I was sat at the lights waiting to join the M62 at J31. I’d seen this scruffy looking transit going slow , he was obviously lost. He clocked me and waved and the passenger jumped out and was obviously going to ask for directions.
I thought by the look of him and his vehicle, Appelby.
He then asks me the best way to the M25 and Dartford! I send him along the Westbound M62 and tell him to head M1 south.
And then I thought, seriously? 200 miles away and he hasn’t got a clue how to get there.
So whats the strangest directions you’ve ever been asked?
There I was… Sitting on a station bench in Basel Bahnhof, Switzerland. I’ve got myself a coffee, and it’s about 6am.
This middle aged couple approached me. They looked quite mediterannean in appearance, “Super Mario” type guy, “Big Mamma” in tow as the missus…
He starts talking to me in a “Mamma Mia Deutsche” kind of way, and I’m struggling to understand what I’m thinking is an Italian trying to speak German, with them having made the assumption that I’m a local…
I start answering him, attempting some Italian, but I’m not much cop at Italian, and the confused look on their faces made me switch back to German.
Missus then pipes up to hubby - “Just ask him in English you plonker - They all speak English in this part of the world don’t they?” with a south coast accent…! 
(Never judge a book by it’s cover - my bad!)
I breathe a sigh of relief and just say “Where you trying to get to fella?”
He looks a bit surprised, and says:-
“I just wanted to know where you got that coffee from. All the kiosks appear to be closed around here…? Y’know your English is very good fella!”
“Well, I was born in a hospital on the A21 as I suspect you might have been as well.” - says I… 
Turns out he was from Bexhill, and now living in Pembury…
The look on his face when I mentioned the A21 was absolutely priceless! 
It’s a small world out there folks…
I was up at Carlisle once, and a bloke with an Australian accent was asking me the way to “Loo-buh-roo”. After asking him to repeat it several times I glanced at the address he had written down. Loughborough.
When i was in the chill network 1 of our drivers reported seeing the Grim Reaper who was standing on the white line in the centre of the road on the A602
Once at Hamilton svcs northbound when an American chap asked me the way to Alton towers. I asked where he’d travelled from that day, “Stafford” was the answer! 
Once at Tibshelf svcs s/ bound a Traveller type very aggressively demanded that I tell him the way to Stanstead airport. “Certainly” I replied, “carry on down the M1 until you come to the A42, take that towards Birmingham, stay on the M42 signposted for the South west, pick up M5 South and it’s clearly signposted about 50 miles past Bristol” “Oh, enjoy your holiday too”.
the maoster:
Once at Tibshelf svcs s/ bound a Traveller type very aggressively demanded that I tell him the way to Stanstead airport. “Certainly” I replied, “carry on down the M1 until you come to the A42, take that towards Birmingham, stay on the M42 signposted for the South west, pick up M5 South and it’s clearly signposted about 50 miles past Bristol” “Oh, enjoy your holiday too”.
A middle aged couple driving around Southampton who stopped to ask directions because they’d been driving around for ages, but can’t see any signs for Northampton.
I think my reply was something like, “next left, then a right at the roundabout, and then just keep going for about 100 miles…”
mick.mh2racing:
I was sat at the lights waiting to join the M62 at J31. I’d seen this scruffy looking transit going slow , he was obviously lost. He clocked me and waved and the passenger jumped out and was obviously going to ask for directions.
I thought by the look of him and his vehicle, Appelby.
He then asks me the best way to the M25 and Dartford! I send him along the Westbound M62 and tell him to head M1 south.
And then I thought, seriously? 200 miles away and he hasn’t got a clue how to get there.
So whats the strangest directions you’ve ever been asked?
I would sent him A1 A14 M11 but there you go!
Last year I had pulled into the layby just off of the M62 at Howden in my van and this scouse lad driving a Focus came over and asked me the way to Doncaster. I told him that he had to go back a couple of junctions to the M18 and follow it south for several miles, can’t miss it then. He then asked if he could get to Grimsby that way, so after a deep sigh I told him to either head down the M18 and off on the M180 and follow that or go over the Humber bridge, he then asked if that was near Skegness as that was where he was actually heading! 
Pete.
About ten years ago working for South West Water in a tiny village in Cornwall called Whitemoor had a couple of scousers stop and ask me where the prison was.
The look on their faces was priceless when i told them how lost they were 
tango boy:
mick.mh2racing:
I was sat at the lights waiting to join the M62 at J31. I’d seen this scruffy looking transit going slow , he was obviously lost. He clocked me and waved and the passenger jumped out and was obviously going to ask for directions.
I thought by the look of him and his vehicle, Appelby.
He then asks me the best way to the M25 and Dartford! I send him along the Westbound M62 and tell him to head M1 south.
And then I thought, seriously? 200 miles away and he hasn’t got a clue how to get there.
So whats the strangest directions you’ve ever been asked?I would sent him A1 A14 M11 but there you go!
I’d have gone A1, A14, M11 as well but this neanderthal could clearly undestand only simple instructions and I’m sat at the lights on green with traffic behind me.
Whilst working on a rig ,in the North sea.
Some unshaven cockernee geezer,appeared from nowhere aboard an an old trawler asking for directions to Holland.
There was one time an elderly couple pulled up in their car (I’m in south-west London) and asked for directions to Suffolk. I know which way I’d go (A240, A217, M25, A12) but had to make sure they couldn’t get lost as they already had done. I think I told them to go out to junction 10 then turn left.
And last Saturday I was walking in Kingston town centre and an elderly black lady asked me for the way to the tube station. I gave her the directions to the train station but said there were no tubes, just trains. She said “Ealing Broadway station”. She was surprised to find she was not in Ealing but I told her to get the number 65 bus which goes all the way there. I walked in the same direction to make sure she didn’t get lost again but got ahead of her and when I looked back, she’d disappeared.
Suedehead:
Whilst working on a rig ,in the North sea.
Some unshaven cockernee geezer,appeared from nowhere aboard an an old trawler asking for directions to Holland.
Mangetout My Son 
mick.mh2racing:
tango boy:
mick.mh2racing:
I was sat at the lights waiting to join the M62 at J31. I’d seen this scruffy looking transit going slow , he was obviously lost. He clocked me and waved and the passenger jumped out and was obviously going to ask for directions.
I thought by the look of him and his vehicle, Appelby.
He then asks me the best way to the M25 and Dartford! I send him along the Westbound M62 and tell him to head M1 south.
And then I thought, seriously? 200 miles away and he hasn’t got a clue how to get there.
So whats the strangest directions you’ve ever been asked?I would sent him A1 A14 M11 but there you go!
I’d have gone A1, A14, M11 as well but this neanderthal could clearly undestand only simple instructions and I’m sat at the lights on green with traffic behind me.
I’m with you on that, when peeps are that lost, words of 1 syllable can sometimes be confusing 
Dad was asked where “Peely-Wheely” was and on another occasion “Mac-link-cliff”. Or as we called them in Wales, Pwllheli and Machynlleth. 
On break in a layby just off J9 M25 earlier this week and I was asked how to get to Yorkshire. 
Back in the late 1980’s, when we were constructing the new M40 from the M42 to Shrewley, I was trundling down the old section of the M42 running alongside the Coleshill by pass with a load of tarmac when the Foreign artic in front suddenly braked and slowed to a halt. The other two lanes were running fine so I couldn’t fathom why we had stopped, then the driver appeared from the artic with a map and asked me in broken English where Kidderminster was! No traffic in front of him…he just stopped!
Pete.
Sumsmeister:
On break in a layby just off J9 M25 earlier this week and I was asked how to get to Yorkshire.
“S’allright mate, not far, you’re only a couple of roads away…”
A few years ago I was parked up in a layby for the night In Yugoslavia heading for somewhere in the middle east, when an Arab in his nightshirt driving an old Mercedes truck he’s bought in Germany, stopped and, pointing down the road, enquired, “Arabia?”. I pointed the same way and nodded, “Yes mate, Arabia that way”, there was no way I could tell him every ■■■■■■■ turn!
Sumsmeister:
On break in a layby just off J9 M25 earlier this week and I was asked how to get to Yorkshire.
Probably the same bloke that asked me how to get home!