Don’t forget to always use your fog lights (especially when the weather is fine and dry) only turn them off when all other vehicles are flashing there headlights at you & obviously when you’ve get home and asked somebody what that bright light is on the dashboard…
If a HGV moves into the middle lane to ensure your joining into the motorway, you have to maintain its speed and staying on its side avoiding the HGV’s returning into the left lane.
roundabouts : when turning right or even going to 4th or more exit, enter in the left hand lane and stay there untill you get to the exit you want (it saves getting confused when you need to filter left at the exit before the one you want) anyone else can get stuffed as theyre plainly in the wrong. 
starfighter:
Rule 300. Parking. Loading areas and marked bays may be used for free parking whilst you go to the shops. Make sure to park in the exact centre of them.
Love it! That really is annoying 
Rule 1. On cold winter mornings just clear a small letterbox sized hole on the windscreen to look through, no need to brush snow off the roof as that will blow off into others as you go along.
Ban all trucks from the roads as they are to big and slow and just get everyone’s way offending the much superior car driver. Those who drive such vehicles only do so for fun anyway an do absolutely nothing for any industry as shops and such like have a never ending stock room.
To aid this new rule
All other vehicles must adhere to ALL the above posts until truck drivers go and get a proper job
Rule69:
Cars drivers/van drivers, show no signals of any kind at any roundabout
All car drivers when entering a duel carriageway should make the HGV pull in to lane 2, and once there, and the lorry is along side you, you must pull away at speed leaving the truck in lane 2. 
Most important remember M.S.M that is:-
M. Manoeuvre (wild jerky pulling at the wheel is best this way you can give maximum surprise to other road users)
S. Signal (now you have completed your move a quick flash of your indicators makes everything ok)
M. Mirror (this bit allows you to see the trail of mayhem behind, then smile smugly at what a good driver you are)
When joining a motorway in a car you MUST:
1, Pull out immediately into the centre lane, or on a two lane road, the outside lane.
2, Ignore any vehicle that has more than four wheels
3, When the lane of choice is reached you must try out your brakes, this allows all vehicles behind you to do the same and has the added benefit of slowing down anything bigger than your car.
4, You are free to ignore speed limits, especially through roadworks, however it is a legal requirement that when you see any camera, especially “average speed” cameras you reduce speed by harsh application of footbrake and drop from 80+ mph to 40, if it is possible to cut in front of an HGV whilst doing so this will remind the truck driver to slow down as well, he/she is sure to show their appreciation in one way or another. as soon as the camera is passed you are free to accelerate upto 80mph again. This rule does not apply through the roadworks on the M62 where you are legally required to slow down to 30mph as you are approaching the foot of a hill. This serves as a help to the HGV Drivers who are then able to climb the hill at a nice safe 28mph instead of a rather scary 50.
etc, etc
mkb600:
When joining a motorway in a car you MUST:4, You are free to ignore speed limits, especially through roadworks, however it is a legal requirement that when you see any camera, especially “average speed” cameras you reduce speed by harsh application of footbrake and drop from 80+ mph to 40, if it is possible to cut in front of an HGV whilst doing so this will remind the truck driver to slow down as well, he/she is sure to show their appreciation in one way or another.etc, etc
yep a friendly wave or even a flash of headlamps. if you look really carefully in your mirror you may even see him mouthing a heartfelt thanks for your kind actions nice one
When driving at night do not change that blown headlight bulb under any circumstances. You will drive on main beam so nobody knows you cannot afford £2.50.
HGV drivers. You will not flash in another HGV driver, at night in the rain, until he has started to indicate and move across, only then can you give them a little flash.
The above does not apply to drivers that are so busy looking out the window that they cannot pull an arm back 2 ins for 2 seconds.