URGENT - FOLKESTONE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
At 08:19a.m. on Saturday 28th April an earthquake measuring 4.3 on the
Richter scale hit Folkestone, Kent, causing untold disruption and distress.
Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering “faaackin 'ell”.
Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Several priceless
collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were
disturbed. Thousands were confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms
with the fact that something interesting has happened in Folkestone.
One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17-year-old mother-of-three said “It was
such a shock, little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. My
punter got dressed and left. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha
the next morning.”
According to police, however, looting, mugging and joyriding did carry on as
normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are
still sifting through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, including benefit books, heroin and jewellery from Elizabeth
Duke at Argos.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items most needed include:
– Fila or Burberry baseball caps
– Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
– Shell suits (female)
– White sport socks
– Rockport boots
– Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
– Microwave meals
– Tins of baked beans
– Ice cream
– Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.
Breaking news*
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - “Where are
you bleeding from?” they asked - “Park Farm Road” said the girl, “woss that
got to do wiv it?”
PLEASE ACT NOW - Collection points are available at your local branches of
Netto, Iceland and Clinton Cards.
