Poor old Wazzer pulled a Bird ( who was legless apparently) trying to get her back to her pad for a bit of the 'uver ! so he would have had half a "bar"on when the Plod pulled him,Oh! what a ■■■■■■ Wazzer ! 
Bewick. 
PS The Sun will be offering a small fortune for the Birds name !
Bewick:
Poor old Wazzer pulled a Bird ( who was legless apparently) trying to get her back to her pad for a bit of the 'uver ! so he would have had half a "bar"on when the Plod pulled him,Oh! what a ■■■■■■ Wazzer !
Call em up and offer any old name you like mate! The Sun aint too fussy about mere things like “facts” or “truth” now is it ?
bit late…todays scum had front page excusive about his 10 hour bender and driving a legless 29 year old home in her old beetle…plus 4 page special inside giving all the gory details including the fact his pregnant wife is flying back to find out what hes been up to…
oh her name is laura simpson
Well, seeing as his semi-retirement move back to Everton has indicated that his career, and earning potential, are now behind him, this may be just the opportunity Colleen has been waiting for…
Bewick:
Poor old Wazzer pulled a Bird ( who was legless apparently) trying to get her back to her pad for a bit of the 'uver ! so he would have had half a "bar"on when the Plod pulled him,Oh! what a ■■■■■■ Wazzer !
If I’ve read it right the story in today’s papers is that he’s decided to drive her car when he knows he’s over the limit.Not to mention the questions over the suitability of his eyesight for driving even when he’s sober going by the photos of the ‘bird’ in question as opposed to what he’s already got. 
