Does anybody else ■■■■ against there mrs (skin on skin) when in bed and pretend they are asleep?
Yeah but she soon wakes up and gives me a right slap though
skids:
Does anybody else ■■■■ against there mrs (skin on skin) when in bed and pretend they are asleep?
and from your username i sure do hope you clean up afterwords
This thread has made me laugh till a little bit of wee came out…not really!!! But it has reminded me of when i was a kid. My Dad had just bought a Volvo G88, 6x4 day cab, it was in crap condition. I remember we pulled at a garage to put some fuel in, what he didn’t tell me as he got out was that he’d let one rip, he slammed the door laughing his head off realising i couldn’t open the passenger window. I had sit and choke. I can still smell it now, over 30 years on 
skids:
Does anybody else ■■■■ against there mrs (skin on skin) when in bed and pretend they are asleep?
It’s the other way round for me. She usually ■■■■■ on me 
Muckaway:
reminiscent of a Gardner 180 firing up on a frosty morning
Funnily enough I just did one like that: Ting Ting Ting BANG Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
brados:
I can remember doing it in phone boxes and walking away too
Me too, mobile phones spoilt my fun
Have to say this threads been cracking me up, so thought id share a tale of the dangers. A mate of mines dad is a driver and one day was in just to do a day shift so no change of clothes. He got to the lorry put his foot on the first step let one go and followed through! He then had to waddle across the yard to tell the boss he had crapped him self and had to go home to change then of course had to sit in it in his car on way home. Wounder if when the boss rang the clients to say there loads would be late he admitted was because there driver had crapped himself.
mutley:
brados:
I can remember doing it in phone boxes and walking away tooMe too, mobile phones spoilt my fun
It hasn’t with me though, i ■■■■ down the telephone line and make out it is ‘interference’
porky:
Have to say this threads been cracking me up, so thought id share a tale of the dangers. A mate of mines dad is a driver and one day was in just to do a day shift so no change of clothes. He got to the lorry put his foot on the first step let one go and followed through! He then had to waddle across the yard to tell the boss he had crapped him self and had to go home to change then of course had to sit in it in his car on way home. Wounder if when the boss rang the clients to say there loads would be late he admitted was because there driver had crapped himself.
I followed through a few months back, I was at an RDC walking to the office when my muck hole just exploded. I had been feeling ill for a few days and had already been puking earlier in the day. Quick visit to the toilet doing the walk of shame lol!
skids:
I followed through a few months back, I was at an RDC walking to the office when my muck hole just exploded. I had been feeling ill for a few days and had already been puking earlier in the day. Quick visit to the toilet doing the walk of shame lol!
LOL, a friend of mine did that in the pub one night, we had been on the Guinness and he tried to be clever by pushing out a big one except that most of it was liquid he tried to clean himself up in the bog but failed miserably so ended up trying to flush his pants and socks down the pan and only succeeding in blocking it up, washing his trousers in the sink and rinsing his shoes out. The taxi still would not take him and he had a three mile walk home in wet shoes and trousers with no underpants or socks - such fun
skids:
porky:
Have to say this threads been cracking me up, so thought id share a tale of the dangers. A mate of mines dad is a driver and one day was in just to do a day shift so no change of clothes. He got to the lorry put his foot on the first step let one go and followed through! He then had to waddle across the yard to tell the boss he had crapped him self and had to go home to change then of course had to sit in it in his car on way home. Wounder if when the boss rang the clients to say there loads would be late he admitted was because there driver had crapped himself.I followed through a few months back, I was at an RDC walking to the office when my muck hole just exploded. I had been feeling ill for a few days and had already been puking earlier in the day. Quick visit to the toilet doing the walk of shame lol!
Just eating a roast dinner that includes sprouts and cabbage…
just had cous cous and smoked german sausage,top that off with a few pints of stones tonight and i`ll be bubbleing up nicely tomorrow 
Did a turd last week that was so long I crimped it off and it was still touching me bum hole. Took 5 flushes.
Little known fact, if you whip your kegs off and sit on the trap back to front, you can do a curly turd.
With practice, you can even get it to go in a knot.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
cieranc:
Did a turd last week that was so long I crimped it off and it was still touching me bum hole. Took 5 flushes.Little known fact, if you whip your kegs off and sit on the trap back to front, you can do a curly turd.
With practice, you can even get it to go in a knot.Don’t ask me how I know this.
LOL, I thought I had too much time on my hands until I read that!
brados:
After a night on the pop I did once bend over naked to show my wife how a real ■■■■ was done and actually fired a whole sweetcorn about 10 feet across the landing, had to pick it up myself as she was heaving in the bog, she never ate sweetcorn again, even to this day
i did one once pretty similar, i got down on all fours splits the cheeks apart and fired out a real blaster then found a " brazil nut " on the bed 
brados:
cieranc:
Did a turd last week that was so long I crimped it off and it was still touching me bum hole. Took 5 flushes.Little known fact, if you whip your kegs off and sit on the trap back to front, you can do a curly turd.
With practice, you can even get it to go in a knot.Don’t ask me how I know this.
LOL, I thought I had too much time on my hands until I read that!
Ive heard of the sphincter being called a baloon knot before but never being able to tie a turd knot!
I spent many years living in Germany, over there the thrones have a shelf that you drop the turd onto so you can make sure its all ok before sending it down the pipe! Its all to do with the Germans eating a lot of cooked meat I think and checking for worms
Mrs and myself got woken up by the flipping cat crawling up under the duvet one night, fortunatley i had my back to the middle of the bed and when the cat made it as far as my arse i let a biggun go!. Result was cat exiting the bed at a rapid rate of knots and straight into the wall. Spent the rest of the night peeing myself with laughter and the cat has given me a wide berth ever since.
I wrote this earlier, but it got bumped off to the Bull[zb] Bar…I should’ve put it in here.
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