Old Trucking tales!

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS OLD TIME LORRIES, COMPANIES AND DRIVERS (INTERACT
61

Funny story Pat :smiley:

62

Well it may have been, but it has been removed because it was deemed offensive to certain ■■■■■■■■ orrientated people who may be reading :exclamation:

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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It was removed because it broke site rules. Any queries, contact me direct.

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Pat Hasler:
TEA LEAF JACK
When I worked for Swifts we had an old guy we called ‘Tea leaf Jack’ he would take anything that was not nailed down, but I have to say in praise of him he would never take from a mate. Transport cafes etc were always a prime target for him and if at any location where food was served Jack always paid the bill, … sort of :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
I once pulled onto Leicester Forrest in front of him and we walked into the drivers section, where there was only one waoman serving, she sat at the cash register. Jack had his teenage son with him and we stood in line waiting for the woman to serve us, she came to the food section and we all asked for roast beef and yorkshire etc. Jack told us to find some seats and passed the trays of food over the rail to his son for him to bring to the table, then moved to the tea section, the same woman walked down to serve him. “Three teas” said Jack. She served him all three and he passed two of them over the rail to the boy, then walked to the register. Cleaning her hands on a tea towel the very same woman walked down to take his money, “Just this mug of tea” said Jack … Thats all she charged him for :exclamation: :exclamation: :exclamation:

How the hell he had the nerve to get away with things like this I will never know :question:
He once offered to buy teas for 6 of us at Oxford services while we sat waiting, he actually got the security guy to bring the tray to us, then said “Hold on ! I have to get my wallet from my truck” and walked out, returning through another door and sitting down while we drunk our tea, the security guy stood staring at us, which made us very nervous, he walked over to us and said “Have any of you drivers got a light ?” :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I once watched him in line at Toddington taking food and pies from the display annd filling his pockets . at the register with one mug of tea a pork pie fell out of his pocket and hit the floor with a ‘THUD’ … everyone looked at him and he calmly said “Alright !!! Who threw that ?”

Chris… guess who this was :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

65

I really don’t know!

Bless him.

:laughing: :laughing:

You even get a mention! :laughing:

66

Pat, I just read those 5 pages and I must admit its the best laugh Iv’e had for ages. I have been stuck in doors for the past few days with the flu, now I have aching ribs as well. Those tales were posted a while back, have you anything funny to tell us about them Yankee boys you hang with now? Lol.

Regards Paul

67

tonyhogi:

Pat Hasler:
TEA LEAF JACK
When I worked for Swifts we had an old guy we called ‘Tea leaf Jack’ he would take anything that was not nailed down, but I have to say in praise of him he would never take from a mate. Transport cafes etc were always a prime target for him and if at any location where food was served Jack always paid the bill, … sort of :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
I once pulled onto Leicester Forrest in front of him and we walked into the drivers section, where there was only one waoman serving, she sat at the cash register. Jack had his teenage son with him and we stood in line waiting for the woman to serve us, she came to the food section and we all asked for roast beef and yorkshire etc. Jack told us to find some seats and passed the trays of food over the rail to his son for him to bring to the table, then moved to the tea section, the same woman walked down to serve him. “Three teas” said Jack. She served him all three and he passed two of them over the rail to the boy, then walked to the register. Cleaning her hands on a tea towel the very same woman walked down to take his money, “Just this mug of tea” said Jack … Thats all she charged him for :exclamation: :exclamation: :exclamation:

How the hell he had the nerve to get away with things like this I will never know :question:
He once offered to buy teas for 6 of us at Oxford services while we sat waiting, he actually got the security guy to bring the tray to us, then said “Hold on ! I have to get my wallet from my truck” and walked out, returning through another door and sitting down while we drunk our tea, the security guy stood staring at us, which made us very nervous, he walked over to us and said “Have any of you drivers got a light ?” :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I once watched him in line at Toddington taking food and pies from the display annd filling his pockets . at the register with one mug of tea a pork pie fell out of his pocket and hit the floor with a ‘THUD’ … everyone looked at him and he calmly said “Alright !!! Who threw that ?”

Chris… guess who this was :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I guess that teenage kid is not to far away eh Tony :wink:

68

Pat Hasler:

tonyhogi:

Pat Hasler:
TEA LEAF JACK
When I worked for Swifts we had an old guy we called ‘Tea leaf Jack’ he would take anything that was not nailed down, but I have to say in praise of him he would never take from a mate. Transport cafes etc were always a prime target for him and if at any location where food was served Jack always paid the bill, … sort of :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
I once pulled onto Leicester Forrest in front of him and we walked into the drivers section, where there was only one waoman serving, she sat at the cash register. Jack had his teenage son with him and we stood in line waiting for the woman to serve us, she came to the food section and we all asked for roast beef and yorkshire etc. Jack told us to find some seats and passed the trays of food over the rail to his son for him to bring to the table, then moved to the tea section, the same woman walked down to serve him. “Three teas” said Jack. She served him all three and he passed two of them over the rail to the boy, then walked to the register. Cleaning her hands on a tea towel the very same woman walked down to take his money, “Just this mug of tea” said Jack … Thats all she charged him for :exclamation: :exclamation: :exclamation:

How the hell he had the nerve to get away with things like this I will never know :question:
He once offered to buy teas for 6 of us at Oxford services while we sat waiting, he actually got the security guy to bring the tray to us, then said “Hold on ! I have to get my wallet from my truck” and walked out, returning through another door and sitting down while we drunk our tea, the security guy stood staring at us, which made us very nervous, he walked over to us and said “Have any of you drivers got a light ?” :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I once watched him in line at Toddington taking food and pies from the display annd filling his pockets . at the register with one mug of tea a pork pie fell out of his pocket and hit the floor with a ‘THUD’ … everyone looked at him and he calmly said “Alright !!! Who threw that ?”

Chris… guess who this was :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

I guess that teenage kid is not to far away eh Tony :wink:

You dont know the half of it Pat :blush: :blush: :blush:

69

Paul John:
Pat, I just read those 5 pages and I must admit its the best laugh Iv’e had for ages. I have been stuck in doors for the past few days with the flu, now I have aching ribs as well. Those tales were posted a while back, have you anything funny to tell us about them Yankee boys you hang with now? Lol.

Regards Paul

Just for you …

My first driving job here was for a septic and portable loo company, ■■■■ job but a foot hold and as an imigrant I needed a job, turned out to be great fun, the bosses were all English, from Grimsby but that cant be helped, anyway ! From day one I told them I would not clean out or pump ■■■■ and would only deliver new or clean ones and collect emptied once when finished with. I was given a Ford F350 with a water and chemical tank on the front of the bed and space for 6 toilets on the back plus a 35 foot trailer that held 14 toilets, or septic tanks etc, mostly septic tanks were my main job and around here some places and people I encoutered were very strange :laughing:
One day on my delivery rounds I looked at one drop of a clean loo to see directions and found it was a log cabin up in the mountains, at the foot of the paper it said ‘Beware of the wolf’ :open_mouth: … I reversed up to the spot needed and got out to find a very angry full grown wolf at the end of a thankfully strong chain trying to get to me.
Up at a radio transmitter station in the Catskills one day I lifted an old portable septic tank that had been used for a construction team back on to the trailer when I felt something tighted round my leg and thinking it was a cable I reahed down to untangle it only to find it was a snake :open_mouth:
Helping some bloke at his Cabin construction one day I asked to use the ■■■■■■ ? “Go down to the stream” he said and I walked down through the trees to the river to pee, as I stood there I heard a loud purring and looked to my right to see a cougar on a rock staring at me :open_mouth: I walked slowly and backwards up the hill to the cabin and told the bloke.
“Did it attack you ?” he asked
“No … it just looked at me”
“Then it wasn’t hungry” he said, I NEVER went back.

One day I was called on the radio to collect a toilet from and industrial park. I found the thing stinking and full to the brim, I refused to touch it and got some guy from a factory next door to strap the door tight and fork lift it on to the truck, I took it back brimming with sloppy filth and they never asked me again.

I left the job because of the conditions and crap pay … although I did get ‘Time and a turd’ :laughing:

70

Hi Pat, nice one, there are some really [■■■■■■■ jobs out there. I am an ex South Wales valley boy, lived in central Florida the past 18 yrs, a couple of yrs in Ohio previous to that. You know as well as me the Americans just don’t have the same sense of humour as us Brit’s, and defenitly not the commaradary either. Every time I go to work in a good mood here , and have a laugh they send me for a drug screen lol. Free country my ARSE !
Keep the tales coming, Paul.

71

hi pat .
i have worked with septic tanks that were full of s…t. :laughing: :laughing: you mentioning the couger, i remember one day driving up a dirt road about half a mile from your house when i got stuck in the mud, i got out to start walking for help when all of a sudden a couger or bob cat stepped out in front of me,it frightened me to death ,it just sniffed the air and walked off.when i got to where i was going , all my cousins sheep had been killed, so i guess i was lucky as it had had its dinner. :laughing:
hi paul. you say americans have a different sense of humour to us , your right there.i used to belong to a local fire company, and we had a small fire house with one fire engine up in the mountains,well, the first time i went there the fire chief told me to open the barn shutter,then he ran off, i pressed the shutter button to to open the door , when it was half way up a load of rattle snakes fell down on top of me,(they lay on the top of the shutter to keep cool) he thought it very funny,guess thats hill billy humour. it could of killed me :laughing: :laughing:

72

diesel dan:
hi pat .
i have worked with septic tanks that were full of s…t. :laughing: :laughing: you mentioning the couger, i remember one day driving up a dirt road about half a mile from your house when i got stuck in the mud, i got out to start walking for help when all of a sudden a couger or bob cat stepped out in front of me,it frightened me to death ,it just sniffed the air and walked off.when i got to where i was going , all my cousins sheep had been killed, so i guess i was lucky as it had had its dinner. :laughing:
hi paul. you say americans have a different sense of humour to us , your right there.i used to belong to a local fire company, and we had a small fire house with one fire engine up in the mountains,well, the first time i went there the fire chief told me to open the barn shutter,then he ran off, i pressed the shutter button to to open the door , when it was half way up a load of rattle snakes fell down on top of me,(they lay on the top of the shutter to keep cool) he thought it very funny,guess thats hill billy humour. it could of killed me :laughing: :laughing:

I think they are building a new firehouse opposite the truck stop Mick.

73

hi pat.
so they have started to build the new fire house then? is it next to the rescue squad,they have been talking about a new one for years.i suppose they will want some new fire ytucks to go with it then :laughing:
that old fire house with the snakes was down in southbay village.
cheers micktrick

74

diesel dan:
hi pat.
so they have started to build the new fire house then? is it next to the rescue squad,they have been talking about a new one for years.i suppose they will want some new fire ytucks to go with it then :laughing:
that old fire house with the snakes was down in southbay village.
cheers micktrick

Exactly where you say …

I just spent a half hour typing a new tale then my crappy lap top lost it :imp:

Another day then. PM me your number Mickrick will you ?

75

Paul John:
Hi Pat, nice one, there are some really [[zb]] jobs out there. I am an ex South Wales valley boy, lived in central Florida the past 18 yrs, a couple of yrs in Ohio previous to that. You know as well as me the Americans just don’t have the same sense of humour as us Brit’s, and defenitly not the commaradary either. Every time I go to work in a good mood here , and have a laugh they send me for a drug screen lol. Free country my ARSE !
Keep the tales coming, Paul.

Hi Paul, you got that right ! Sometimes it’s even funnier when they don’t get that i’m jokeing around, they don’t know i’m pulling their plonker and i’m trying to keep a staight face :laughing: :laughing:
Your right about being in a good mood too, i came back from a random drug test once and was in such a jokeing mood the dispatcher thought that a manager should find out what was wrong with me :unamused: i went to the gents and took a good sh… then back to dispatcher , head lowered and all serious like, got my paperwork and left :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Charles

76

Having seen the coments about ‘Old Gits’ etc and writting down our humorous tales, I thought I would start the ball rolling and reading the Bears coments in his diary, he mentioned ‘Spittlefields’ which brings back some very amusing memories.
Here are couple of tales invoving that place ;-

In the 80’s when I drove for Swifts I often had Maidstone trunk and ran down the road and back with a very good mate from another company, his CB handle was ‘Diesel Dan’, any one from that era who had a CB and ran the M1 at night would of heard of us. The M25 was not complete then and so we used the Blackwall tunnel going south, but because of the low clearance we came through the city comming back and stopped at a burger stand in Spittlefields every time, a few regulars would be there including a driver of a then new company called ‘Federal Express’ :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: The Fed Ex driver was a nice enough guy but we held an amount of jealosy concerning his very good pay and conditions. One night as we stood eating our monster sized grub the Fed Ex driver visited the underground loo’s nearby and during his absence a very smelly bag lady aproached us asking for a lift to Northampton, I said “no way” but my mate said “Yes, my love, go and get in my cab and I will be along as soon as I have finished eating” … I was rather shocked because he kapt his cab so clean, then his reason became clear… “Mine is the Federal Express truck” he said :laughing: We watched as the old lady climbed into the passenger side of the Sedon Atkinson and closed the door behind her.
The Fed Ex driver returned from the loo, finished his tea and said “I’m off now lads, see you soon” we watched him go to his truck, open the door and then go beserk :exclamation: :exclamation: :exclamation: “WHAT THE [zb] ARE YOU DOING IN HERE ?, GET THE [zb] OUT OF HERE”

We quicky got in our cabs and drove away at speed :laughing:

On another occasion we were driving toward the same spot and listening to some smooth talking slob trying to chat up a young ■■■■■■■ the CB (I forget which channel) during trying to impress her he mentioned he owned a new Jaguar, a new Porshe, a ■■■■■■ RS turbo… OH! and he also owned an old bedford van that he used as a run around :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
I keyed the mike and said “What the guy means luv is that he owns an old Bedford van and thats all he has, so if you go out with him he will arrive in the old van”
“Why don’t you [zb] off” said the slob … we soon got into a slanging match and he said he would come an beat the crap out on both me and my mate. My companion agree’d to this and told him to meet us a Spittlefield, near the burger van … I was shocked by the invitation untill my mate went on further, “I’ll be in a Federal Express truck” he said, I had a job to withold my laughter. We had been at the burger bar about 10 minutes when along comes this beaten up Bedord van that screeches to a halt at the Fed Ex truck and the slob gets out looking for the driver, who responds to his abuse by beating the crap out of him (He was a very big driver :laughing: )

So now all you guys who have some funny tales get writting, I will post some more soon :laughing:

77

Fantastic :slight_smile:

Its great to read about all these funny moments, This is the time of year when we all suddenly remember these tails and tell them around the christmas table to the rest of the family!

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Good stuff Pat, keep 'em coming.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

79

Best we ever did was when mobile phones were first being used, the TM would ring us up every 5 minutes to find out where we were. needless to say we soon got bored and as a result started diverting our phones through to each other so he never got the person he wanted. After we got bored of that game we used to leave the phones on divert to the local massage parlour, he got the point after that and stopped phoning as much. :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp:

80

smcaul:
Best we ever did was when mobile phones were first being used, the TM would ring us up every 5 minutes to find out where we were. needless to say we soon got bored and as a result started diverting our phones through to each other so he never got the person he wanted. After we got bored of that game we used to leave the phones on divert to the local massage parlour, he got the point after that and stopped phoning as much. :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp:

PMSL :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: