m1cks:
jay0:
A few years ago when I was working on a building site a new Foreign chap who had recently started working as a teleporter driver was told to go up and fill the teleporter with diesel, a few minutes later he came back up the site at 1mph with the bucket on the front full to the brim with dieselIâd love to see the day teleporters replace telehandlers on building sites.
Sorted now m1cks 
Just before Christmas parked up end of the day pushed the steering wheel up out the way locked the unit up and went home, came in next day the office said had an agency numpty used your unit last night he didnât stop moaning how uncomfortable it was to drive (63 plate FH).
He got in it didnt realise you could adjust the steering wheel and drove all night with it pushed up he said dont know how you drive it like that lol not seen him since for some reason 
robbo99:
th2013:
robbo99:
An ex work mate of mine was parked up half way up a large slope at a delivery point, (Birds Eye, Hull). His transport manager went over to wake him and told him to drop his trailer where it was and go and collect another one from around the corner, being half asleep he climbed out of his cab and pulled the pin then watched as the trailer rolled down the slope, ripped all the lines off, rear end of trailer lifted up as the front of the trailer dropped as it cleared the unit, rolled 40 feet down the slope and it ended up with the rear of the trailer sat ON the loading bay.Something bothering my wee little brain about this. He was on hill, so unit park brake on or whole lot would have gone. lines connected. so why werenât trailer brakes on when he pulled pin? Do some units not do that?
Not too sure back in the old days, but thats what happened
That will be old three line system on with taps. The park brake only acts on tractor unit, no prizes for guessing how I found that out!
Had a driver pick up a load in southern Germany for a regular customer in Widnes, so didnât bother reading the notes, load was only meant to go 50Km up the road and dropped off, not all the way to Widnes.
I was on spot hire to p&o Ellsmere port it was a mouthy girl bullied and bragged her way to traffic head clerk I go in ,right away here ,off you go Caustic soda from ICI load it fetch it back from Runcorn ,checks the notes not familiar with there trailers looks for the trailer with the no given to me .looks at it goes back to the office excuse me canât take that tank,well off she goes on a hissy fit in the end she ask why and I told her it was a general purpose tank it will do she screamed take it ,the office went quiet in disbelief when it was explained that the caustic soda would eat through the tank and put 25ton of caustic soda on the road she did not no where to put herself if I had been a newbie and just gone for it what a disaster. Did she get the sack.? Not at all when next time P@o got the contract at Shell they gave her a job in the office at Shell still making drivers lives a misery, as some of the lads say on here it makes you wonder weâre they get these idiots in the offices. A week later I was in there again tipped latex at Manchester got the tank washed at Trafford park ,back to the port right get the tank washed out I told her I washed it out at Trafford Park ,another 5minute rant till we told her there own wash because of drainage trouble with latex it was banned , another silence,what a â â â â â â
One old boy i met on the way told me how amazed he was at the anchor butter cows being able to dance so well all together in a line.
Heâd a straight face and meant it.
When I worked for Martindales Coaches in the 80âs doing Spain shuttles these stories were a weekly occurrence and I have to say the best years of my life. We actually hated have days off on England. Heres two true stories:
We used to come of P&O Ferries at Dover and the passengers alighted and went through customs as foot passengers. The second driver and Hostess also went with them. The coach captain would then take the coach through customs for a vehicle check. âBudgieâ notorious for excessive smuggling had an old Volvo with the destination screen at the front, his usual Scania in for a new clutch. Customs were suspicious of him but he always got away with it. So this time he pulls his coach up for a check and two customs officers get straight on and arrest him. He said âhey want are you doing, you have not even searched the coach yetâ. They walked him around the front of the coach and pointed to the destination screen which was all lit up illuminating thousands of Regal King Size cigarettes 
âJohnâ also a bit greedy on the smuggling front had San Miguel everywhere. The hostess could not use her fridge, the passengers put their feet on top of the cases and the cases covered all the floor area on both decks! Tony and I told him he has gone over the weight as it looked like a heavily pregnant white Elephant with Siesta International written on the side of her gut but he ignored us as we waited to board the ferry at Calais docks. So I go on the ferry first and John is following me but his coach did not make the ramp and bellied on the ramp. Even unloading the San Miguel did not free it and a dock crane had to help her off John Martindale went ape â â â â about it giving John a good rollicking and then said I want half of that beer.
Daytrunker:
Just before Christmas parked up end of the day pushed the steering wheel up out the way locked the unit up and went home, came in next day the office said had an agency numpty used your unit last night he didnât stop moaning how uncomfortable it was to drive (63 plate FH).
He got in it didnt realise you could adjust the steering wheel and drove all night with it pushed up he said dont know how you drive it like that lol not seen him since for some reason
The daft colleague I mentioned earlier is excelling himself. He ignored the instructions of another driver âdonât open the sunroofâ (it leaks)âŚHe left it open over the weekend after sleeping in it (keeps using our wagons as hostels 
)
Double shifted with the driver yesterday whoâs instructions he ignoredâŚand took the step off the lorry.
Tonight heâs doing my night out as I have a DCPC course tomorrowâŚHe rang earlier to say it wasnât his fault but he "reversed up a one way street (the wrong way) into a Focus coming down. If thatâs not annoying enough, I get in the yard this morning to double shift one of our new wagons, and Daft Colleague was using my cab as a homeless shelter last night.
I only overnight in trucks if Iâm driving it that day and the next, and Iâm too tired to drive homeâŚ
Whilst worrking at a warehouse in Bishop auckland Co Durham a scouse lad pulled up asking for the name of a company in an industrial estate with the same name in Bishop Stortford⌠ouch 
alder:
Heres two true stories:We used to come of P&O Ferries at Dover and the passengers alighted and went through customs as foot passengers. The second driver and Hostess also went with them. The coach captain would then take the coach through customs for a vehicle check. âBudgieâ notorious for excessive smuggling had an old Volvo with the destination screen at the front, his usual Scania in for a new clutch. Customs were suspicious of him but he always got away with it. So this time he pulls his coach up for a check and two customs officers get straight on and arrest him. He said âhey want are you doing, you have not even searched the coach yetâ. They walked him around the front of the coach and pointed to the destination screen which was all lit up illuminating thousands of Regal King Size cigarettes
Ive heard that story a lot more than once, but change the bus for a Globetrotter, hide â â â â /booze behind the lining for the illuminated headboard, and drive off the boat with the headboard light on. Every item perfectly lit up.
The driver who backed under a trailer, he was putting the dog clip in just as the unit had worked out that trailer was loaded & decided it would drop the mid lift axle on his foot - pinning him to the spot for a while