FFS !!! 
Why don’t you all just rock up to B&Q and buy yourselves a long rope, noose it at one end, neck the other, , tie it to your near side mirror,… and jump off the ■■■■ step !!!. 
Lighten the ■■■■ up.
I thought I was sounding down and depressed, belly aching about the football finishing and the pubs being shut, some of you lot make me look ecstatically happy.
robroy:
FFS !!!
Why don’t you all just rock up to B&Q and buy yourselves a long rope, noose it at one end, neck the other, , tie it to your near side mirror,… and jump off the [zb] step !!!.
Lighten the [zb] up.I thought I was sounding down and depressed, belly aching about the football finishing and the pubs being shut, some of you lot make me look ecstatically happy.
A Northerner? Ecstatically happy? 
I tell you whats eerie…
My missus and I have gone away for a spa weekend in a hotel. Thing is we are the only guests here. Nobody else turned up. We had the pool and gym to ourselfs and the restaurant was strange with just us 2 eating here.
Walking back to the room last night was like being in “The Shining” …I expected an axe to come through the door and a head poking through saying " iiiiiits Johnny!"
Cutting the break short though. I spoke to the hotel manager and he has rebooked us another break free of charge later in the year as he has had to close the pool and gym and bar under government orders.
I’ve only been on days for a few weeks, but the dramatic drop in motorway traffic is rather eerie. Even in places that naturally get congested I’m sailing straight through.
I have noticed a huge drop in accidents though. Normally I get held up by a couple per day but I havent seen one all week.
It’s getting more and more like the Dooms day Film that Bob Hoskins was in
youtube.com/watch?v=-M0fIbx-irk&t=16s
Distinct lack of foreign trucks parking up in groups .Hardly seen any on my travels.
And the local Bentons lads aren’t running about Bob tailing like normal near Hams Hall/Coleshill early doors.
Then again now being fully retired I am not getting out my pit till I feel like it…Getting the new house built doesn’t feel so urgent for some reason either ,Perhaps it’s because I know I won’t get a buyer any time soon!
Went to Wandsworth yesterday. Was weird driving through/round London with hardly any traffic or people about at 8 /9am.
Left wamsdowth at 8 30 am.was back at Trafford park for 2 and that included a 45 min break.
What do find eire though
is driving back up m6 during evening rush hour. or any motorway really its darkish got Sara Cox on the radio. You brain and radio is telling you it’s rush hour yet your having a clear run nothing about.
It does make me think at times
Whats eerie to me, is the crowds of people around the back of my trailer waiting to grab bread, milk, toilet rolls and flour, as I unload cages of food for Tesco express stores.
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My think tank has been assigned with trying to find a solution to supermarket overcrowding as they are forecast as being a primary risk moving forward.
It has to be simple so I’ve come up with ‘Gender Days’:
Basically women can shop on 4 days of week, men on 3 this only affects large supermarket chains not small shops.
This will also solve the issue of panic buying as male days can be used to restock due to a majority of men being hopeless in supermarkets… i.e. came in for milk & bread left with beefburgers and a pair of slippers.
The issue I have is the pretentious and self righteous ‘theys’, people who don’t want to be categorised with a tallywacker or a set of beef curtains.
I have contacted the LGBTXWTF think tank which is always hilarious and although they find it offensive (basically they find everything offensive) a suggestion has been made they have a day of their own.
This was to much so I’ve compromised and they can have the times supermarkets are shut on Mondays.
Alternatively they can look at their genetalia and select the closest male or female category match.
The issue of crossdresser’s and people using a monty python style drag approach to circumvent rules has been raised but to start with the humour opportunity outweighs the risk.
If a problem occurs potential customers will have to display tackle before entry, full inspections maybe required to avoid those trying to hide todger between legs, a party trick of mine.
Anyway sure you think I’m making this stuff up but you heard it here first . 
Dipper_Dave:
My think tank has been assigned with trying to find a solution to supermarket overcrowding as they are forecast as being a primary risk moving forward.It has to be simple so I’ve come up with ‘Gender Days’:
Basically women can shop on 4 days of week, men on 3 this only affects large supermarket chains not small shops.
The issue I have is the pretentious and self righteous ‘theys’, people who don’t want to be categorised with a tallywacker or a set of beef curtains.
I have contacted the LGBTXWTF think tank which is always hilarious and although they find it offensive (basically they find everything offensive) a suggestion has been made they have a day of their own.
This was to much so I’ve compromised and they can have the times supermarkets are shut on Mondays.Alternatively they can look at their genetalia and select the closest male or female category match.
The issue of crossdresser’s and people using a monty python style drag approach to circumvent rules has been raised but to start with the humour opportunity outweighs the risk.If a problem occurs potential customers will have to display tackle before entry, full inspections maybe required to avoid those trying to hide todger between legs, a party trick of mine.
Anyway sure you think I’m making this stuff up but you heard it here first .
I don’t know where you’ve been hiding Dave but I’m glad you’re back , about time someone injected some lightness and humour into the gloom and doom going round . I, like you, meet adversity with humour , we’re only on this earth once , so why spend precious time fearing what might happen . We are , or should be on a war footing with this virus but that means try to stick to the rules , not cower in fear of the enemy . If I have to die from it will be with a smile in my heart .
Thanks but it’s not Covid we have to worry about its the fleet of imperial stormtroopers hovering round Uranus that gives me the Willie’s.
Yep we are being watched our only defence is our shiny clean arissoles.
Dipper_Dave:
My think tank has been assigned with trying to find a solution to supermarket overcrowding as they are forecast as being a primary risk moving forward.It has to be simple so I’ve come up with ‘Gender Days’:
Basically women can shop on 4 days of week, men on 3 this only affects large supermarket chains not small shops.
This will also solve the issue of panic buying as male days can be used to restock due to a majority of men being hopeless in supermarkets… i.e. came in for milk & bread left with beefburgers and a pair of slippers.The issue I have is the pretentious and self righteous ‘theys’, people who don’t want to be categorised with a tallywacker or a set of beef curtains.
I have contacted the LGBTXWTF think tank which is always hilarious and although they find it offensive (basically they find everything offensive) a suggestion has been made they have a day of their own.
This was to much so I’ve compromised and they can have the times supermarkets are shut on Mondays.Alternatively they can look at their genetalia and select the closest male or female category match.
The issue of crossdresser’s and people using a monty python style drag approach to circumvent rules has been raised but to start with the humour opportunity outweighs the risk.
If a problem occurs potential customers will have to display tackle before entry, full inspections maybe required to avoid those trying to hide todger between legs, a party trick of mine.
Anyway sure you think I’m making this stuff up but you heard it here first .
Well said that man [emoji106]
Personally I believe all media except radio should be silenced, and if TV is to be on only the absolute necessary of ’ doomsday’ broadcasts should be made, once a day an that’s it.
I also believe GENUINELY token books should be issued, and those who need to be kept ok are first at the door, so our seniors and most vulnerable/necessary folk first, and for all stores to issue ALL and any spare/wasted supplies to the homeless as we’re not hearing a word with regards to them!!
Family like mine are all more than able to run on the absolute basics, and do anyway thanks to no work for me, but so long as there’s water in the tap, bog roll, and some basic carbs to chew on, beans, bread, soup then to me that’s a blessing and all we need/have got to get through.
We won’t be visiting as always any store unless absolutely necessary,
local farm shops for tats/fruit an your be fine.
We’ve also used the time off to get my youngest out of nappies, big saving, plus less for the bin men or to stash should they have to parked for a bit…
Just wish I could find a job an be useful but alas not yet it seems.
As a nation we have to laugh through this, an get the grit out, sadly as always its the MONEY that’s driving fear, let’s pray everyone can hang on mentally and gov will honour their word an keep us uncertain of income/renting folks able to survive till it blows over an we get the cogs turning, but this time with a view to going back to a more sustainable economy where we fix ■■■■ for example!!
Thus Creating jobs an not relying on cheap imports, perfect excuse to me to put the great back in Britain with self sufficiency.
Plus side, sun’s out, sky larks are out, although it’s a touch breezy but that’s a blessing as Windows are open, air the house out, kill them germs an change the air [emoji108]
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Getting from Cardiff to Middlesbrough in 5hrs 35 minutes on a Friday afternoon, now that was strange
KaneOnWheels:
This is nothing compared to whats to come. Businesses could well be on lock down till the end of the year. The economy is rapidly heading towards complete collaspse, likely much worse than any depression let alone recession we have ever seen in modern times. Today the markets held abit of ground but the trend is worse than anything seen before.Even if a vaccine is deployed tomorrow the damage will still be significant but a safe vaccine anytime this year is a slim hope. Humanity has survived pandemics before. So we will get through it but society isnt gonna bounce back anytime soon likely for many years. The great plague took out 70% of all human life…oh and guess where that started yep china and eerie enough it first entered europe in… yep Italy lol
Whats really scaring governments around the world IS this virus has already mutated once and has 2 active strains. One more deadly than the other. It would only take 1 mutation for a more deadly strain to adapt to human hosts and this could very well send us back to the dark ages.
This is being compared in economic terms to WW2 . It took Great Britain until 31/12/2006 to pay off the last of its war debts
Anyway the way people were looking at him was horrendous. Like he was carrying a pathogenic bomb. That’s what I’ve noticed, everyone seems to look at others differently. quote toonsy…
well you will take him out in his stobby spotter uniform, what do you expect…
I don’t know where you’ve been hiding Dave but I’m glad you’re back , about time someone injected some lightness and humour into the gloom and doom going round . I, like you, meet adversity with humour , we’re only on this earth once , so why spend precious time fearing what might happen . We are , or should be on a war footing with this virus but that means try to stick to the rules , not cower in fear of the enemy . If I have to die from it will be with a smile in my heart .
Great post, it’s a pity more do not see it your way. 
Dipper_Dave:
Thanks but it’s not Covid we have to worry about its the fleet of imperial stormtroopers hovering round Uranus that gives me the Willie’s.Yep we are being watched our only defence is our shiny clean arissoles.
By the time muck becomes brass - our air souls will have healed up, and we’ll still be skint…
On a mooch tonight getting the wife from work, all I can say is Long may this silence continue.
Streets are quiet, clean an peaceful.
The air is 10x better, huge reduction in rat boys out an about ragging their ■■■■ boxes, the bat’s are flitting about in clear skies and light pollution is a memory.
No hordes of dubious sources hanging around the cash machines, street corners and visible police presence too which is refreshing and must be a welcome relief for the front line services who spend their nights clearing the clowns up if nothing else.
Still one or two zombies about though, had a woman just walk straight across road without so much as a look, good job I see her or she’d be roadkill at 60ffs.
it’s like their brains have literally turned off an now they are living like the silence will be here forever, no boundaries just walk [emoji849][emoji23]
Bloody lovely to be honest [emoji16]
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robroy:
The-Snowman:
KaneOnWheels:
This is nothing compared to whats to come. Businesses could well be on lock down till the end of the year. The economy is rapidly heading towards complete collaspse, likely much worse than any depression let alone recession we have ever seen in modern times. Today the markets held abit of ground but the trend is worse than anything seen before.Even if a vaccine is deployed tomorrow the damage will still be significant but a safe vaccine anytime this year is a slim hope. Humanity has survived pandemics before. So we will get through it but society isnt gonna bounce back anytime soon likely for many years. The great plague took out 70% of all human life…oh and guess where that started yep china and eerie enough it first entered europe in… yep Italy lol
Whats really scaring governments around the world IS this virus has already mutated once and has 2 active strains. One more deadly than the other. It would only take 1 mutation for a more deadly strain to adapt to human hosts and this could very well send us back to the dark ages.
Well youre a ray of sunshine arent you?
He ain’t the sort of guy you’d would want visiting you in hospital…
If he was coming to visit you’d be praying for covid, swine flu or red parrot disease to take you before visiting hours!
cav551:
This is being compared in economic terms to WW2 . It took Great Britain until 31/12/2006 to pay off the last of its war debts
Yeah but that was before Ocean Finance. I reckon we could consolidate our debt into one, easy to manage payment and sort it out easily this time