bestbooties:
A few years ago I was parked up in a layby for the night In Yugoslavia heading for somewhere in the middle east, when an Arab in his nightshirt driving an old Mercedes truck he’s bought in Germany, stopped and, pointing down the road, enquired, “Arabia?”. I pointed the same way and nodded, “Yes mate, Arabia that way”, there was no way I could tell him every [zb] turn!
Must have been a right good few years ago!
Suedehead:
Whilst working on a rig ,in the North sea.
Some unshaven cockernee geezer,appeared from nowhere aboard an an old trawler asking for directions to Holland.
That’s not quite so weird as it sounds, before the days of satellite navigation on board boats I sailed from Ijmuiden bound for Great Yarmouth which in decent weather took us 15 hours but on this occasion the weather was horrid with lot more than half a gale of wind on our head which slowed us down somewhat. After 18 hrs and still no sign of land I called up the ferry that was coming towards us and ran from GY to Sheveningen, Norfolk Line and asked him for his position and plotted it on the chart only to find we were still only half way across. Depressing to say the least.
bestbooties:
A few years ago I was parked up in a layby for the night In Yugoslavia heading for somewhere in the middle east, when an Arab in his nightshirt driving an old Mercedes truck he’s bought in Germany, stopped and, pointing down the road, enquired, “Arabia?”. I pointed the same way and nodded, “Yes mate, Arabia that way”, there was no way I could tell him every [zb] turn!
He might have wanted to know “Arabia?” so he could get his mat out, and face the correct direction… 
Parked in Heston services one Friday afternoon last summer, waiting to dis-load Saturday morning at 'ammersmiff flyover, when a Fiat 500 with Italian plates pulls up. The most stunning young lady with the longest, shapeliest legs, and shortest mini-skirt 
, I’ve ever had the joy to behold, eased out of the passenger seat and asked me in splendidly broken English for directions to Stanstead airport!
They’d been told to use the M4, North Circular, and M11. On a Friday afternoon!!! Whilst trying to stay genitally flaccid by not staring at her downstairs, I managed to direct her back to the M25 and round to the M11, all the while resisting the temptation to ask her to sit on my face and wriggle
Came out of Rugby one night and stopped in the lay by at the M6junction for a natter with a mate and a car pulled up and a fella asked which way for Manchester. We are all parked in front of a road sign as big as a football field that says Manchester and N West left ,London and South right.
My mate looked at him and then at the sign and told him the sign says go right !! And he did!!.And just in case ,he was English.
Bassman
Worst i ever heard was in 05 when i was sat on a592 just north of bowness when a yank asked me for directions to loch ness.
Asked him if he was sure he wanted the loch and he said yep. I just been to bo-nessie. But didnt see a monster. So i wanna go see the monster at loch nessie…
Smiled as i told him the way. Step by step.
Then pointed out it would take best part of 6 hours…he looked confused as he thought it was only 4 page turns on his road map…
A few weeks back at a place in preston,on the the bay getting tipped a hsf wagon backed on,one pallet 6 boxes on it 5 minute tip,until they showed the driver the address…invoice address preston delivery address devon, his face was priceless .another time in nisa stoke a foreign driver asked for directions to felling in newcastle-under lyme,atlas out quick look sorry driver its newcastle upon tyne,when he says he got of the boat in newcastle day before,oh dear 
I remember my first girlfriend gave me some directions. It was a very tight alley. Down a bit…no not there…definitely not there.
Winseer:
There I was… Sitting on a station bench in Basel Bahnhof, Switzerland. I’ve got myself a coffee, and it’s about 6am.This middle aged couple approached me. They looked quite mediterannean in appearance, “Super Mario” type guy, “Big Mamma” in tow as the missus…
He starts talking to me in a “Mamma Mia Deutsche” kind of way, and I’m struggling to understand what I’m thinking is an Italian trying to speak German, with them having made the assumption that I’m a local…
I start answering him, attempting some Italian, but I’m not much cop at Italian, and the confused look on their faces made me switch back to German.
Missus then pipes up to hubby - “Just ask him in English you plonker - They all speak English in this part of the world don’t they?” with a south coast accent…!
(Never judge a book by it’s cover - my bad!)I breathe a sigh of relief and just say “Where you trying to get to fella?”
He looks a bit surprised, and says:-
“I just wanted to know where you got that coffee from. All the kiosks appear to be closed around here…? Y’know your English is very good fella!”
“Well, I was born in a hospital on the A21 as I suspect you might have been as well.” - says I…Turns out he was from Bexhill, and now living in Pembury…
The look on his face when I mentioned the A21 was absolutely priceless!
It’s a small world out there folks…
I know when on holiday it can be a bit depressing to come across a mealy mouthed Brit, but conversely when I’m working overseas far away from home and I come across a Brit it does give me a little glow. I love it. A slice of home and one of my own. But I’m a proud Brit and love my homeland. Gods country 
