Having had a visit from my oldest and dearest mate this past week it bought back many old memories of fun and games we had all those years ago.
I first met him when I was 18 and a mere van driver / warehouseman in Northampton and he drove a ‘Noddy Lorry’ for Wilkinson which years later became Fed Ex. He was a scrawny, long haired yob as was I and we became inseperable buddies, otu pulling the birds everywhere we went. I got a job with Swifts when I was 20, shunting and loading trucks at night and persuaded him to join the crew. My Mate was very weary of black magic and ghosties etc and the crew playe on this telling him tales of the ‘Man in the three cornered hat’ my mtae ‘Steff’ was often told to go fill a fork lift gas bottle over in the darkest corner of the yard and some prank was always played on him, like waiting till he had reached the tank, then switching all the yard lights off and shutting him out he would bang franticly on the big roller doors for hours
One time he was filling a bottle when I noticed our biggest prankster crawling on his belly out of a side door, up an embankment, down the main road, then down the entrance ramp to behind the gas tank before standing up with his coat over his head with the bright sodium lights behind him. We watched in great amusement as Steff turned and froze, then ran screeming into the warehouse
I once took a guy home at the end of shift leaving Steff in sole control of the huge warehouse and when I returned I searched high and low before finding him cowering behind a desk in the traffic office. “There’s someone else out there” he said. We searched the building to discover a trailer with an air leak and the brakes slowly releasing with the occassional clicking
This guy ‘Steff’ eventually went back to Fed Ex, became the general manager and eventually my boss and now runs the fleet at Bedfords in Yorkshire.
He has spent all last week here and sat the whole time infront of the computer screen … some holiday
somebody is going to have to stop pat his storys are having me in stitchs im glad i never worked with him because it seems with pat no ones safe
p.s great truck pat on world of trucks
Unfortunately I have not driven it in 3 weeks because some pig detroyed the transmission when I took a day off Hopefully I will get it back in a few days
PAT: Have you not taught your transport manager what you expect from him and that your standards are high and could he not respect them
instead of letting a simpelton in charge of a highly enginered costly
transport machine, which you left in good running order,
APART from that can we please have some more stories from your
magic memorys thank you.
A few of us night trunk drivers at Swifts were practical jokers. Along with my mate Diesel Dan (United Carriers) I used to carry the odd mask. My favourite and best mask was that of a very old man with long grey hair and the look of a corpse.
We had a driver who did a trunk from Normanton to Northampton every night, waited about an hour as they reloaded his trailer, then vanished back up north, this guy would believe anything and we told him about the driver who was run down and sadly died in the door way to the warehouse, which was by the way true but the tale we told him of the ghost that sat in any truck in that door way was not
One night this bloke was about 25 feet inside the door assisting a fork truck driver who was loading his tautliner, I had just returned from Stroud and was sitting in my cab at the door waiting to go in. I saw this guy standing there and when he went to the other side I draped a black coat backwards from my kneck down and put on the mask, he re-appeared to check his load and stopped in his tracks when he saw this ghostly figure is my cab, he went white and ran round the other side again to get the fork lift driver who when he returned saw little old me in a blue jacket reading the paper. The fork lift guy drove back round the other side again swearing at the driver who ran after him insisting he saw something, as he did this I changed back to the ghost just in time for him to return again and see me the whole thing repeated itself once more untill he went to the canteen, which was at ground level and in the dark outside you could not se much through the window unless the object was close. I stood at a distance untill everyone except him was left in the room, then slowly walked towards the window untill he stopped eating his food and stared at me as I got nearer still wearing the mask etc, he threw his food down and ran for a witness, this was my time to vanish and went back to my cab.
The tale of the ghost of ‘Cornelius Bow’ (the driver who was killed) soon spread and the Normanton driver was the only one to see him.
One night I sat in the canteen eating and chatting when he walked in for his food, after a while he stopped eating and stared at my lunch bag, he walked up and pulled the mask out … I thought he was going to kill me
Diesel Dan and I often travelled through the streets of london at night wearing a mask or two One evening I sat behind him at a set of light at the bottom of Edgeware road when cop walked in front of him and lokked up into the cab, then walked round to his drivers window which Diesel wound down. He was wearing his best ‘Rooster’ mask
“Can you see through that ?” asked the copper.
"Ofcourse said Diesel.
“How old are you ?”
“47 years old” repied Diesel.
“You should act your age” said the copper and wandered off on his beat.
the mask ones brought back some memories for me. My old man used to drive for E.d Jones , meat wagons out of north wales to london. i remember him saying on one trip he passed a wagon driven by a normal looking bloke, the wagon then passed him again, slowed down and my old fella passed him . driving it now was a n old man with a deathlly look and long grey lank hair, this continued for quite a time and my old man was well freaked out!!
he says he then stopped at the same services got talking with the driver and the mask situation was explained. he than went out and got one himself . for the next few years he proceeded to scare anyone he could with it ( including me his young son who was reduced to tears on at least one occaision by this plastic monstrosity!!! , it used to frighten the life out of me even tho i knew who was wearing it!!), i also remember him nearly giving the bosses wife heart failure in the yard when wearing it and countless other poor victims…
it was’n t perchance you that inspired him was it pat?? this all happened probly late 70’s early 80’s sometime can’t remember when exactly but i was probly only about 6 or 7 hence the tears (would’nt happen today!?!) . but i still shudder when thinking of that old mask!!!
A few of us night trunk drivers at Swifts were practical jokers. Along with my mate Diesel Dan (United Carriers) I used to carry the odd mask. My favourite and best mask was that of a very old man with long grey hair and the look of a corpse.
We had a driver who did a trunk from Normanton to Northampton every night, waited about an hour as they reloaded his trailer, then vanished back up north, this guy would believe anything and we told him about the driver who was run down and sadly died in the door way to the warehouse, which was by the way true but the tale we told him of the ghost that sat in any truck in that door way was not
One night this bloke was about 25 feet inside the door assisting a fork truck driver who was loading his tautliner, I had just returned from Stroud and was sitting in my cab at the door waiting to go in. I saw this guy standing there and when he went to the other side I draped a black coat backwards from my kneck down and put on the mask, he re-appeared to check his load and stopped in his tracks when he saw this ghostly figure is my cab, he went white and ran round the other side again to get the fork lift driver who when he returned saw little old me in a blue jacket reading the paper. The fork lift guy drove back round the other side again swearing at the driver who ran after him insisting he saw something, as he did this I changed back to the ghost just in time for him to return again and see me the whole thing repeated itself once more untill he went to the canteen, which was at ground level and in the dark outside you could not se much through the window unless the object was close. I stood at a distance untill everyone except him was left in the room, then slowly walked towards the window untill he stopped eating his food and stared at me as I got nearer still wearing the mask etc, he threw his food down and ran for a witness, this was my time to vanish and went back to my cab.
The tale of the ghost of ‘Cornelius Bow’ (the driver who was killed) soon spread and the Normanton driver was the only one to see him.
One night I sat in the canteen eating and chatting when he walked in for his food, after a while he stopped eating and stared at my lunch bag, he walked up and pulled the mask out … I thought he was going to kill me
Diesel Dan and I often travelled through the streets of london at night wearing a mask or two One evening I sat behind him at a set of light at the bottom of Edgeware road when cop walked in front of him and lokked up into the cab, then walked round to his drivers window which Diesel wound down. He was wearing his best ‘Rooster’ mask
“Can you see through that ?” asked the copper.
"Ofcourse said Diesel.
“How old are you ?”
“47 years old” repied Diesel.
“You should act your age” said the copper and wandered off on his beat.
Old Bob … or Oh Really ?
This is for Gorgeous Loads because he says I don’t tell tales about my USA experiences
On our company we have a couple of older drivers … and I mean OLDER one such driver is Old Bob, he comes from Vermont and the stories of Vermont men having ■■■ with sheep are alway abudant, not that he would but when he talks, he actually sounds like a sheep and leaves big gaps between words, he also starts what we think will be interesting stories but that have no meaning or ending … in other words he is very boring.
I sat waiting for Bob one day on Westborough Services one day and as I sat there I heard an almighty crash Some Swift truck had taken the entire front off another Swift truck and carried on Then my phone rang … “Hello Paaaaaat … … This is Baaaaaab” Well, I did warn you he sounds like a sheep “I’ll be there in … five … minutes”
“I’m at the far end of the truck park and there is a space next to me Bob” I tell the old guy. Bob soon pulls up next to me and we discuss the accident at the end of the truck park, I go inot all the details of what happened when he interupts and I think I am going to hear an incredible tale.
He starts “When I worked for my previous firm … (long gap) … the boss said ,…I ain’t gonna buy no tandems, … well … guess what ? … he got some tandems, then he said … I ain’t gonna buy no sleepers, … well… guess what ? he got some sleepers… MMMMM”
I stood staring at him for a while then realised that this was the extent of the story What meaning or moral it had or what it had to do with our dicussion I will never know.
Bob stops to take a ■■■■ every half hour and it can get very anoying to say the least. On winters night Bob and myself were driving through 8 inches of the snowy stuff on route 12 in NH. I was leading and keeping in contact over the CB and watching his lights in the mirror. I went round a bend and his lights did not appear I called franticly for his response but heard nothing all the dreaded thoughts ran through my mind ‘has he gone over the side ? has he crashed ?’ I carried on to Keene NH and waited not knowing what to do after about 10 minutes a set of light appeared, I called on the CB “Is that you Bob ?”
“Yeeees, … it’s me”
“Where the hell have you been ?”
“I stopped to take a leak”
“Well why the hell didn’t you tell me ? I have been worried to death”
“I’m sooorrry” said Bob.
If Bob can’t understand what I say, which is quite often he will listen and answer with ‘Oh Really’
One night I caught up with Bob on I-89 in southern NH and comented on how I had met an old friend of ours the day before “Hey Bob, I saw Jack yesterday, he is doing really well at his new job, he has a great pension set up, earns loads of money and is really fit and well”
“Oh really ! … so how is he ?”
The first time I ventured into The Bronx in a truck it was to pick up a load at some hellish ‘Hole in the wall’ place in some tight back street. On arrival at my pick up at about 8.00am after spending the night at exit 40 truck stop on I-95 near New Haven CT I found a truck waiting in the street ahead of me and was told I had at least an hour wait. I was quite hungry because I don’t usualy eat breakfast untill an hour or so after getting up. Although the area has avery shady reputation my hunger forced me to ask if there was a diner nearby and was told o one about 5 blocks down the road. Plucking up courage I started the walk along the street, passing various groups of very shady youths gathered at various corners untill I reached the diner. I alway figure that if you show no fear and act normal no one will bother you, and so far this has worked out fine.
Inside the diner I look at the menu, I order “A bacon cheeseburger please”
“Si” say’s the girl and wanders off, returning after 10 minutes of me reading a local paper with a huge burger, which she placed in front of me, on examination of this very large burger I see cheese but no bacon, so I call her.
“Where’s the bacon ?” I ask
“Bason ? … si, is bason” she say’s
“No ! there is no bacon here” I tell her.
“SI, si, there is bason cheeseburger” she replies. She points to an item in the menu that reads ‘Bison cheeseburger’
“Excuse me … is that bison as in buffalo ?”
“Si … is Bison or Buffalo”
“I asked for bacon cheeseburger …BACON !”
“Oh ! si, BACON” she picke up the plate a starts to walk away.
“Where are you going ?” I ask her.
“To change for B A C O N” she say’s.
“You just bring that right back here, I wanna know what buffalo tastes like”
For your information it was the best burger I ever tasted.
Years ago when I worked for Swifts, I was headed down the M1 to the bottom as the M25 didn’t exist then. About a mile after the M10 trun off I was starting to climb a hill when I looked down to my side and saw a Sierra Cosworth with the roof and windows open, inside was a guy in a tux driving the car and a naked woman bending over giving him some attention if you know what I mean Her naked back end was sticking out the window in my direction and no matter what speed I did they stayed by my side. The couple stayed with me right to Staples Corner, where we stopped at the give way line due to traffic from the right. The Woman sat up and wrapped a fur coat around her, looked up at me and asked “Did you enjoy that Driver ?”
“Not as much as He did” I replied.
I heard many drivers talking of this couple throughout the years to come.
On another occassion I had been chatting to a couple on the CB at regular intervals as I passed through their town (no names mentioned) we arranged to meet for a coffee one night and the guy asked “What would you like my girlfriend to be wearing ?”
“A fur coat, stiletto heels and nothing else” I joked.
The couple turned up and she had a long fur coat on and very high heels, she opened the coat to reveal nothing else Her guy grinned and said “Well … thats what you asked for”
On yet another occassion I was heading down the M1 with a mate in a Mothercare Wagon and drag behind me, we were talking on the CB when he said “Take a look at the woman in this car comming by, she is smiling at me and I don’t recognise her”
The car passed by me and I saw she was totally naked and grinning from ear to ear I told him and I don’t think I ever saw a wagon and drag go so fast he shot by me like I was stood still, past her and pulled in for her to pass him once more.
This time he saw everything
People from vermont sound a lot like my fellow countrymen the Welsh. long rambling stories that go nowhere and a fondness for sheep!!
i’m heading back to wales this weekend to see my old fella and i’ve asked him to dig out his scary old man mask from the loft ( from your another ghostly story from swifts) if i can figure out how to do it will try and get a photo of it on here so people can see how scary it was!!
he assures me however it was a tanker driver that introduced him to the mask.!!
We all have to go through medicals etc for HGV, LGV, PSV and over here CDL licenses. Here in the USA they are only valid for 1 year the first time and 2 for each renewal. In January of this year my CDL physical was due once more, so I made an appointment at my doctors for the thursday before it expired, I arranged an early finish so I could attend that evening after showering but got a phone call to say that it had been cancelled because of the blizzard in the area Note to self ;- Don’t get seriously ill during blizzard
Anyway, Kate called another medical centre to arrange an appointment for the Saturday and I turned up at the place in Glens Falls and filled out a questionaire before being called by the oldest nurse on the planet She was about 4’ 10" and could hardly reach to measure my height, then she led me to a private room to test my hearing and colour blindness etc before handing me a gown that tied at the back and told me to get naked underneath, she then left telling me the doctor would be in shortly. It is very hard, if not virtually impossible to tie on your own, so the back went untied. I waited for half an hour twiddling my thumbs untill the door opened and in walks a lady I cover any spaces in the gown and she explains that SHE is the doctor
She performs all the tests and then asks me to bend over to examine my spine, as I do so the gown drops forward exposing everything this can be very embarrasing, but it gets worse As I stand there sideways on the door it opens fully and a nurse walks in to get something leaving the door wide open As I am bent double I glance to my right to see that everyone in the waiting room is staring at my naked ■■■■
I will never again attend a medical exam at Convenient medical on Bay Street in Glens Fall NY
he would bang franticly on the big roller doors for hours 
some holiday 
Hopefully I will get it back in a few days 
after about 10 minutes a set of light appeared, I called on the CB “Is that you Bob ?”
