Help with divorce needed

OUT OF HOURS HEALTH AND FAMILY (INTERACTIVE)
1

Last July after a few problems me and my wife split, a couple of weeks later, I found out she had been having an affair for 18 months at least ( we had only been married 2 years). She admitted to this and she has since been living with her new partner, I stayed in the marital home. However after a couple of months, I found I could no longer afford to live there on my own, so I moved back in with my parents, and decided to go back tramping, as its difficult to move back to your parents at 31.

In the meantime I carried on paying the joint mortgage, and also a joint loan that we had got. She never contributed a penny. There is also a joint account that is currently frozen and overdrawn.

I started divorce proceedings last October, and before things can be sorted the finances need to be decided. In July her and her partner moved into our house, and started paying just under half of our current monthly liabilities.

I spoke to her about 6 weeks ago to try and sort things out, and we agreed that she could keep the house and I would walk away with the loan (not the best solution you may think but I think the house is currently in negative equity, so I am happy with this agreement, as I can go and get a mortgage on my own)

In the past couple of weeks however, she has said that she doesnt want the house, but wants to stay there until it is sold. I have said " yes thats fine but you pay the full mortgage until it is" she wont agree to this, and she knows full well that in the current climate it could take quite a while to sell. I feel that for me to continue paying a little towards the mortgage would be subsidising her and him.

Now just bear this in mind, since we have split, she has had a brand new 07 plate car, and a brand new 08 plate Focus and a 2 week holiday in Turkey. As far as I am aware as well, she has not altered her quite good lifestyle. Me, on the other hand have had not had one week off this year, have no money for luxuries, have had to scrape around for essentials, and am currently on medication for depression.

Im not looking for sympathy, and I bear her no malice, as I have a partner and am happy, but as of today I have cancelled the direct debit for the mortgage, as I couldnt care whether it gets repossesed or not, as I feel I have nothing to lose.

My question is do you think I have done right or could I have done something else?

2

yes you could have got a sawn off shotgun

3

I wish :smiley:

4

I have cancelled the direct debit for the mortgage, as I couldnt care whether it gets repossesed or not

as I can go and get a mortgage on my own

Might shoot yourself in the foot on this :exclamation:

5

Bug,

sorry to hear about all this that is happening in your life and i hope you are ok. i dont think you have done wrong, in fact i think you have gone above and beyond the call of duty for what you have done for your ex and her fella. if she wants to stay in the house she pays the full whack, simple. it sounds as if she wants to have her cake and eat it. i think you have done right mate. dont back down and stick to your guns and refuse to bail them out anymore. if they are struggling to pay the mortgage then i suggest they sell one of thier cars!!!

i got divorced in 2002 (paid for by my current wife) after walking out on my ex and left her with everything apart from my playstation, computer, washing machine (my mums was on its last legs), a coffee table that my dad liked and about £20,000 worth of debt on credit cards in my name that she had spent and didnt want to know about. sometimes it is best to cut your losses, break all ties and walk away.

good luck in the future dude

6

Fair point Rog, dont know what else to do though to be honest, hopefully I will be calling her bluff

7

sorry to hear about your problems mate. I’d suggest that you re-establish the direct debit and continue to pay it, as this will only go against you. Having a missed payment on your mortgage can mean problems getting credit, a loan or a mortgage in the furture.

Get a Solicitor on the case - its all in your favour as she technicaly anulled the marriage by having the affair, and you had to move from your home.

DON’T get yourself into difficulties with credit etc in the current climate!!!

I hope you get something sorted.

8

Cheers Gibsla, have managed to pay off credit cards, that were used to buy furniture. Absolutely hate being in debt, especially when youve got nowt to show for it :imp:

9

Solicitor is on the case and she has wrote to my wife to tell her that I am not paying any more mortgage payments as of November

10

One good thing - no-one mentioned any children involved so it’s just the ‘grown-ups’ to get things sorted.

11

bugcos:
Cheers Gibsla, have managed to pay off credit cards, that were used to buy furniture. Absolutely hate being in debt, especially when youve got nowt to show for it :imp:

thats exactly how i felt to start with. especially as she was going out on a night enjoying herself while me and the current wife were struggling to pay the bills and eat every month :open_mouth: :open_mouth: . it really wound me up but oh how it has changed now.

she is living in single living accomodation (at the age of 37 i find that quite sad) with nothing to her name apart from a battered old astra, while me and the mrs are in a nice 3 bedroomed house with LCD tvs in all the rooms 3 laptops and a computer and have at least one good holiday a year! can you guess how much i rub it in if i ever see her■■? :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

12

Thats right Rog no kids thankfully

13

When I got divorced in 92 I took what I wanted from the house and moved ( with 2 young children)

A few mouth later another woman mover in to my house I didnt pay anything towards the mortgage as I was only workin part time he was workin full time and so was she I did takeover some of the bills but as he was left most of the contents he was left with what debt there was on them

I did have a very good solicitor who dealt with all of this so we never discussed this at all

I would say yes you have done the right thing or tell her if she wants you to pay half the mortgage you will be moving back in to the house :laughing: she may change her mind then

Good luck with it mine took from June 92 till Dec 92 he then remarried a few years later me on my own have been since and quite happy no I havent bought another house due to a few things dont have the big tv etc but I an quite happy thanks what I have is mine

14

LIke Animal I moved out with 3 young children only in those years if a woman walked out they got nothing, I had to prove what was called constructive desertion, I had a very good lawyer who handled everything for me and at the high court the Judge at Northampton was basically on my side and sorted the finacial side out properly, I have been on my own now many years and have worked hard, and like Animal, what I have now is mine, I suggest a lawyer is essential but I am surprised they tell you not to pay your mortgage, you pay the morgage and keep a firm record of the payments then when the property is sold you can laim that amount back. I think you will find that gives you good standing in the eyes of the law. Good luck with everything theres always light at the end of the tunnel

15

i wish you all the luck bug she never looked to happy in the pic’s you posted of her on your diarys.

i would stop the payments on the mortgage and let her get on with it…

on the other hand carry on paying the payments and leave a paper trail and in 20 years it could turn out to be a very wise investment. :wink:

16

Hi Bug,

Sorry I havent replied to your messages…no credit on my bloody phone!!!

Sorry to hear bout your problems, but your are doing the right thing with getting a solicitor on the case now, they will hopefully give you the right advice and get this sorted for you…and once you are back on your feet and life is peachy…you can look back and think " I am ok, I did it right, fairly and with dignity".

Chin Up :wink:

I will call you on Monday ok.

17

jessicas dad:
i wish you all the luck bug she never looked to happy in the pic’s you posted of her on your diarys.

Thats the missus Im with at the minute JD, Cant fault her mate to be honest she puts up with a lot, Me ex got no pics of her anymore

18

bugcos:

jessicas dad:
i wish you all the luck bug she never looked to happy in the pic’s you posted of her on your diarys.

Thats the missus Im with at the minute JD, Cant fault her mate to be honest she puts up with a lot, Me ex got no pics of her anymore

:open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

sorry.

19

jessicas dad:

bugcos:

jessicas dad:
i wish you all the luck bug she never looked to happy in the pic’s you posted of her on your diarys.

Thats the missus Im with at the minute JD, Cant fault her mate to be honest she puts up with a lot, Me ex got no pics of her anymore

:open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

sorry.

:laughing:

Will you be going to the TruckNet christmas do JD?

You’re a braver man than me :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:

20

Wheel Nut:

jessicas dad:

bugcos:

jessicas dad:
i wish you all the luck bug she never looked to happy in the pic’s you posted of her on your diarys.

Thats the missus Im with at the minute JD, Cant fault her mate to be honest she puts up with a lot, Me ex got no pics of her anymore

:open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :open_mouth: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

sorry.

:laughing:

Will you be going to the TruckNet christmas do JD?

You’re a braver man than me :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue:

sssshshhhhhh :blush: