Limpets/Limpers

Certainly if that was the case I’d personally be taking a long honest look at myself to see what I was doing wrong. Given in another thread you seemingly need to use a spell checker to spell simple words and can’t grasp the correct use of their, they’re and there I would hazard a guess that you couldn’t get a full time job because your application forms were like the illiterate ■■■■■■■■ you post on here and looked like someone who hadn’t gone to school had filled them in so your form went straight in the bin.
[/quote]
You’re not on more money Conor. Have you tried an abacus?

People having to use fingers to count drawn by a slightly inflated hourly rate into self employed liability.[/quote

mabey he cant afford the batteries for the normal ones,and prefers the more eco friendly type of calculator to do his sums on?

chester:
I tip my hat to agency drivers, they leave the employed drivers big boots to fill

I wonder if theres an opening for a agency haggis shooter somewhere once the season starts…they look ideal for running round the sides of the mountains :smiley:

eagerbeaver:
…" we are the Jacks of all trades ".

One of this years best lines so far.

Nearly as good as the one about agency driving being a skilled occupation. The mind boggles. I didn’t know that months of training was required to sit next to the phone waiting for it to ring.

James the cat:
You’re not on more money Conor. Have you tried an abacus?

People having to use fingers to count drawn by a slightly inflated hourly rate into self employed liability.

Other than Howdens where I’m at I have been paid an hourly rate more than the employed drivers at every other client I’ve worked at no matter what the agency since the early 1990s. When I did agency at Reed Boardall my basic rate was their overtime rate and that was on PAYE.

As for your comment about slightly inflated hourly rate because of being self employed I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PAYE ON AGENCY. I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER WORKED SELF EMPLOYED, LIMITED COMPANY OR UMBRELLA COMPANY ON AGENCY. Put that in big so you got the point.

When we’re eventually forced into sitting on self employment counting our receipts and idly mulling over the latest HMRC letter demanding a return whilst waiting for the phone to ring, excuse me if I don’t buy the lifer limpers a pint. I probably won’t be able to afford it.

Why do you automatically assume all agency drivers are self employed? Loads of us aren’t.

Conor:

James the cat:
You’re not on more money Conor. Have you tried an abacus?

People having to use fingers to count drawn by a slightly inflated hourly rate into self employed liability.

Other than Howdens where I’m at I have been paid an hourly rate more than the employed drivers at every other client I’ve worked at no matter what the agency since the early 1990s. When I did agency at Reed Boardall my basic rate was their overtime rate and that was on PAYE.

As for your comment about slightly inflated hourly rate because of being self employed I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PAYE ON AGENCY. I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER WORKED SELF EMPLOYED, LIMITED COMPANY OR UMBRELLA COMPANY ON AGENCY. Put that in big so you got the point.

When we’re eventually forced into sitting on self employment counting our receipts and idly mulling over the latest HMRC letter demanding a return whilst waiting for the phone to ring, excuse me if I don’t buy the lifer limpers a pint. I probably won’t be able to afford it.

Why do you automatically assume all agency drivers are self employed? Loads of us aren’t.

You’ve been at Howdens for quite a while now so why aren’t you on parity pay with the Agency Worker Regulations?

On my first day in basic training in the army,when my bottom lip was well and truly quivering :cry: ,I heard the never to be forgotten words
“IF YOU CAN’T TAKE A JOKE…YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE JOINED !!!”
Should apply to this forum as well I reckon :wink:

Baggie:
On my first day in basic training in the army,when my bottom lip was well and truly quivering :cry: ,I heard the never to be forgotten words
“IF YOU CAN’T TAKE A JOKE…YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE JOINED !!!”
Should apply to this forum as well I reckon :wink:

Amen brother.

I know a lot of agency drivers who are just run of the mill driver type guys, so I don’t think some of the precious and delicate easily offended wallflowers on here are a true representation of agency drivers in general, or any I have met.

Jeeez some of you have me in tears, :unamused: …ffs!

It’s a man’s world is transport, get yourselves a counselling course booked and you can all sit around holding hands in a circle chanting.about ‘‘the hurtful names those horrible nasty full timers call us’’

Thankfully some of the agency lads on here are more down to earth, there’s Conor who just takes all the stick he gets on the chin and gives as good back as he gets, and my old mate Evil8b who refers to himself as nothing else but a limper…it’s called a Sense of humour…google it. :bulb:

And to the guys trying to paint an over exaggerated account of the perfect world of being an agency driver, it just smacks a bit of insecurity and trying to convince themselves rather than the rest of us that they are in Transport Paradise. so you aint convincing anybody, agency can be just as crap as full time.

As for me I prefer being a full timer. I’ve absolutely nothing against agency drivers, my best mate is one (and for the record he is ■■■■ ed about big style as a matter of routine)
Now as for agencies themselves, I hate the ■■■■ s and everything they stand for, but drivers are drivers in my book, whatever employment method or nationality.

So message to the o/p would be.
FFS…LIGHTEN UP. :unamused:

If it makes you feel better make up a nickname for full timers, I am sure none of us will give a flying ■■■■. :bulb:

toby1234abc:
As a full time employed driver, you can pretend to be a limper while sat in the Rdc waiting room , it is very simple, put a big stone in one shoe.
Super Glue a Blue Tooth phone in one ear to make out you have gone mad by talking to yourself .
On a serious note, I see a lot of drivers which look like they have a serious accident and injuries .
A few that when they walk, it looks like one side of the hip is missing or had a major operation on the lower back or legs.
I feel bad to ask what happened in case it brings back memories of wrecking somebody else’s truck .

when these headsets first came out,i was standing in our yard and some bloke was walking towards me talking out loud,i thought straight away Christ a bloody nutter why do they allways walk towards me,i walked into the drivers reception and he followed,i was just about to tell him to go forth and multiply when I noticed the head set,gave him a good laugh when I explained that I thought he was a nutter and I thought he was talking to himself

Will have to pop down Boots of the morrow and get a few bales of cotton wool to make the seat of me lorry nice a fluffy wuffy, in case a precious professional agency driver with a sense of humour by-pass happens to have to use my old banger after me and gets a sore botty.

Since when did what were once upon a time hairy arsed lorry drivers who could take the knocks and come back for more start believing their own new gender ambiguous personal propaganda.

Actually is this a 30 something fad this being so bloody perfect, so many of the 30 somethings i know take themselves seriously to a level of unbelievable boredom, no sense of humour at all, any joke cracked must be analysed for political correctness, no independent thoughts so no opinion on anything from their own mind or heart, offence taken for any of the myriad of (usually hostile to others) minority groups that already have too high an opinion of themselves anyway.
Grauniad readers and BBC/Sky/Chanel No4 viewers i suspect in the main… :smiling_imp: :wink:

If it makes you feel better make up a nickname for full timers, I am sure none of us will give a flying [zb]. :bulb:
[/quote]
how about…“professional drivers”…thats what plod and the judge calls us when were about to get crucified for something.
and we could all have our own special badge that you can only get when you can show you have a real job,or have it tattooed somewhere special like when we were in the firm…has to be better than that miging stobart unit on someones arm.:smiley:

There are some comical comments on this subject, especially from the anti agency boys who (in some cases) just couldn’t cope with the alternative lifestyle choice.

Just out of curiosity, I am now only able to work Saturday and Sunday every week plus the occasional week here and there throughout the year. Anybody know of a full time job in Central Scotland that would suit my rather dramatic change of circumstances?

I suspect that I will have to continue being a threat to full time jobs

Perhaps some kind of football referee / vicar hybrid?

Kerragy:
Perhaps some kind of football referee / vicar hybrid?

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:
what is there to alternatively handle with having no job,waiting to see if an agency will call you and throw you a few shifts…on the off chance that you might actually get in to take them without them cancelling when your almost at the gates?

Shortly after I left the Army, I went onto Agency to get the lowdown on how Civpop worked (or didn’t in some cases).
I used to adjust the mirror, seat and the steering wheel positions, the radio would also be pre-set to 24 channels of Punjab Radio and if I wasn’t hungry at the time, I’d take the free biscuits home to enjoy later…even in non-allocated vehicles. :sunglasses:

My limp’s since been cured so woe-betide anybody who does it to me! 2-faced-smiley :smiling_imp:

P.S. Off topic slightly, is it the norm to be given a disciplinary for calling somebody a ■■■■■■? :grimacing:

nsmith1180:

James the cat:

nsmith1180:

James the cat:
All this wanting to work hours you want any old time, self employed business is corrosive to working conditions in the longer term. Short sighted. I don’t have a great opinion of long term “lifestyle” limpers.

Why don’t you have a great opinion of those of us who don’t tie into the company line just for a quiet and easy life? Why are we the subject of your scorn because we are willing to take the more difficult route to achieve the work/life balance we want?

I explained why in my first sentence. Your misguided interpretation of not towing the company line is undermining the long term survival of working conditions.

We have employment laws, for years terms and conditions have been argued over, we can still obtain employer pensions (under attack), we still have paid holiday in this country. Yet some people see fit to bypass all this for their short term gain using IR35 dodging self employment, umbrella schemes and various other dubious methods of hiding what should be employment.

When we’re eventually forced into sitting on self employment counting our receipts and idly mulling over the latest HMRC letter demanding a return whilst waiting for the phone to ring, excuse me if I don’t buy the lifer limpers a pint. I probably won’t be able to afford it.

So let me get this straight. Somehow, by not competing with you for your nice secure job, I am making your job less secure? Perhaps I should go back into full time and show you up for what you are, you are the paid worker version of benefits street! In your arguments so far you have cited the way I put at risk your company pension and your 5.6 weeks Annual Leave. You have accused me, falsely I might add, of tax evasion.

You have shown that the only drive you possess comes from the beating heart of whatever fleet spec FM, R460, Premium or CF75 your loving boss deems happy to inflict on you. As for your claim that employer pensions are under attack, you are wrong. More people are being provided with employer pensions now because of auto-enrollment and if the defined benefit pensions are dying out, that is only because they are unsustainable. More people are now living longer which means that the money saved away to pay for pensions has to go further and it cant, thats why your cushy company pension is erroding, not because I have ambition.

On to the tax thing. If I had done 48 hours a week, (full time contract) for 48 weeks last year at £10 per hour on a full time contract I would have paid £2,779 in combined tax and NI payments. Instead I created £9k of VAT, which under the flat rate scheme I was required to pay £4.5k to the exchequer. I didn’t pay income tax last year because my earnings didn’t reach the threshold required. I didn’t need the money so I left it in the business. Because of asset purchases last year the government gave the company Corporation Tax relief which equaled the amount of tax owed.

Had I not had plans to buy assets in the future, to build a business and in time, give someone, almost like you but with a better attitude a full time job, then I would have taken a dividend, payed tax on that and contributed yet more to the exchequer than you could even hope of doing.

SEDriver - Thanks for the support but I don’t think your argument is going to carry much weight with this idiot. All he seems to care about is the fact that our choices put in jeopardy his god given right to ground rabbit droppings, disguised as coffee for 20p a cup.

How do you think I am worker the paid version of benefits street? So all the full timers on here working for a company with decent terms and conditions they’d like to protect are the paid version of benefits street? Odd statement.

By the way Einstein, auto enrollement is not hand in glove with pension quality. A million people enrolled on 2 percent contribution is not the same argument as voluntary decent company contributions that ARE under attack due to dubious “off shoring” via agency, this applies to a multitude of industries. Abacus for you too perhaps?

Tongue firmly in cheek and devils advocate rolled firmly out. I just love winding you limpets up so much as you’re always so entitled yet defensive. Limp on and dry your eyes :laughing: .

Ps, ask contra about the pear core…

nsmith1180:

James the cat:

nsmith1180:

James the cat:
All this wanting to work hours you want any old time, self employed business is corrosive to working conditions in the longer term. Short sighted. I don’t have a great opinion of long term “lifestyle” limpers.

Why don’t you have a great opinion of those of us who don’t tie into the company line just for a quiet and easy life? Why are we the subject of your scorn because we are willing to take the more difficult route to achieve the work/life balance we want?

I explained why in my first sentence. Your misguided interpretation of not towing the company line is undermining the long term survival of working conditions.

We have employment laws, for years terms and conditions have been argued over, we can still obtain employer pensions (under attack), we still have paid holiday in this country. Yet some people see fit to bypass all this for their short term gain using IR35 dodging self employment, umbrella schemes and various other dubious methods of hiding what should be employment.

When we’re eventually forced into sitting on self employment counting our receipts and idly mulling over the latest HMRC letter demanding a return whilst waiting for the phone to ring, excuse me if I don’t buy the lifer limpers a pint. I probably won’t be able to afford it.

So let me get this straight. Somehow, by not competing with you for your nice secure job, I am making your job less secure? Perhaps I should go back into full time and show you up for what you are, you are the paid worker version of benefits street! In your arguments so far you have cited the way I put at risk your company pension and your 5.6 weeks Annual Leave. You have accused me, falsely I might add, of tax evasion.

You have shown that the only drive you possess comes from the beating heart of whatever fleet spec FM, R460, Premium or CF75 your loving boss deems happy to inflict on you. As for your claim that employer pensions are under attack, you are wrong. More people are being provided with employer pensions now because of auto-enrollment and if the defined benefit pensions are dying out, that is only because they are unsustainable. More people are now living longer which means that the money saved away to pay for pensions has to go further and it cant, thats why your cushy company pension is erroding, not because I have ambition.

On to the tax thing. If I had done 48 hours a week, (full time contract) for 48 weeks last year at £10 per hour on a full time contract I would have paid £2,779 in combined tax and NI payments. Instead I created £9k of VAT, which under the flat rate scheme I was required to pay £4.5k to the exchequer. I didn’t pay income tax last year because my earnings didn’t reach the threshold required. I didn’t need the money so I left it in the business. Because of asset purchases last year the government gave the company Corporation Tax relief which equaled the amount of tax owed.

Had I not had plans to buy assets in the future, to build a business and in time, give someone, almost like you but with a better attitude a full time job, then I would have taken a dividend, payed tax on that and contributed yet more to the exchequer than you could even hope of doing.

SEDriver - Thanks for the support but I don’t think your argument is going to carry much weight with this idiot. All he seems to care about is the fact that our choices put in jeopardy his god given right to ground rabbit droppings, disguised as coffee for 20p a cup.

I’ve read this thread and I’ve got to say, ignoring the teasing there are salient points. If you think you can dine out on enjoying this situation until you retire I think you’re in for a bit of a surprise. I work in aviation. We have agency on steroids in this industry.

Think of it as the haulage sector in ten years. Aviation was always a place with pretty decent pay and conditions relatively. Similar if not a lot higher in a lot of cases than medicine. Ahh ha, what a drop in the last ten years. We now have a UK based airline that has crews solely working through an agency filing tax returns. It’s called Norweigian Long haul. Completely legal and known to the UK government. Crews busy, offsetting expenses, filing returns. They have bare employment rights, poor pay, sorry, gross figures, rubbish leave and the rest is a mess. Years ago working agency as an airline pilot meant working overseas for Korean. It was a stop gap, lucrative, tax returned as you worked overseas and viable financially for the short term because no one really wanted to do it, then it arrived here with Ryanair. Now it’s rife. And you never hear a UK pilot now say he has better terms and pay working via third party agency. It’s decried in the UK.

And the hay making agency workers of old find they’re surrounded by everyone else and the mobile terms have descended to match the mobile status they work under. Be careful what you triumph as being good and be careful with what you wish for.

By the way I think you’re far too sensitive, we call each other far worse in flying. Lorry drivers normally had a sense of humour when I did it? I started agency 15 years ago to get a start and got a ribbing but laughed it off. A sort of right of passage, what happened?? Everyone is so serious these days :confused:

Agency pilots , if he or she had a limp, due to one leg being shorter than the other , surely a routine flight to JFK would end up in the Ascension Islands ?
Due to steering too much in one direction , depending which leg was shorter, the other leg , then the aircraft would end up in the North Pole .

yorkielee:
I was on agency as I couldn’t get a full time job with a real wage working regular hours. Now finally I have n hopefully the agencies will all get closed down and abolish 0 hours contracts.

Hypocritical statement: It was okay for you to use an agency until you got a full time job but now you have one all agencies should be closed down so no-one else can follow the same path.

Stanley Knife:

yorkielee:
I was on agency as I couldn’t get a full time job with a real wage working regular hours. Now finally I have n hopefully the agencies will all get closed down and abolish 0 hours contracts.

Hypocritical statement: It was okay for you to use an agency until you got a full time job but now you have one all agencies should be closed down so no-one else can follow the same path.

I don’t think he’s being hypocritical as such, i read is as he doesn’t want others to have to follow that course with no alternative other than being taken the ■■■■ out of by unscrupulous sharks in the world of agencies…which is after all what they nearly all do to poor sods who have no other options.

Its bad enough being taken the ■■■■ out of by unscrupulous employers without some wide boy middle man taking his cut and a bit more ■■■■ on top, its like a bloody great pyramid ponzi scheme.