Old Trucking tales!

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS OLD TIME LORRIES, COMPANIES AND DRIVERS (INTERACT
81

I had to laugh when I saw this post. When I think about old drivers one particular driver comes to mind. (working for Marshalls at the time)

As I started driving Craggy was nearing retirement. (he later earned the nickname Clarence after the blind Ronnie Barker removals man. He was a star but he was as blind as a bat. He would regally get his notes and turn to another driver and say ‘ere have you ever heard of that one?’ Naylor Myers at Brighouse! You pass it every day as you go to the motorway Craggy. O eye! Would come his reply, the truth was he couldn’t see the address.

He was a real character. He once came back to the yard one night and went in to see the transport manager. (he was well used to him taking the odd gatepost etc.)

“Harry, I better tell you before anyone else does, I ran over a bloke today”

Bleddy hell craggy how is he?

“ He’s Dead.”

Harry now in swetting - Dead!!!

Yep he died in 1926 but the buried him on the corner plot in Bradford cemmy. I keep telling them in planning it’s too tight in there for an artic!

82

PMSL

83

An old lad who worked near me used to regale us with his many stories.

He worked out of Bradford and on his truck door was signwritten

HARRY BARRACLOUGH
YARN SPINNER

84

marlow:
“Harry, I better tell you before anyone else does, I ran over a bloke today”

Bleddy hell craggy how is he?

“ He’s Dead.”

Harry now in swetting - Dead!!!

Yep he died in 1926 but the buried him on the corner plot in Bradford cemmy. I keep telling them in planning it’s too tight in there for an artic!

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

85

Swifts new warehouse

During the 80’s Swifts expanded and bought the old Metoy warehouse in Duston, Northampton. The building was huge with a large frontage and 3 huge warehouses behind. One evening I and a mate we called ‘Hop Scotch’ went in to work and were pulled to one side by the manager.
“There’s no trunks for you two tonight so could you both go down to the new warehouse and consolodate all the racking ?” asked the boss man. Hop Scotch and I got into a company van and shot off to the place which apart from us was deserted, we entered all three bays to find that all the racking had been dismanteled and palletised, we walked into the offices and made tea. After an hour I phoned the boss and asked “What does consolodate mean ?” :laughing: :laughing:
He sighed … “Just get a fork lift and move all the racking to one place so we can load it on trailers”
We went into the first bay with a fork lift and picked up a pallet of racking and drove at the opening to the front section but it would not go through so we just picked up the pallets in each warehouse and stacked them in one spot, it took 30 minutes, then Hop Scotch went home and got a TV, we ordered a take away and spent the night relaxing, next day we were called to the office and expected a rollocking :exclamation: The manager smiled and said “Great job last night lads” I have no idea what we did that was so good to this day.

The new warehouse was eventually the new home of a major contract with a well known paper company and the day the contract started for real the press were there with cameras and various officials, mayor etc. All stood in anticipation as the very first gleeming red F10 arrived pulling a brand new white trailer in the paper company logo, camera flashes were every where, local TV were filming, after most of the comotion the driver reversed into a trailer parking space and dropped it. Mr Big at Swifts, who was known as an nasty piece of work was sipping drinks and smiling at all the right people when a lad drove out of the warehouse in a the old shunter unit, backed under the trailer, climbed on the cat walk and hooked up the red line, the trailer was backed into a space down hill and the kid forgot to put the brake on in the unit, all watched in dismay as the kid stood white faced on the cat walk and trailer first, followed by the shunt unit rolled backward through the new fence, across the main road, though some landscaped embankment and into the river :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: All was televised and photographed by the press. The thing ended up sticking up in the air with the shunt unit hanging in the air and bout a million quids worth of very expensive card getting very wet.
Mr Big gritted his teeth, not wanting the press to see his anger, put his arm around the soaking wet kid and said “Don’t worry son. accidents will happen” then vanished into the office with him and we could all see the violent hand gestures and rapid mouth movements. I have and still do draw cartoons of funny accidents etc, and was well known for them, Mr Big even liked them “Keeps up morale” he used to say, but as I walked off laughing he shouted “If I see a cartoon of this you are out”
Next day a cartoon was on the board, follwed by another about the hire of a crane to get the trailer out of the river.
It’s memories like this that make life worthwhile :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

86

GREAT TALES, regarding easy jobs,me and my mate boothy worked for bernstein group from westhoughton in mid 90s ,and had k reg erf e6s with demounts,and were based at avonmouth through the week,stopping opposite the avon lodge on ryder trucks forecourt.
typical week=monday leave westhoughton 6.30 6-8 drops cheltenham/gloucester park up at avonmouth 17.00 tues-swap boxes 6 drops exeter/bridgewater langtons for dinner and shower,play snooker till 6 have tea,run to avonmouth get fitter at ryder to wash motors while we have a few pints in bar-15hrs

wed-6-8 drops cornwall,park at redruth in boozer near brewery[forgot name]18.00 few pints thurs =run back to westhoughton and home,friday 10 drops liverpool in my mums for dinner,finished for 14.00 £270 per week,£100 on beer easylife!!! :smiley: :smiley:

87

It’s a damm site harder here :angry:

In my first job hunting days here I applied to a company called ‘Schwanns’ that run small 10 tome trucks or smaller selling ice cream and frozen foods house to house, it is supposedly a well paid and easy job, clean, smart and well rewarding work for quite good pay.
At my interview I was told almost right off that the job was mine just becasue I was clean cut and ha an english accent :wink: I was asked to spend a day (unpaid) with the best driver in the area and when I started full time the following week I would earn between $500 and $800 a week, pretty good at the time so two days later the manager met me at a diner on route 149 in NY state where at 08.00 a driver arrived. I left my car there and went with him, he told me that he had been at work since 05.00am and enjoyed the job. As the day went on we called at numerous houses where he took orders for expensive grub and stuff and at some houses there would be no one at home to which he always said “We’ll call back later”
After about 20 of these un succesfull visits I asked how he would get to re-visit them in the same day ? “Oh we’ll be out till about 11.00pm tonight” he said.
It was at thsi time I knew I would not be starting for this company and tried so hard to figure out how to get away from this bloke. The day went on and we darted back and forth across the area calling at various homes, at each home he went in for coffee and food … how he ate and drank it all I dont know ?
About 2.00pm we were driving eastbound on route 149 again and neared the diner where we met. “Look ! … there’s the diner” I said “stop a minute will you ?”
“Ok” he said as he pulled up.
I got out and went to my car … “we dont have time to stop and eat” he shouted.
“I’m not going to eat” I shouted back “I’m going home and you can stuff your f**job” :laughing:
The poor bloke looked gobsmacked :laughing: next day the manager phoned me to ask when I could start … I told him to work those hours I would want 2 grand a week.

88

Wind up’s on the CB

Here’s another classic wind up from my past for you, if you are into that sort of thing :question:

When I worked for Fed Ex on the Matchbox contract, My old mate Hop Scotch came to work with me and the old team was together again :laughing:
We often drove to and from Peterborough from Rugby and as we passed through the last village on the A43 before that nobel city we would have some fun with a woman on the CB who seemed 2 pence short of a shilling. I won’t go into here name but the initials were ‘W W’. Our first encounter with W W led to us inviting her to meet us on the green when we returned an hour later. We called her on the CB about 15 minutes away and she was on her hand held CB walking to the green, I was in front and Hop Scotch told me to pull in first,I did so only to see his truck shoot past, leaving me there to face a rather smelly woman in a blue and white spotted dress, I was stranded and after saying hello and giving my excuses I went after Hop Scotch who had parked in a lay by a few miles further on, he found the whole thing very funny but I managed to get my own back by giving her his cab phone number :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
We soon got used to winding W W up and would use various voices, I would do scouse, west indian and cockney, he was good at irish and scotish :laughing: we always used different handles and would always arrange to meet her by the bus stop in the village, she would alway say “I ain’t commin’ cos nobody ever turns up” but we would assure her that we were not like all the others and would always keep our word, each time on our return we would see this bedraggled, rain soaked woman in a blue and white spotted dress waiting patiently, we did this hundreds of times.
One day we arranged to be (Me) west indian and (Him) Scotish, He insulted her a great deal and she soon was argueing with him, I was suposedly following and came to her defence, she was very racist and told me to mind my own damm business :exclamation: I stood by my guns and soon arranged to fight this scotsman in a lay by just out of range of her radio :laughing: On arrival at our destination we arranged for another driver we knew there to tell her he had seen two drivers fighting in a lay by and police attending. Later I drove back and told her that the Scotsman had been arrested and I had been set free because of my race :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: She was shocked but not as shocked as when i told her that I had given her name and location to the police as a witness :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
“My Old man will go beserk” she said, He is already going crazy over a 900 quid phone bill … Maybe those 1 hour calls to Hop Scotch at a then extortionate 50p a minute did that :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

89

Slack periods

Working at Fed EX / Matchbox meant that after Christmas the artic work dropped right off, but we still had to report for work each day. Hop Scotch and myself often spend day’s on end in the very modern canteen watching TV or playing pool, all for 12 hours pay (4 of which were at time and a half :laughing: )

One such day we had been in the canteen all morning, played pool for most of it, then ‘A tale of two cities’ came on the telly, we sat down to watch this classic movie, which as anyone who has watched it is an epic to say the least. Two hours into the movie the internal phone rang, some warehouse worker answered it and shouted “It’s for you Pat”
I picked up the handset and realised it was the manager “Pat, could you come down and switch the trailers on two of the doors down here ?” was the question.
“No way !!!” say’s yours truly, “I’m on my 45 minute break now” I said this as a joke but all he said was “OK ! I’ll find a contractor or someone else to do it”

Another time Hop Scotch had to go as passenger with me, I had a full load for some catalog company near Kidderminster then drop him at a Volvo dealer near Bicester to drive a truck back to the depot, the dealer was in the middle of nowhere and on arrival (about 11.30am) we were told the truck would not be readly till about 5.00pm. After phoning the manager at work I was told to stay with him incase the truck did not get finished, it turned out the only place to eat was a pub about half a mile away, so we walked there, we ate Steak & Chips, got totally drunk, went back to my cab, slept till 5.pm the phoned Fed Ex who had to send three guys to get us, two to drive the repaired truck and drive mine back and another to take us back in a company car :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

90

PMSL :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:
Keep’em coming Pat and any one else who fancies contributing.

91

Brackley nights out

Do any of you older folk remember the dirty, smelly so called ‘Truck stop’ where Tesco is now situated in Brackley :question:
This was a regular night out for us, even though it was only 6 miles to my house, we became regulars at ‘The Locomotive’ pub just up the hill, we eben joined the divi there.
One particular night we came out of the pub at 1.00am after getting well drunk and as we wandered down to the mud field called Brackley truck stop we realised we had no money left for breakfast next day, having got so drunk we bought eveyone in the pub drinks … (Hmmmmmmmmm maybe thats why they all liked to see us :question: ) We devised a plan to make sure we ate next morning, we took an hour to carry one pallet at a time behind all the trucks to the back of my trailer, very quietly so we didn’t disturb the other drivers, after an hour of this we had 40 pallets from the pallet yard beyond the cafe. The following morning I started my truck and backed up to the pallet yard and sold all 40 to the guy there, who hadn’t even noticed that he had 40 missing :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Breakfast is served :laughing: :laughing:

92

Anyone like this idea?

trucknetuk.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=7920

93

The Pink Panther Squadron

Do any of you older guys remember ‘Independent’ :question: They used horrible pink MAN’s and drove at speeds similar to a high speed train, cutting up every route in England and were particularly hated by nearly all night drivers, Myself included :laughing:
The Pink Panther squadron hub was located near Northampton and one of their seemingly impossible round trips was Northampton - Plymouth round trip :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: … there were no limiters in those days :laughing:
I can remember one night one of those guys was ripping up the M1 toward J15 in the middle lane and some regular night trunkers closed up and kept him there so he missed the junction :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: he was not a happy chappy :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
One night 3 of us fellow Swift drivers were driving past South Mimms on the M25, anti clockwise and heard some other driver shout “Eyeball Independant” but got no answer so tried again, … still no answer :exclamation: so being the sort of chap who liked a laugh I spoke for him.
“Yeah, eyeball mate” I said,
“What you doin’ parked there then ?” asked the driver.
“On my 45 minute break” I said.
“Thats a stupid place to have a break, right on the side of that roundabout” said the guy.
I keyed the mike once more, “Who are you calling (ZB) stupid ? you pillock”
“You don’t have to swear like that mate, I only commented because you are blockin’ the left lane”
“I’ll park where I (ZB) want, so mind your own or turn around and come back here so I can kick the (ZB) out of you” I said
“Right !!!” said the guy, “I’m on my way and I’m gonna kick the (ZB( out of you”
"Common then mate, I’m waitin’ "
My mates in front of me then gave the signal to go to our secret channel by using the code ‘SBC’ (Swift broadcasting channel) when I got there all I could here was laughter :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I often think of that night and the poor driver sitting by that roundabout, probably awaiting a tow truck or something, keeping totally quiet when some big git opens his door and starts a fight :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: … Very cruel but very funny :laughing:

I did actually make friends with one of the Pink Panther squadron :exclamation: he used the handle ‘Duracell’ wonder what happened to him :question:

94

Diesel Dan’s Birthday

On our way back from Kent most early mornings Diesel Dan and Myself would usually call in at Toddington services, sometimes a few others would join us.
Diesel dan and I were always playing jokes on each other and one particular week he had informed a woman that I regularly spoke to on the CB that I was gay and had a ‘Spotty Willy’ :laughing: :laughing: this was of course in my absence, I followed down a few hours later and the conversation with the woman was decidedly cold, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, then on arrival in Maidstone he told me what he had told her :angry:
I wondered how I could get my own back :question:
On duty every time we wnt in Toddington was an asian woman we called ‘Tenko’ because she looked like a woman from that show, she would grin a Diesel each time and only had one tooth :laughing: it was so plain to see she fancied him :exclamation:
A few day’s after saying what he did I left Maidstone ahead of him because he had a delay, I told him I would call him at home next day. I called in the service area on my own and Tenko asked “Where is my friend tonight?”
An instant plan came to mind :bulb: “It’s his 50th birthday” I told her (He was really only around 40) “He is running late due to all the fuss, so give him a suprise if you think so much of him”
Her face lit up and she ran off into the kitchens, I drank my tea and left.
Next day I recieved a call from him asking what I had said :question: It seems he walked in to buy a cup of tea and was greeted by the staff singing happy birthday and a cake with 50 on top :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

95

more more more please
mark

96

Pink Panther Squadron ah yes :laughing: remember them well 3 axled 361 MAN´s that went like the proverbial pulling out of Old near Northampton.
I used to do the Carlisle trunk for them.
Actually they didn´t own a single vehicle they were all leased by the local MAN dealer to company called Linehaul Services (or something similiar). I seem to remember that at the time we had a South African traffic manager who occasionally forgot that you musn´t called your ethic employees Kaffirs :laughing: .

97

Ok heres a poser for you - who can remember the name of the firm who ran bonneted Mercs out of Sticklepath on the old A30? They were a timber firm hauling logs as I recall. Think their wagons were blue. Its been bugging me, to the point that I’ve been trying to get a mate who lives near Okehampton to search the village for me and find someone who remembers! Save the lazy get the journey and refresh my mind someone please!

98

Whilst posted in Germany a mate of mine,Dave, and I were running into Osnabruck on the route 51 in a couple of 4 tonners. As we approached the level crossing the barrier was down. I obediently stopped at the last marker, but Dave who was in front drove up to the barrier. As we waited for the train a Mercedes pulled in between the two trucks and a rather irate German got out and proceeded to shout at Dave who rightly was giving back as good as he was getting. Suddenly Dave shut up and climbed back into his truck. The barrier went up and we proceeded back to camp. When I started to slag him off for backing down he said “What would you have said to the Chief of Police” :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

99

PA FUN

When we first got CB radios at Swifts, back in the early 80’s a lot of us had a PA set up with a speaker under the grille, they were often a source of amusement when we got bored. :laughing:

One sunny afternoon a group of us were in the truck park at Rockware Glass in Knottingley, Yorks, we all used flat beds then and the loads were sometimes 15 ft off the ground :exclamation: We had all finished sheeting our loads and as we usualy stopped for a night out, about four of us sat chatting in an F10 cab waiting for the pubs to open. Across the compound an ‘Onward Transport’ driver was struggling with his sheets with a very high load, the fork lift driver had put them on top but he couldn’t get up there, he tried every way and eventually after gripping the shrink wrap he pulled himself on top and started to roll the back shhet out. My mate picked up the CB mike and switched to PA mode “Onward driver to the office please” he said. The driver slethered down to the ground, moaning as he did it and walked about half a mile toward the office, 10 minutes later he came back shaking his head and looking puzzled, he struggled to get back up again and after about 5 minutes which had almost most of the sheeting spread out, my mate called “ONWARD DRIVER TO THE OFFICE -------- URGENT” He slid down again, cursing and ran off to the office once more only to return again, this time in a very bad mood, he looked up and his sheet had blown on top again, so once again he struggled to get on top, as he reached the top my mate said once more "ONWARD DRIVER TO THE OFFICE ----- IMMEDIATELY " he kicked the sheets off and jumped down, kicking everything in his path.

When he came back in a rage, we owned up and shetted the load for him :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Once the CB thing had been in motion at Swifts, one bright spark in the office decided it would be a great idea to fit them in all the trucks at company expence :exclamation: which naturally we we all for, … THEN :exclamation: :exclamation: :exclamation: they put a home base in the trafic office :exclamation: which we were NOT all for :laughing:
One night as I started my shift I sat in the cab filling out a tacho chart when I heard the idiot in the office calling for any Swift driver, just to test the range of the CB :exclamation: I answered and told the guy I had left the yard 5 minutes ago.
“Can you check in every few miles to see how far we can get ?” he asked.
“Of course I can” was my reply, and sat grinning at the possible outcome, meanwhile a few had head and gathered around my cab to listen to the idiot. About an hour was srent with me telling him “I think I’m loosing you now, I must be 30 miles south, I’m near Milton Keynes”
“This is amazing !!!” said the idiot "I nover knew they had such a clear and perfect reception at such long ranges. Some times I would turn the mike gain right down followed by switching to low power after I had suposedly passed the 40 mile marker, all that stood listening were urinating with laughter.
“I gotta go now, I don’t know if you can hear me but I think I’ve lost you”
He carried on calling me over the radio as I got out of the cab, walked round to the office and stood at the counter watching him, the depot manager, the company chairman and Rick Swift himself with their backs to me looking at the home base with amazement :laughing: , then Rick Swift turned and saw me and burst out laughing, which made all the others turn, the only one who didn’t laugh was the idiot who had been shown up :angry: He made my life hell from then untill the night I left, when I got back at him… he sent me to Blowmocan in MK to await a load for Maidstone in Kent.
“Is it ready ? because I ain’t running late for it”
“It’s ready, but just in case you will have to wait” said the idiot.
“Take it from me, I won’t be running late” I said,
I waited 5 hour as they loaded that trailer. the phoned him to say I was bringing it to the yard, “NO ! NO ! you must take it to Maidstone”
“I don’t have time” I said.
“Take it or your fired” said the idiot.
“Check the sheet mate, this is my last night” He went very quite… “See you in an hour the [ZB]” … I laughed all the way back :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

If it needs stars it’s not allowed.L.

100

Toddington Cops

One night as DD and I pulled into Toddington services, He went first and as usual drove onto the coach park but found very little room for a truck, and asked me to see him back out using the CB as I was about 200 yards away.
“Ok, back a bit, … back a bit… back a bit,… slow, … watch that car” I said.
“What car ?” asked DD.
“The one right behind you … too late, you hit it”
We both get out and walk up and as we do a sleeping oriental guy sits up in the driving seat, he gets out and starts shouting at us in some eastern tounge. DD say’s "I’m getting out of here, and just as he starts walking to his truck as police Range Rover arrives … plan B then comes into play and he walks back. I explain what happened and the cops turn to the car driver, trying very hard to comunicate with his broken English. The cops end up telling him thet the entire accident is his fault because he should not be sleeping there and if he wanted to pursue the matter he would be detained and charged, he declined and left … HA HA
After all this we went in for tea and were joined by the two cops. As we sat there in came a drunk with his arm in a sling and two young girls, they bought some drinks and sat down, but the guy noticed us and came over to sit next to the cops at our table. The cop nearest to him said “I’m sorry but this is a private conversation”
“I’ll sit where I want” said the guy.
“If you don’t move I’ll break your other arm” said the cop.
“You cops are all [zb] (Word for no Father) You think you have the right to sit anywhere you want and drink your [zb] free tea and coffee” sid the idiot.
“I will count to 10” said the cop.
The fool got up moaning and went back to his girlfriends. but saw another guy laughing so went up and told the bloke to get up because he was going to kick his head in for laughing at him. The other guy stood up and was about 7 ft tall, never the less the fool swung at him with his good arm, the cop opposite me jumped over about 6 tables and bought him down with a flying rugby tackle, then twisted his arm.
The fool screamed “ARGH !!! … LET ME GO, I HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS, …
TAKE ME TO HAOSPITAL”
“You are going to Dunstable nick” said the cop, then both officers dragged him out but 5 minutes later returned and sat down with us again.
“Where’s the guy ?” I asked.
“He’s safe” said the cop.
DD and I finished our tea’s and walked out, right outside the building we found the fool handcuffed to the front bumper of the Range Rover :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: