There was a thread on here a little while back about drivers releasing the toilet tank on the motorway towards a rival. Coach 
Any memorable practical jokes you can remember?
bazza123:
There was a thread on here a little while back about drivers releasing the toilet tank on the motorway towards a rival. CoachAny memorable practical jokes you can remember?
Yeah the smell comes back into the coach!
We have dropped it before onto mates for a laugh, and often people use to leave them just to drip out to empty but it made the back of the coach stink so i never saw the point.
My 2nd Shuttle was with a Scottish guy who im sure they called Kenny Jardine. We were to do Estartit and i was along as his 2nd man, all the way down everything went ok but just something someone said had me wondering. When we got to the apartments he said he was off to see a mate and have a drink, i wasn't concerned as it was normal for the lads to have a beer or 2 before settling down for a kip. I went in search of the ■■■ shop and headed towards the beach to check that out before returning to get my head down. The steward who had been sharing the apartment told me Kenny had yet to return and we were due to get going shortly to go and load the coach. about 15 mins before we left in staggered Kenny, i was gobsmacked but said to him "ill do the first bit while you catch up on some kip" half hoping he would get in the bunk and sleep it off. He starts tirading that hes number 1 and i do as he says and hes driving first too!!!!Both me and the steward were dumbfounded, had i not just started there i would have kicked off with him big style but reluctantly i played 2nd fiddle to him and let him drive, i sat at the back with the steward and kept out of his way. At the Spanish border we get pulled in, im half hoping they just cart him away there and then, his driving had also been good but he clearly stunk of drink. He got away with it and back safely to the UK, i stormed in to see the Transport manager and told him in no uncertain terms i would not work with him ever again, no one ever asked why either, i was told from then on i would be on my own coach and thats the way it stayed. My other incident with Kenny was when he was doing the Yorkshire and North East feeder as a stand in for the regular Geordie bloke Brian. I used to travel up on a Friday night back to Wakefield, see the kids then go to the local pub with the wife on a night before returning to the pick up spot Sat to finish my kip back in the bunk back down to Watford . Kennys Feeder only went as far as Bradford that weekend, he was moaning that it only had 1/4 tank of fuel and he wasnt filling it, i just ignored his bravado and told him id ring him in the morning, he then says "im going out for a drink with my mate tonight" I said to him i know your drinks will you be up, he says "yeah, ring me at xxxx time just to make sure". When i rang the number i got no answer, kept trying and trying. I said to the wife lets go down to the pick up just in case and continued to try and contact him, he was now about an hour late while we kept a low profile in the car away from the punters, i rang the office and they failed to raise him as well, we didnt know were he or the coach was so i told the office to ring me if they heard anything. At 1430 ish i got a phone call saying if i still wanted to go out on the shuttle the coach was at Wooley Edge as it had run out of fuel and they would have it going again very shortly, i politely decided and said i would give this one a miss. The pick up time from Wakefield was about 0630 so you can imagine the delay!, i did think at least Kenny will get the sack for this but he didn`t and continued to work for Club for sometime.
The other potential farce was on the ferry we heard that the Italian Cantabrica bottom end drivers were going to go on strike over some money issue, now they may have had a point but leaving 2 coach loads of passengers dumped at a services wasnt on in my books. The road foreman wonders over to me and Adrain and says what are you going to do about it, " ill drive it all the way if i have to" was my simple response to which he says "ill leave it to you boys to sort out". Adrian and myself got deep into thought about how it should be done and we both decided that we would take our own coaches to Jesolo and the number 2 drivers get off as planned and go have some kip. they were to drive 4 hours down to Sebino from Basle while we selpt in the bunks, We would drive to Jesolo and back to Sebino were the fresh drivers would jump in to the evening meal stop then on again after while we slept. It wasnt ideal but i couldnt leave my punters just hanging. To their credits our teabags volunteered to go all the way and keep us going (im almost sure mine was Rosie that day too) as they normally rested up with us. When we arrived at Sebino the bottom end drivers were there to meet us, they knew we planned on doing the job come what may and nowt further was ever mentioned. Dave Stewart wondered over to me on the return and said “Thank you for that” as Adrian had told him over the phone the plan at some point.
The only other time i was a 2nd driver was when i should have gone to Antibes, Iwas to drive to Paris CDG airport were i would pick up one of the feeder drivers who was flown out. I didnt fancy that on 2 counts, the farce to the airport and id heard Antibes wasnt that good either, When Barrys 2nd man was getting into a state over going to Italy i offered to swap which he accepted much to my pleasure. Barry seemed a bit of a grumpy git and i wasnt sure id get on with him but we had a great laugh, I met him again a couple of years later when we were off skiing, we had just got our coach in Dover and it hadnt been checked as usual buy our depot before leaving so i was keen to check the chains to make sure they were intact, i spotted Barry and nodded towards him and smiled thinking ill have a natter with him on the ferry , one of the young up start Club drivers then decided to take the ■■■■ out of me for checking the chains, i looked up to clock who it was and saw Baz with a big grin on his face waiting for my response, i waited till we were all in the drivers room with the maximum audience before letting this kid have both barrels much to Barrys amusement. He says these are the sort of crap they are sending me with and we proceeded to catch up. We also met up again when i took my car and family to Clubs campsite in Jesolo, by then Barry was bottom ending.
Happy days, shame my time ended with me ending up poorly and returning back to work for a Northern company, I ended up getting 2 further Wakefield lads down there to work, my former house mate Mick Helm stayed down to live in Watford with a former teabag and another driver Alan who was having a few issues at the went to Club against my advice and ended up losing his job and licence after being caught over the limit on the summer Saturday clampdown at Ferrybridge .
We stayed at Micks house about 5 years ago, and had a BBQ and a few beers, John Delaney was a mad as a hatter Irish bloke and a good laugh, he turned up with his wife and kids (dirty old git was still knocking them out at 60! lol) He took his wife and kids to Paris in the car for a holiday, When his wife said “Thats the ■■■■■■■ 3rd time we`ve past the Effiel tower, do you know where your going” his European reputation went up there and then in smoke and we gave it to him , happest days of my life were spent driving coaches.
I finished full time coach driving in 2001 when my eldest lad told me not to tell him off as i wasnt at home, Those words he said played on my mine and i handed my notice in that week, Shearings offered me every job to try keep me but family had to come first, and you only made good money while you were away.
Did you work there in 98 Citycat ? i also did about 6 weeks in 2002 while wait for another job to start.
citycat:
Regarding, the number one driver gig. I never wanted it either and the responsibility that went with it. Just wanted to be number two and drive. However, sometimes I had no choice but to be number one because I was known as a calm driver so the office always put the agency guys or newbies with me. Lost count of the number of times I had to babysit a driver. I would normally put him in the seat down to Dover while I did the passenger list for the ferry. However, I was also keeping a discreet eye on the new guy’s driving, and could normally tell within the first half hour whether it was going to be a good trip or not? I personally took pride in driving the coach as smoothly as I could. Gentle acceleration and braking, and try not to let the passengers feel a single gear change. Especially with a steward or stewardess at the back serving hot drinks. The number of drivers though that just could not drive the coach smoothly
Yep, harsh drivers was one of my bug bears. Cant remember any real bad ones from Club but ive had some numptys at Shearings over the years. Doesnt take long to access them does it! I remember when we were going down on an empty coach to Dover the driver was hurling us around on the A1 and at the next roundabout i held a coffee over his head, it had the desired affect and the numpty slowed down! I missed the banter with your mates and some good laughs with the punters, even the school jobs were great if youve got a decent set of teachers, dancing up and down the isle of the coaches to relieve the boredom like this
Having a sing song,to a well known party song!
None of the truck driving jobs has ever given me the satisfaction i got out of European Coach driving.
Winter driver training, on the skid pans
Seeing the sights of Europe
Free Skiing trips all while being paid
I do wonder if i`ll ever drive a truck again!
bazza123:
There was a thread on here a little while back about drivers releasing the toilet tank on the motorway towards a rival. CoachAny memorable practical jokes you can remember?
That was me talking about that a while back. In the old days, releasing the toilet would have caused a laugh on both sides, including the recipients. However, I think that if you did that today, the incident would be captured on somebody’s dashcam, forwarded to your employer resulting in disciplinary action, and the drivers on the receiving end of the tank would be applying for compensation for the resulting traumatic stress of clearing turds out of their radiator grill.
It’s a different world these days, with regards to practical jokes 
Here is a reprint of my old post :-
Sat Feb 15, 2014 7:47 pm
One co driver I worked with (a certain Mr Bright) while doing Italy and South of France didn’t like Germans, or French, or Italians, or any nationality really. Don’t know why he drove coaches in mainland Europe in that case? Anyway, he was well known for carrying a box of massive firework style bangers in his briefcase and occasionally lobbing one out of the bunk window at passing cars, especially if they were one of the nationalities mentioned above, and especially if they were towing a caravan which he hated.
One evening, I was driving through France while he was on break down in the bunk, when suddenly there was a massive bang under the coach which startled all the passengers. I thought we had blown a tyre or something and pulled onto the hard shoulder. At the same time, the co driver emerged from the internal bunk hatch looking a bit sheepish. Apparently, he’d lit up a banger with his ■■■ and lobbed it out the window to catch a German artic he’d spotted, but the slipstream had blown the banger back in and he’d had to dive for cover under the duvet as his ‘grenade’ went off. We had to quickly come up with a cover story for the reason for the bang to placate the nervous passengers.
Another co driver liked to hang his bare arm out of the bunk window and leave it flapping in the slipstream, to wind up passing car drivers into thinking there was a dead body packed into the luggage compartment of the coach.
Also, it was quite good fun as you were passing a rival holiday company coach, for the second driver to go back and drop the on board chemical toilet by opening a valve. I didn’t take part in that particular type of ‘jape’, but I know drivers that did.
The joys of driving express holiday coaches down to the Med 
M629KVU was at Turners Tours, Chumleigh. I knew I’d seen that reg somewhere.
Great photos and a good story to read about the antics.
I used to park up at Lloret del Mar.Coach station there or go around the back of the hotels and park on wasteground.
The coach drivers i met had some stories to tell.
When the coach got cleaned,the garage staff found womens underwear under the bunk.
Women who were married and left husbands at home
,would have a fling with the driver and sit behind him on the journey to flash her undies in the rear view mirror.
mucker85:
M629KVU was at Turners Tours, Chumleigh. I knew I’d seen that reg somewhere.
It was part of a long order of coaches that year, iirc it was M621KVU-M688KVU. The first 10 were used for shuttles as they were Jonckeeres with bunks fitted, for some reason they didnt stay in the fleet as long as the reminder of the batch with Van Hool bodies, none of them had bunks and if you did an overnight with one your rest was in the crew seat which is not ideal. Van Hool would not fit a bunk on top of the diesel tanks like Jonckeere did, when Van Hool did fit a Bunk 2 years later they moved the diesel tanks to over and between the back wheels and although you had a much larger space there was no window and didnt seem much protection should you have a blow out, plus the diff whined like hell!. The best place for the bunk was over the top of the engine like Clubs Berkof`s had, enough room for 2 to sleep a window for fresh air too, the Volvo engine was very quiet too, the low whistle of the turbo raising and lowering with the gradient soon had you off to sleep. You can see the window in them just behind the front offside wheel.
Another pic of 629 at a Wine bottling plant, the Frascati wine wasnt to my taste but "owt for nowt". You can see the bunk window behind the back wheel  One of the Van Hools outside our hotel in Prague
Some great pics there Citycat, the alternator did take some stick with the microwave and all the other electricals working off it. Did you work at Club in 98 ? I was also on the main shift too. John Delaney was a great laugh, i can just picture him pushing the Teabag in! lol. The Crew swap was moved to small Italian campsite at largo diso the year i did it, at first we took the coaches there, then they sent a company car down and we swapped at Sebino services . A Peugeot estate iirc.
On my first trip with “upside down head” we chased round some Volvo places in Milan because he was panicking the amps were a bit low, it caused quite a bit of delay and personally i would have just run with it and asked the hostess not to use the microwave till the following morning when the lights were turned out. We did in fact make it back after no faults could be found short of replacing the alternator, in my mind we had just wasted time !
The Volvo B10M was a fantastic chassis and never let me down, it started to lose out a bit when emissions cut the engine down down and body weights increased.
toby1234abc:
Great photos and a good story to read about the antics.
I used to park up at Lloret del Mar.Coach station there or go around the back of the hotels and park on wasteground.
The coach drivers i met had some stories to tell.
When the coach got cleaned,the garage staff found womens underwear under the bunk.
Women who were married and left husbands at home
,would have a fling with the driver and sit behind him on the journey to flash her undies in the rear view mirror.
I was a holiday rep in Lloret de Mar for two years. Best two years of my life
That was me talking about that a while back. In the old days, releasing the toilet would have caused a laugh on both sides, including the recipients. However, I think that if you did that today, the incident would be captured on somebody’s dashcam, forwarded to your employer resulting in disciplinary action, and the drivers on the receiving end of the tank would be applying for compensation for the resulting traumatic stress of clearing turds out of their radiator grill.
Nice pics & a trip down memory lane 
My shuttle days (early to mid 90’s) we had Neoplan Skyliners & Cityliners - the bog drop button for these was in the engine compartment & so you had to be stationary before you let it go - the bunk on these Neoplans were crap but anywhere quiet & away from the punters was fine by me
jon boy 100:
Some great pics there Citycat, the alternator did take some stick with the microwave and all the other electricals working off it. Did you work at Club in 98 ? I was also on the main shift too. John Delaney was a great laugh, i can just picture him pushing the Teabag in! lol. The Crew swap was moved to small Italian campsite at largo diso the year i did it, at first we took the coaches there, then they sent a company car down and we swapped at Sebino services . A Peugeot estate iirc.
On my first trip with “upside down head” we chased round some Volvo places in Milan because he was panicking the amps were a bit low, it caused quite a bit of delay and personally i would have just run with it and asked the hostess not to use the microwave till the following morning when the lights were turned out. We did in fact make it back after no faults could be found short of replacing the alternator, in my mind we had just wasted time !
The Volvo B10M was a fantastic chassis and never let me down, it started to lose out a bit when emissions cut the engine down down and body weights increased.
I worked for Cantabrica off and on from 1988 to 2011. I came over with Len Wright Travel who I was working part time for, when they moved from Isleworth in West London to the yard in Watford. I’d originally been a holiday rep for NAT Holidays, Leeds, and they also taught me to drive coaches as they had their own driving school. When I landed at Cantabrica, they still had a few of the old Volvo Bermudas in service. Massive bunk and a very sloppy feeling gearbox I seem to remember?
I only ever worked part time for Cantabrica in all those years, as I wanted to dictate how often I worked, not them. There was a period though when I never went back to them for five years. Coming back from Spain one time, we stopped to fuel up at Macon. The other driver was still in the bunk so I was to fuel the coach. I forgot to bring the ‘T’ key out with me to open the fuel flap to get to the filler cap. Being a lazy ****, I decided to use the ignition key to turn the square lock. Big mistake ! The key snapped in half. Being the middle of the night, it wasn’t easy getting a fitter out with a new ignition barrel and key. Six hours we were stuck at Macon, blocking a fuel pump, upsetting a few truck drivers as well as all the upset passengers we had on board. Plus, the other driver was upset with me too 
By the time we got back to Watford, all the regional coaches had long gone and we had a full load of passengers for everywhere in the UK. Cantabrica had to spend a few thousand quid on train tickets, mini buses, hotel rooms, some plane tickets to Edinburgh etc to get everyone home. Plus the cost of the fitter who charged about £800 call out fee. I was so embarrassed at having caused so much expense, delay and chaos, that I slunk out of the yard and never went back for five years. When, I eventually had the courage to ring up about some shuttle work years later, Cantabrica said "where’ve you been? When I reminded them of the broken ignition key incident, they said “aah, that was nothing. Two weeks later, another driver had caught the full lenth of the nearside of a coach on a railing, and cost the company 20K, and he was still working for them”
The Volvo Berkhofs of J, K, L, and M reg were always the best in my opinion. Although low, the bunk seemed huge, and as said, you could easily get two in, so you often top and tailed with the hostess so she could get some kip. One time, we had three in. Me, the hostess, and her sister who was travelling passenger. It’s not how it sounds though. We all kipped, so there was no ‘■■■■■■■■■■■■■■’ unfortunately
Talking about the alternator, we once went empty down to Italy near the end of the season. Just past Strasbourg we noticed the battery wasn’t charging, so the office diverted us to a Swiss Volvo garage in Prattein, near Basle. It had to be the cleanest and best appointed garage I’ve ever seen. The one mechanic on duty had immaculate orange overalls with not a mark on them. The floor of the garage was so clean you could have eaten off it. There was a chill out area on a upper level where there was a sofa and tv and a fully stocked fridge with drinks, and snacks on a side table along with a coffee machine. It overlooked the garage so you could see your vehicle being worked on. Best of all, the mechanic handed us the keys to a complimentary Smart car so we could explore the area for the two hours it would take to change the alternator. We’d never driven one of these new fangled Smart cars so the co driver and I immediately took it out for a spin.
It was definitely a case of “if Heineken operated commercial vehicle garages, this would be it”
Here is a link to a previous thread that featured some Cantabrica photographs, jut in case Jon Boy 100 missed it?
Few more from the archives for Jon Boy 100
Another trip to Port Grimaud. two coaches going down to site.
My then girlfriend, now my wife, came on quite a few ‘regionals’ with me. Being Dutch, it mean’t she got to see quite a bit of the UK.
She got to see really glam places like Burnley, Blackburn, Huddersfield, Port Talbot, and errr Rochdale
Here she is, driving the empty Yorkshire regional around the coach park at Meadowhall, Sheffield. Considering it was her first time, she did pretty well, especially reversing it and using her mirrors !
