My Mrs went back to work today after maternity leave and is knackered and dozing on the sofa beside me…The reason I mention this is she’s done something that clearly isn’t Euro 5 in her sleep 
This thread has had me in stitches, tears rolling down my face.
Which reminds me of once coming back from a camping trip in Belgium 20+ years ago, we didn’t want to bring any grub home so made a big meat stew type thing and tipped in everything we had from jam to cornflakes and brewed the lot up on our last night and drank a fair amount of beer around the fire. Next day we were foot passengers on the Zeebrugge - Felixstowe ferry and were all pretty manky, when we got back to Felixstowe we were stuck in the customs hall with about 200 other people going nowhere fast. One of the other lads looked a bit sheepish and apologised, and there was the worst god awful stench I have ever known, in a way it was biblical as it somehow parted the sea of people and we were out in no time. To this day remembered as the customs ■■■■.
Shortly after thatevent P&O stopped taking tourist traffic on that route and it became freight only.
a friend of mine is a bouncer,and when he was first starting out he was taking all the lotions and potions asociated with body building.on top of this he was consuming large quantities of chicken,tuna,pasta,eggs etc.he once lit a ■■■■ in the back of my vauxhall cavalier 1.6l,and no word of a lie,the flame touched the roof lining
Sat here crying reading this, haven’t laughed so much in ages, think the other half is sure I’ve finally lost the plot 
Keep it up folks!
Thetaff:
A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, ■■■■ like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail. “What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?” she breathed.“I’d say ‘neither am I’.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Really? I’m wearing none because it gives men like you…” she licked her lips, “easy access…”
“Oh?” I replied. "I’ve got none on because I [zb] myself in the gents
This story is not good without pictures 
You need pics of him ■■■■■■■■ himself…Don’t the Germans get turned on by that?
Let a nice one out the other day. Had the heater cranked up on full in the car, and let a popper off. Had my missus choking and even I couldnt bear the smell of it. I think it was the beef and beer stew she cooked me that done it, although I have been very windy the last few weeks.
Is that a ■■■■ eating grin?
8wheels:
Is that a [zb] eating grin?
It was; It’s been wiped now 
A bloke I used to know would let one go, followed by, ‘bit more choke, that would’ve started’. On occasion, there was a bit more choke and it well and truly started…
SuffolkLad:
A bloke I used to know would let one go, followed by, ‘bit more choke, that would’ve started’.
That used to be a favourite of mine. I would mix it up occasionally and go with, “Speak up Brown, you’re through,” instead.
mickyblue:
This story is not good without pictures
Below is a picture of a ■■■■.
gardun:
mickyblue:
This story is not good without pictures
Below is a picture of a ■■■■.
A bit blurry…
At least there’s no lumps in it!
Here’s one you can really see
This is an hilarious thread but to add a bit more fuel to it, my missus always denies that she ■■■■■ but when you see her laughing for no apparent reason you know that the diarrhea type of woman’s ■■■■ smell will hit you soon, there is no way it would start with more choke either - it is definitely flooded!
I seen a lass ■■■■ at a bus stop once. It was proper cold, and there was a wee puff of steam from her seated area.
Not that I was looking at her arse like.
Brilliant thread this,cracking me up.
Used to double man with a mate of mine, was having a break one day and i was passenger. I had my feet splayed out over the dash, (boots off) when i felt one rattling up. i let it out and, my life, It was a real stonker !! My mate looked at me and said, and i quote “I’ve never heard ■■■■ all like that before !!” Shame was, no aroma ! He swears to this day he thought i was going to deflate !!! 
i`ve had that…you sort of feel cheated afterwards 
ashton gate:
Brilliant thread this,cracking me up.
Used to double man with a mate of mine, was having a break one day and i was passenger. I had my feet splayed out over the dash, (boots off) when i felt one rattling up. i let it out and, my life, It was a real stonker !! My mate looked at me and said, and i quote “I’ve never heard [zb] all like that before !!” Shame was, no aroma ! He swears to this day he thought i was going to deflate !!!
hiya,
No aroma, bleedin amateur.
thanks harry long retired.