edited as these “jokes” are starting to break the rules
mrs mix
Site Admin
trucker
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and
knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she
says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of
your load.”
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the
street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up and
knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi,
my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load!”
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
continues down the street. At the third red light, the
same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde
gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, “Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”
When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and
races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it. He
says…
“Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s winter in Minnesota, and
I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!” 
I’ve heard that one somewhere before though.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won’t do what she’s told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don’t like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s ■■■ drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, “I haven’t eaten anything for days.” She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”
Young Son: “Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
a guy goes into his neighbours house, the neighbours dog has got a set of headphones on. the guy says whats the dog doing with them on 
the neighbour says he’s listening to the football.next thing the dog is on his back legs with his tongue out,the guy says what’s your dog doing now he replys henrick larsson has scored,yeah right the guy says,how can a dog tell when a goal has been scored. so the neighbour puts the text on tv, he says there you go 1-0 to celtic larsson scored.10mins later the dog starts to chase his tail,the guy says whats he doing now the neighbour says sutton has scored, same again put the text on and sutton had scored 2-0 to celtic.the guy says that’s amazing, what does he do when rangers score the neighbour says i don’t know i’v only had the dog for 2years.
how is it that the majority of the jokes are from KitKat■■?
are the rest of us not capable of telling one■■?
like me 
keep up the GOOD work KitKat by amusing us all 
Little Jimmy talking to mummy
“Mummy, is God a man or a woman?”
“God is both a man and a woman”
“Mummy, is God black or white?”
“God is both black and white”
“Mummy, is God a grown up or a child?”
“God is both a grown up and a child”
Mummy, is Michael Jackson God?"
pmsl
this wee chinaman phones in sick to work one day,the boss says do you know what i do when i’m not well,he says what do you do boss? the boss says i normally have ■■■ with my wife that makes me feel alot better.the next day the chinaman goes into work,the boss says your better now, yes boss i took your advise and i’d just like to say that you have a very nice bedroom.
While having dinner at Buckingham Palace, George Bush turns round
to the Queen and says: “As I’m the President, I’m thinking of
changing how the country is referred to, and I’m thinking that it
should be a Kingdom”. The Queen replies “I’m sorry Mr Bush, but to
be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you’re not a
King.”
George Bush thought a while and then said: “How about a
Principality then?”, to which the Queen replied “Again, to be a
Principality you have to be a Prince - and you’re not a Prince, Mr
Bush”.
Bush thought long and hard and came up with “How about an Empire
then?” The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replies “Sorry
again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in
charge - and you are not an Emperor.”
Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: “I
think you’re doing quite nicely as a Country”.
very good hollywood pmsl
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to
a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen
Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to
arranged a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly…he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better idea,” she replies. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”
“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he exclaims.
“Good,” she replies. “Get your own ■■■■ blanket!”
After a moment of silence, he ■■■■■■.
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”