You all forget one ,but very important-How crazy near or all Eastern Europian drivers.How bad condition have Rumanian truck.
Brilliant original post; cracked me up.
Here is one my mate uses instead of the driver’s name: “Nah, I’ve done Moscow. How hard can it be?”
Own Account Driver:
All that driving without … having an amber ABS warning light.
I have just left school and passed the cycle proficiency road test, the examiner suggested i would make a good lorry driver, by the way I handled my Raleigh bicycle.
What are Abc ltd like to work for with pay and conditions ?
I heard Richard and Lorraine Long are ace to work for ?
I am thinking of buying a few lorries, my mate at school as some work he found on the Tinterwebby thingy.
Which is the best Scania or Volvo ?
Where can I buy tee shirts with egg stains on ?
Where do I buy Tartan cab curtains, or Indian take away curtains with tassles and pelmets, I want to feminise my cab and look like a dork with low iq, to use my phone while driving.
Which is the best way Kabul, do I go via Russia. ?
What to wear for an interview
What is POA should I use it
New hear just wanted to let everyone not to use a broker
I have a driving assessment at x company on Monday. Any tips on what to do?
Or the occasional one hit wonder threads: " Im looking for my dad etc ".
These turn this forum into a ghost town for a few days… 
Sleeping bag v quilt. What’s a tog?
What kind of work boots should I buy, my mate said buy carpet slippers, will these be ok on a building site ?
What does this button do ?
What is this switch for ?
It has a picture of an ejector seat, what happens if I push it, will I be propelled out of my sunroof ?
There is a bottle in my cab marked with a skull and cross bones, shall I drink it ?
Can I do a U turn on the motorway if I miss the exit by going through the central barrier, if it is dark, nobody will notice, and that Angus Nairn fella will be asleep.
Shall I buy a smoking jacket for nights out, I like to smoke my pipe,my mates call me Sherlock the lights are on but nobody is at Holmes.
Dipper_Dave:
Or the occasional one hit wonder threads: " Im looking for my dad etc ".
These turn this forum into a ghost town for a few days…
Ha ha I have visions of some old trucker counting the years on his fingers. Panicking that he was weekended in Pontefract 17 years ago.
Can I plug my microwave into the 12 socket?
Excellent ! 
Where does “If I hold this line,that prick in the audi will be in the cones” fit?
happysack:
I want to be a trucker
Recommend a driving school
What is wtd
What is dcpc
What is POA
I failed
I don’t get the gears
Passed class 2
Failed artic
How do I reverse
I dint get the gears
Passed. Hooray I’m a trucker.
Can’t find a job
Recommend an agency
How much do stobarts pay
2 years now still no job
Been offered 2 jobs!
Which job should I choose? Decent money, old kit. Crap money, V8.
Got a job.
Here’s a pic of my V8
Where do I buy pelmets
Which satnav.
What do I need for tramping
Duvet or sleeping bag?
What do you eat?
What do I need for tramping?
Which satnav
I don’t need maps
Finished my first week. It was mega.
I’m a driving god
I’ve only had 25 hours off this weekend. Is this legal?
My boss told me I had to get there. I can’t, I’m tired.
Where do I stick the magnet
First pay packet. I seem to be on less than minimum wage.
I shall now tell you all about my days in the army.
I shall now tell you about Eaton twin splitters
I shall read Wikipedia and spout nonsense telling you all its law
Where do I get a fancy light board for the back wall
I’m in debt
I’ve got new peek a boo curtains
Been stopped by vosa. Got a fine.
I shall now tell you all about vosa, police and pink chalk.
How do I get up Scotch?
I did Preston to Dumfries in a single hit. What’s the furthest you’ve driven.
A wagon overtook me on the A75. I was terrified.
I hate my job. Wages are crap. Hours are too long. I’m treated like a second class citizen.
I’ve been on the A75 twice. Once to Dumfries, once to Annan. Am I now a tang.
Had enough of this driving [zb]. I’m going to tesco. I’ll get more stacking shelves.
world class… 
you could also add…im heading to Dublin,do i need my passport,and ,I cabbed it on the stena and peed into a bottle,wheres the best place to empty it?..
A proper driver sleeps on a six foot long wooden plank in a day cab with no night heater.
All that and master the Erf Eaton twin splitter gearbox.
What is a sat nav, I use four thousand A to Z maps and need a trailer to store them all.
How much will I make as an owner driver, which truck shall I buy ?
Ive just spent my very last penny and raided the kids piggybank to get my class 1,ive been offered a class 2 job doing max hrs and 5 nights out a week for £400 ,is this ok as a stopgap to get experiance .
I passed a white Renault premium pulling a ■■■■■■ transport trailer. Was it you luke?
happysack:
I want to be a trucker
Recommend a driving school
What is wtd
What is dcpc
What is POA
I failed
I don’t get the gears
Passed class 2
Failed artic
How do I reverse
I dint get the gears
Passed. Hooray I’m a trucker.
Can’t find a job
Recommend an agency
How much do stobarts pay
2 years now still no job
Been offered 2 jobs!
Which job should I choose? Decent money, old kit. Crap money, V8.
Got a job.
Here’s a pic of my V8
Where do I buy pelmets
Which satnav.
What do I need for tramping
Duvet or sleeping bag?
What do you eat?
What do I need for tramping?
Which satnav
I don’t need maps
Finished my first week. It was mega.
I’m a driving god
I’ve only had 25 hours off this weekend. Is this legal?
My boss told me I had to get there. I can’t, I’m tired.
Where do I stick the magnet
First pay packet. I seem to be on less than minimum wage.
I shall now tell you all about my days in the army.
I shall now tell you about Eaton twin splitters
I shall read Wikipedia and spout nonsense telling you all its law
Where do I get a fancy light board for the back wall
I’m in debt
I’ve got new peek a boo curtains
Been stopped by vosa. Got a fine.
I shall now tell you all about vosa, police and pink chalk.
How do I get up Scotch?
I did Preston to Dumfries in a single hit. What’s the furthest you’ve driven.
A wagon overtook me on the A75. I was terrified.
I hate my job. Wages are crap. Hours are too long. I’m treated like a second class citizen.
I’ve been on the A75 twice. Once to Dumfries, once to Annan. Am I now a tang.
Had enough of this driving [zb]. I’m going to tesco. I’ll get more stacking shelves.
Brilliant [emoji106]
Luke is not in to vaginas.
A couple of updates.
New job start tomorrow. Yay.
Any one know where kronospan is?
Do I Need to strap chip board?
Car driver waved me down and told me I’d lost my load. …Yeah right mate!
Day from hell. Got lost heading to Liverpool. Pulled by police. Someone nicked half my chip board.
I’ve been sacked!
Will I goto jail for being thick?