Took me a while, 'till I saw the newspaper. 
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And not to ask “Have you turned your heating on yet?”
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LOL yeah, My missus has had the heating on for two weeks already, It’s not even cold yet. 
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As the old joke goes:
“I’m not saying she’s ugly, but when she was born the nurse slapped her mother”
I’ve told my domestic facilities manageress that we’ll discuss turning the heating on the first week of December. “If you’re cold my love put a coat on, and if you’re still cold put 2 coats on” 
She must think I’m made of money
And remember folks, Rachel and Keir have stopped the winter fuel allowance for us poor pensioners.
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On theme, the most efficient form of heating is wood.
It heats you as you chop down the tree, when you split the logs, and when you burn it.
Therefore it must be 300% efficient. 
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Ooh Franglais has made a funny everybody.
Pardon us whilst we all die laughing.
Only one joke on here mate, and I’m adressing it…
“I don’t care who started it, you two at the back, play nicely”
Newbies might wonder “WTF?” but long-term TN users will understand
an american a russian and a ukranian are sitting on a train shooting the breeze. The american wishing to show off says to the other two this is my best gun and promptly throws it out the window. The other two asked why he did that. The american replies well guns are so plentiful in my country that they are inexpensive. the russian not wishing to be out done pulls a bottle of expensive vodka out of his pocket and throws it out the window to. Again upon being asked why he did that he replies well vodka in my country is so common it too is inexpensive. The ukranian sits and thinks about the antics of his fellow travelers and not wishing to be outdone picks up the russian and throws him out the window
