Balancing work and home life advice?

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS THE UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUM (INTERACTIVE)
41

Not easy trying to balance things but you are young you still need time to enjoy life as you cant turn the clock back

I am on my own but still have to give up thing ( dont have a tv only have the phone I have due to being my son old 1 ) both my kids have left home btw they are a little older than you 1 has a 1yr old daughter her 2nd due late dec/early jan her partner is a van driver on a low wage ( yep they get tax credit not a lot but it does help ) of course us parents help out as much as we can

You need o sit down work out your finances see what you can cut back on a little as money is not everything time with family is more important dont be like a lot of us & have a relationship break down if you can work sun -thur when you off have time together make time when you home at night eat together no tv on sit & talk

Although my last relationship broke down partly due to my job ( he was also a driver ) we did make time for each other mainly on a sun mor when we were both off ok you have a young child why dont you get up with her 1 mor when you off let your wife have a lie in take her a cuppa / breakfast in bed that mor whn daughter has gone to bed make some time for each other at least 1 night per week

When you both off during week go out do something as a family ie go to park sea life canter or other museum most are free now

42

Since starting a family my wife and I have both worked part time to earn one good full time income between us, we have never had to pay for childcare and the kids are now 14 and 16. Working weekends is OK when the kids are young but you don’t want to be doing every weekend after they start school. As a couple you have to do this as a team with a definite idea of why you are doing it and you have to live within your means.

My first part time HGV driving job was a jobshare with another driver I was working with when our daughter was born in 98, I have cherry picked shifts with agencies and worked direct for firms. Currently I have a regular, contracted job driving PSV for a bus company doing school runs about 20 hours a week, this pays £250 and I do other ad-hoc driving for this company and others, I average another £100 a week, sometimes a lot more but sometimes nowt - I haven’t used an agency for a while. Can you see how this might work if your Mrs does the same and you both get all your tax allowance? You do have to do your share of domestic stuff as well tho.

In my experience decent(ish) part time work is available but you have to really want it in order to look hard enough to find it.

Perhaps something for you to discuss with your Mrs if she’s bored being at home with a 2 year old, personally I found being at home with a 2 year old fascinating but I didn’t have to do it all the time. At weekends I would hand over to the wife and go off pretending to be a trucker driving artic tankers, but I was only pretending because my real job was being dad.

43

Also I notice that you said your wife works 2/3 days a week, if any of those days are when you are off, get her to drop those days as whats the point in you having time off if it’s so she can be stuck at work.

Times are meant to be hard when your young, me and my missus struggled for years when my daughter was born, although I was only on £300 a week then and the only earner.

44

Yes you need time off together, If she’s working when you’re off all the time, that’s not good, we used to aim for two days off with each other - they don’t need to be weekends at the moment. If she’s working while you’re also at work then who’s looking after your daughter? Childcare is expensive and it doesn’t work financially unless your wife has a really well paid job.

45

Could easy be a family member having child or is she a childminder

46

happysack:
Get a job in tesco. Couple of hundred quid a week. Bin the cars. Tax credits etc. Bobs your uncle.

couple of hundred quid dont think so everyone who works at tescos is on a maximum of 27 hours and thats £170 a week and thats if your really lucky most are on about 16 hours about hundred quid a week

47

swellbelly:

happysack:
Get a job in tesco. Couple of hundred quid a week. Bin the cars. Tax credits etc. Bobs your uncle.

couple of hundred quid dont think so everyone who works at tescos is on a maximum of 27 hours and thats £170 a week and thats if your really lucky most are on about 16 hours about hundred quid a week

And if everyone goes to work at Tesco, who will deliver the stuff that you stack on the shelves :exclamation:

48

Have you considered approaching your boss seeing if their are any jobs which are more sociable ie office jobs.

Good advice all round on here maybe if you do take a job which is less time consuming more socialable and you do have far more
time on your hands for family other things etc and suggestion could be also go to night school or part time college/university learn something new your only 23 years old still young enough to learn new skills for a different career.

I would not fancy been 23 now looking forward to a life time in the haulage industry with a young family growing up.

49

I was lucky I had a strong woman my late wife, who done a magnificent job of bringing up my two lads by herself, I was not there much of the time, either working up the road or abroad for long periods, she did this without complaint for 30 years until her death, I know it hurt her when I went always but she full well under stood that all that we had came from me working away a lot. The only time I nearly called it a day was one Saturday night while reading one of my lads who was 4 or 5 years old at the time, a bed time story, he looked me in the eyes and asked “why do you have to go away again in the morning?” I tried to answer him the best I could so I said “I have to go away to earn the money to buy you your sweets and toys which I know you like”, well he looked at me and said with a tear in his eye, “I don’t want any sweets or toys dad”, talk about stopping you in your tracks, thinking about the look on his face still chokes me up even now, I think he was a lot wiser than I was, they have both turned out to be fine young men whom I am very proud of but it was all down to one person that strong woman.

Ossie

50
  1. £450 a week is not good money.
  2. Your daughter will only grow up once.
  3. You WILL regret missing her growing up.
  4. You are (I hope) with your Mrs because you want to be. SO BE WITH HER.

Trust me I’m speaking from experience plus I take home about £320 a week and still think £450 for being away is crap.

51

OssieD:
I think he was a lot wiser than I was, they have both turned out to be fine young men whom I am very proud of but it was all down to one person that strong woman.

Ossie

Don’t you underestimate your input here Ossie, you performed that most important task, you provided for them doing what you did best, but far more importantly you were the rock solid example that youngsters need, its not just your wife’s input that made them fine young men, they had a father they can respect too.

I’m so sorry your wife died before her time, she sounds a wonderful woman, and i’m sure she was proud of the man in her life too, if you could ask her i’m sure she wouldn’t have changed a thing.

It may be currently unfashionable to be seen as a male provider unless a celebrity/MP/journalist/footballer, but fashion fads are a funny thing, Dave’s currently promoting women into ministerial postions, but these are not nurturing mothers who raise their own children with a mothers tender love, these are career women who fit the bill of the moment as he desperately tries, in vain, to stem the UKIP march…these women despite the hype will do nothing for stay at home mothers, they will add to the downfall of the traditional family by encouraging (bribing) high earning career mothers who employ paid people to look after their children.

There is nothing wrong with the traditional home, where the man goes out and does his duty as he see it, a ■■■■ sight better example to youngsters than some of the layabouts that abound even if there’s a male worth a light anywhere to be seen at all.

Its a lovely utopian dream to be the modern parent, always there for your children…fast forward ten years and you’ve not got two happenies to scratch your arse with, what price love when poverty is in the house?

Men are in a no win situation at the moment.

52

Juddian:

OssieD:
I think he was a lot wiser than I was, they have both turned out to be fine young men whom I am very proud of but it was all down to one person that strong woman.

Ossie

Don’t you underestimate your input here Ossie, you performed that most important task, you provided for them doing what you did best, but far more importantly you were the rock solid example that youngsters need, its not just your wife’s input that made them fine young men, they had a father they can respect too.

I’m so sorry your wife died before her time, she sounds a wonderful woman, and i’m sure she was proud of the man in her life too, if you could ask her i’m sure she wouldn’t have changed a thing.

It may be currently unfashionable to be seen as a male provider unless a celebrity/MP/journalist/footballer, but fashion fads are a funny thing, Dave’s currently promoting women into ministerial postions, but these are not nurturing mothers who raise their own children with a mothers tender love, these are career women who fit the bill of the moment as he desperately tries, in vain, to stem the UKIP march…these women despite the hype will do nothing for stay at home mothers, they will add to the downfall of the traditional family by encouraging (bribing) high earning career mothers who employ paid people to look after their children.

There is nothing wrong with the traditional home, where the man goes out and does his duty as he see it, a ■■■■ sight better example to youngsters than some of the layabouts that abound even if there’s a male worth a light anywhere to be seen at all.

Its a lovely utopian dream to be the modern parent, always there for your children…fast forward ten years and you’ve not got two happenies to scratch your arse with, what price love when poverty is in the house?

Men are in a no win situation at the moment.

Juddian, Thanks for that, yes she was a good lady and thankfully my lads stayed away from haulage, both have trades of their own and doing well, which would have made her very happy. Back in the days when I started I think people were more used to being away from family and loved ones for a long time because of conscription which could keep you away months if not years on end so a week up the road would be a luxury the big plus was you could also earn top money if you were prepared to put long hours in. I’ve know a lot of people pay a small fortune to get their licence and get into haulage then expect a 9 to 5 job its never been or will ever be that, there are to many things to go wrong, ie; traffic hold ups, delays at customer, break downs etc, etc meaning you wont get back. I would come into work in the morning hoping I could finish my days work and be back home that evening that was a bonus not an expectation.

53

I think you’re right about our generation,Oz.I did National Service from the age of 19 to 21,these are formative years & what ever you did in that period you did for the rest of your life. I did 3 months Uk then spent the next 21 months living around the Med. Came out of the Army could never settle,went on the road & spent the rest of my life living around the Med.Remember,when I worked in Swiss, my route was mainly Spain ,Portugal & Maroc? I loathed the UK run. Getting away from the subject here,but the point I’m making is things were different for us ,& hardship to make a bob was par for the course.If you didn’t work you didn’t eat.

54

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu’on m’a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m’est bien égal !

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
C’est payé, balayé, oublié
Je me fous du passé !

Avec mes souvenirs
J’ai allumé le feu
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs
Je n’ai plus besoin d’eux !

Balayées les amours
Et tous leurs trémolos
Balayés pour toujours
Je repars à zéro

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu’on m’a fait
Ni le mal; tout ça m’est bien égal !

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Car ma vie, car mes joies
Aujourd’hui, ça commence avec toi

English
Je Ne Regrette Rien

No, nothing of nothing
No! I don’t feel sorry about anything
Not the good things people have done to me
Not the bad things, it’s all the same to me.

No, nothing of nothing
No! I don’t feel sorry about anything
It’s paid for, removed, forgotten,
I’m happy of the past

With my memories
I lit up the fire
My troubles, my pleasures
I don’t need them anymore

Swept away my love stories
And all their tremble
Swept away for always
I start again from zero

Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Ni le mal, tout ça m’est bien égal !

Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Because my life, my joys
Today, they begin with you.

Not so sure about the last bit,Oz? :laughing:

55

Someone told me once that if you don’t scratch, you don’t peck.

56

samstone90:
I think the main problem is we both like spending the money

There you go then. Until you address that then nowt will change, ever. The conversation you want to be having is “if you want to continue to have this lifestyle then I’ll have to continue to do the hours to fund it. If you want me at home more it’ll mean less money so we’ll have to cut back.”

As others have said, £450 is not good money. I was on £630 for 60hrs SIX YEARS AGO and I wasn’t working weekends either. £450 is £23,400 a year or £60 a week/£3,000 a year less than the average wage in the UK for a normal 39hr a week job. £450 a week may sound a lot at 23 years old or if you live surrounded by people on the dole or in minimum wage jobs but in the grand scheme of things it isn’t, especially when you’re having to do 60hrs a week and do Sundays on double bubble to earn it.

57

Just to clarify. He said he takes home £450. That’s £23400 pa nett but to take that home you need to earn £30000 a year gross (on 60 hours - no pension). Uk average wage is £26500 (only 40 hours) pa gross. I agree though, not very much and only earnt because of 60 hours and overtime.

mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/uk … es-3002995

I don’t believe these average figures.

I work away for 3 weeks and come home for 2. It’s very destructive on relationships being away. You come home and aren’t in your groove and are knackered for first 2 days. Before I worked shifts and that was tough. Think the best is shifts rather than being away but doing less hours and if poss take the pay hit. Ditch some of the consumable extras and start enjoying life that doesn’t cost too much like bike rides and walks with the family.

58

I grew up with my Dad working away most of the time, though I spent most of my holidays in the cab with him, in the days when you could take kids away. I can’t remember every feeling as if I missed out on things. I’m just saying that it’s different for every kid. In fairness, my Mum accepted the job for what it was, so maybe I did; that’s absolutely no comment or judgement on the OP’s wife.

However, if she’s finding it tough, then yes it’s time to look for something that fits in with what you both want.

I worked very heavy hours for about 9 years, as in not nights out but barely at home, driving a van and then he worked away all week for about 6 years. As long as we made specific time for each other then it was OK, but we had both come from a haulage background, so maybe that makes a difference.

OssieD, sometimes you get what you deserve in life, I reckon Mrs Ossie would have said she got a good deal.

Juddian, agree, nothing wrong with being a traditional household if that’s what you both want. Personally I always wanted to buy my own handbags and worked to do just that :wink: We aren’t all expecting a life of luxury.

59

Its a difficult situation when your in transport, and when your young with a wife and family, but you must remember that your family must come first, my wife is foreign and was brought up to respect what her husband has to do for a living including being away for long periods ( a bit like service personel ) anyway there are a lot of marriage breakdowns, separations, divorces throughout this industry ( including myself who is on the third wife ( for the past 30 odd years ) My advice is to have a heart to heart before making any rash decisions, explain whats going through your mind, ask whats going through hers, can she manage without a car, or other luxuries, then you can make a decision to change jobs or companies to accommodate you, maybe an agency would fulfill your needs, but some go quiet just after xmas so bear all the facts in mind, you can manage on a lower wage, but this industry demands in most instances a lot from a driver including the dreaded 15 hour day, and often weekend work in the food industry. good luck in your quest for a better life with quality time together. F me, i feel like Dear Deidre :laughing:

60

Well samstone , I presume you are the lot that go into stadco in shrewsbury ?if so may I suggest that you boss gets some drags to go behind your motors :wink: . You could half the number of trips .
Thus meaning you could get home to your family that much earlier each day , or indeed not need to work weekends :stuck_out_tongue: