One of our relief drivers offered to help recover one of our lorries which the night loader had accidentally parked on a patch of soft ground in the corner of our yard. Thing is, his idea of recovering a 26t Daf CF rigid was to ignore the towing eyes and to tie a strap around the bumper of the stuck vehicle, and attach the other end to the rear of another; Bent the bumper almost to resemble a ships’ bow before he thought he’d better stop, but here’s where he excelled himself; To sort the bumper out, he laid a line of pallets against said bumper, and drove into them with the other vehicle. 
Our landlords have an ex army Scammel wrecker used for shows-he didn’t think of asking the owners to tow the lorry with it.
Can anyone better this Frank Spencer-like behaviour??
Edit to add several of us are hoping said relief doesn’t cover our holidays and DCPC courses.
Two Brit drivers parked up on what they thought was a hard surface in a French layby.
It rained in the night.They awoke to two trucks sank in a chalky mud.
Recovery was thousands in cost.
Someone nameless filled our old lovingly restored Scania 2 series with petrol when it was in Italy on tour the other week, and then compounded this by not realising he did it, turning it over, then calling for recovery and got them to take it to a Scania main dealer of all places, who spent hours checking over engine on an premium hourly rate before it occurred to someone to dip a finger in the brimming fuel tank “Ahhhh…Benzine…”
When they finally got it drained, filled, primed and started, the genius premium rate mechanics had left the alternator disconnected so that night it’s stranded again on hard shoulder with no lights not even any hazards. The next day went well though!
Despite a detailed map and risk assessment our very own frank spencer got lost, he attempted to turn around in a narrow lane the end result was the unit and trailer being recovered with half a tree poking out of the front.
This particular thread should run and run .
Had one chap put ad blue in the windscreen washer bottle. Motor looked like it had been through a Siberian blizzard.
Another left his hand brake off & rolled a freighted decker in to the side of a pro logis warehouse, luckily didn’t roll far as it was picking up pace, driver nearly went under the wheels trying to jump back in the cab.
Silver_Surfer:
Had one chap put ad blue in the windscreen washer bottle. Motor looked like it had been through a Siberian blizzard.
Driver made a mess in the loo.Loose bowels and it was all over the floor.Result of this;All visting drivers now banned to use the loo and drink vending machine.
One messes up,we all suffer.Driver spotted by security walking back and forth to the loo carrying a bag with boxer shorts in.
One of my old work mates once left the handbrake off when coupling so the whole outfit started to roll,so he jumped off the unit and ran round the front of the cab and tried to stop it with his hands by pushing the cab…it eventually rolling in to a barrier with minimal damage.
He got the nick name superman after because he obviously thought he had super strength powers 
Years ago a mechanic colleague of mine went out to fetch a brand new xf off the forecourt in the Daf agents we were working in.
The batteries were dead so as the forecourt was on a hill he jumped in to try to bump start it. Released the handbrake but the air was down so no good.
Fetched the jump start pack, reached in and turned the key, disconnected the pack and walked back into the workshop with it. When he came back the truck had 9 grand of damage after rolling away when the air built up. He hadn’t put back on the handbrake
Did a few weeks last year for a small Euro firm in Brum. A previous driver had fuelled up a Srinter with Adblue in Belgium…And driven a few yards!
2 of our drivers set of one Sunday for Monday morning tips to Catrine with glass. Going over the 66 one would ■■■■ all over the other going up the hills and then the other would ■■■■ all over the other going down them.
They both pulled in to Southwaite services for a break and the driver who was beating the other going uphill decided to check his trailer to find out he had picked up a trailer loaded with Chep pallets bound for Pontefract! 
Best thing about it he never got a bollocking or had any money took out of his wage for the waste of diesel and wages for that day for such a stupid error.
Was working for stobrats, and went to the old crick despot about seven years ago and dropped my empty in. Got next job for PURFLEET and listened to a transport manager giving precise instructions to two polish lads " UPTO tossco Livingston, drop and swap and return to crick despot! "
Off they went to Livingston, swapped with each other and returned to crick! Seven hour drive non stop, swap trailers ( empty by the way ! ) and a quick hour for lunch and seven hours return journey with no break! 
thank you 15 hours shift no mither and a nice drive too! made me chuckle no end
My mate was distracted by another driver talking to him by the cab.He pulls away from the dropped trailer with all the air and electric lines still attached.He got about 20 metres before stopping.Another chap went 200 miles where he was not supposed to be.
On a fax/email there were about five different addresses.He chose one which was not for the reload.
He had to pay the wasted fuel.Nobody watching the tracker that day.
He said what if the lorry had been stolen and he was knocked out in a ditch?
I ear wigged a story a while back about a guy who worked where i used to work, Called him Dolly and he was ‘Dolly Dimple’.
Dolly had tipped somewhere down south, “Head up the M6 and we will give you a ring”, he by passed Manchester and was towards Scotland before the next call “Where are you”.
Another he got directions off another Driver for a drop Northampton way, “Keep going down the road until you cant get any further”, Dolly Forrest Gump’d and ended up by the coast.
Dolly Forrest Gump’d and ended up by the coast
brilliant
When i first past my test i had to go to boalloy at congleton for a new curtainsider,i had never been before and was going unit only[bobtail],i went back in the office after a hour and ask where this bob tale was so i could follow him ,
Has anyone noticed how employers seem to appreciate the 'tards who do these silly things more so than the driver who comes in, does his job and goes home?
Cotswoldcrunch:
Has anyone noticed how employers seem to appreciate the 'tards who do these silly things more so than the driver who comes in, does his job and goes home?
STOBRATS BEING THE PRIME EXAMPLE!
Cotswoldcrunch:
Has anyone noticed how employers seem to appreciate the 'tards who do these silly things more so than the driver who comes in, does his job and goes home?
Yes, we have one who gets away with murder, though he does keep us amused (we pick on him and leave everyone else alone ) but he is legendary for blocking the whole yard up every day 
He doesn’t get nights out as he is of a slightly nervous disposition
He just bought a new sat nav for his wagon (a car sat nav) for the same price I am selling an up to date newish snooper truckmate, he said the snooper might be to technical for him to understand
Cotswoldcrunch:
Has anyone noticed how employers seem to appreciate the 'tards who do these silly things more so than the driver who comes in, does his job and goes home?
Its for the entertainment value m8,there was a agency driver who i used to work with who was called captain caos ,he was allways in trouble and making mistakes ,but he was a good worker and would do anything for you,they just laughed at him