Haha-top marks Maoster!!
the maoster:
Severely injured my dignity in our yard the other week. Some contractors were working and had laid a line of motorway sized traffic cones out, I parked alongside them and climbed out of the cab using the three points of contact malarky when suddenly there was four points of contact! I’d lowered my starfish onto the top of the cone! I flailed about for what seemed ages (but could only have been a second or so) before toppling gracelessly backwards off of the cone. I had £5 underpants on with about £4.50’s worth shoved right up the poop shute. I quickly picked myself up and looked around (as you do) to make sure nobody had seen, but unfortunately two of the contractors were howling with laughter at me. Hey ho, I’ll never meet them again I suppose.
This thread could reach 5 pages and I dont think it’ll get much better than this! I think we have a winner
You two ^^^ may laugh at my discomfort, but I tell you I thought I was being violated by Nelly the bloody Elephant for a minute! 
Near Spalding with a curtainsider at busy place loading boxed spuds think it was. They asked me to swap sides. I was in way of other lorries and had done one side and needed to switch around. Pouring down rain. Was tensioning ratchet when it failed. The spring clip protruded slightly through outside of the strap mechanism and was roughly cut during manufacture. When it failed the mechanism sprang and my gloved hand slipped and the spring clip tore open my bare forearm. I was covered in oil and dirt and didn’t notice. Got into truck to turn around and noticed blood everywhere. Despite being sure I could see bits inside I wasn’t meant to see, I was tramping out so just wrapped it up with a bit of t shirt then bought plasters to close it over. Yes it became Infected was pretty gross . Silly me. Nice ragged looking scar now.
HAIRYGORILLA:
I injured myself when driving class2 after pulling forward from the bay climbed up grabbed the shutter door ,oops it came down pretty quick ,I fell off the back knocked myself out ,when I kind of came too another driver was looking down at me and said are you going to be long drive im on the bay next …was the longest drive home ever …
Not me, but my stepbrother did something very similar, only he was less lucky, smashed his elbow, lots of surgery, and hasn’t been able to return to driving or any other sort of manual work since, some years back now.
Fortunately he had previously reported the door being faulty, and was able to be compensated financially.
had my old man throw a board from a taut on my head, my back locked solid stripping a tilt out in Sheffield. few other general knocks and scrapes but they were the 2 worst ones.
Chaining down steel in the dark at Dalton Airfield, was in a hurry to get to Knottingley that night, chucked the rope over the load to drag the chain over with and ran at full pelt round the back of the trailer - completely forgetting about the 6 foot overhang of RSJ. woke up a few minutes later !!! still have the scars on my forehead and nose exactly the same distance apart as the width of the RSJ 
I slipped off the back of one of Blake’s ERF’s near Leeds once and bashed my left knee. Thank Og for that Twin Splitter gearbox that meant I was able to get home, even though it was agony to press the clutch - I had to use my hand to push the leg down. You can be sure I did my best to avoid stopping anywhere.
Haven’t had any bad ones but a roll cage into the back of the ankle is not nice, and have banged head on roller shutters many times! The lesson is to push them fully open!
There was one time when I thought to myself, “you could have died right here” - when I was delivering in very windy weather and some guys were putting up scaffolding near me. Some enormous scaffold planks came down within inches of my head. A couple of guys just said sorry and we all carried on with our work.
Maoster’s has to be the post of the thread so far.
Worst I’ve had on lorries so far was a smack in the face by a roof support strut 
. Had much worse when farming though - so many kicks from cattle I’m not sure which side to limp on, that’s my excuse anyway.
checking the trailer backdoors etc after midnight on a Saturday night in winter at around -30c (Manitoba Canada) just after I parked up for the night in a near empty parking lot,just a quick wander round and intae the bunk ,still wae my short sleeved shirt on ,proper safety shoes ,a pair o gloves on …well it didn’t go to plan …I just turned the corner of the trailer and down I went legs straight out either side o me bouncing on me knackers,seeing stars etc I tried to stand up and my legs wouldn’t work KF…i ended up dragging myself from the back o the outfit and dragged myself intae the cab.
well I thought I must o pulled something and I will be better by morning …after 8hrs o unbelievable pain I thought I will try to get near the hwy NFC I couldn’t press a pedal ,so it was HELP time on to the phone to dispatch no bloody answer,well I thought the boss lives about half hr away so phoned him up ,by luck another driver was on his way out (another brit) and he stopped to help and drive me back to the yard (I also phoned my wife and she started the hr andhalf drive to my yard to bring me home as by now I knew I was fkd).
When we got back to the yard the boss an a few other drivers dragged me out o the cab and around that time my OH arrived and they carried me to the car .I refused to go to hospital in the city and my OH took me straight to my local hospital where I spent the next few days…long and short o it 5months of work on workers comp,i had torn one o my hamstrings and damaged nerves in my lower back. my painkillers had me me seeing elephants etc for the first month or so and the shakes when coming off them 
after the 5 months off the first day back at work on my first run I got a phonecall my dad had died suddenly!!! so another 2 wks off to come back to UK for the funeral.
I must have ran over a unicorn o something!!
I broke two ribs last year when the wind caught the trailer door and threw it round against me. Sent me flying it did!
Sprained my ankle getting out of a 3 stepped Merc after being used to a 2 step Volvo, the worst part being that I fell arse first into a rather deep puddle
leeman:
Winding legs up on trailer,wound it to far and handle sprung back and hit me just above left eye,lucky not took my eye out,was quite swollen.Bag of Frozen Peas came in handy
probably a nice black eye as well,am I right
disgo:
Am I the only one that has released a roof post in a curtainsider,one of those with the handle that you lift up,when it popped out and smacked me on the bridge of my nose.
I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to hurt in that millisecond before it sat me on my backside.
lucky you didn’t have more damage done,them posts are bloody lethal
mattyboy:
I was doing school kitchen deliveries a few years back and I got put in a 7.5 fridge with no tail lift and a dozen cages on the back of all different shapes and sizes. Got to one primary school, did the drop no problem. Only problem I had was that the cages would only fit on the truck in a certain way (not the way I wanted). Anyway I got a bit aggressive with one cage and decided to kick it back into place which caused the cage to flip back at me, knocking me clean off the back. My back hurt, but not as much as my pride as it was 08:50 in the morning and I was in full view of the children and their mums going into the school!!!
embarrassing
Roller Shutter door - 1
NewBlood - 0
Was on the back of a 7.5t truck earlier this month, pulled the shutter down about 1/3 of the way, came down nice and smooth. I grabbed the strap thinking it was near enough to the ground that if i jump off I could get some momentum into shutting it fully. I jumped off the back, the door did not come down, ring finger in loop on end of strap, bent back, snap. if my finger was not in the loop, I would have been fine. I did not cry, but I did say Flip, and Sugar. Off work at moment, finger in splint, see what Hospital say tomorrow.
NB