Helping Sploom & Winseer Maintain Their Faith

OUT OF HOURS BULLY'S TRUCKSTOP BAR (INTERACTIVE)
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Bensons Nails.

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson’s Nails. “Give me a week,” says the friend, “and I’ll be back with an ad.” A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Benson. He opens his laptop and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin “Use Benson’s Nails, they’ll hold anything.” Benson goes mad shouting: “What is the matter with you? They’ll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!”

Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Benson with another ad. He turns his laptop around and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says ‘Benson’s Nails, they’ll hold anything’. Benson is beside himself. “You don’t understand: I don’t want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I’ll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast.”

A week passes and Benson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them stops, turns to camera and says ‘If only we had used Benson’s Nails!’.

The Magi are walking into the stable when one of 'em trips on a loose
board, falls on his ■■■ and gets up muttering “Jesus Christ!”

Mary nudges Joseph and says “Y’know, that’s a better name than Homer.”

Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting?

A: It takes only one nail to hang a painting.

Q: How can we tell it was a jew who crucified Jesus?

A: Who else would tell the guy to cross his legs to save one spike?

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:

  1. He called everybody brother
  2. He had no permanent address
  3. Nobody would hire him

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:

  1. He went into his father’s business
  2. He lived at home until the age of 33
  3. He was sure his mother was a virgin,
    and his mother was sure he was God

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:

  1. He never got married.
  2. He never held a steady job
  3. His last request was a drink

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:

  1. He talked with his hands
  2. He had wine with every meal
  3. He worked in the building trades

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:

  1. He never cut his hair
  2. He walked around barefoot
  3. He invented a new religion

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:
1.His first name was Jesus
2.He was always in trouble with the law
3.His mother did not know who his father was

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CULTIST:

  1. He formed his own secret group of 12 followers.
  2. He claimed he had special connection to God.
  3. On the third day after his death he went up to the spaceship.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IN ADVERTISING

  1. He found himself regularly praying for mercy.
  2. He liked to make big speeches at supper.
  3. He was adamant that even the most whopping sins can be forgiven.

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A RASTAFARIAN

  1. He was from Babylon.
  2. He wore dread locks.
  3. His picture is on the zig-zag package.
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This episode of (I think It’s the Simpsons) “Preparing for Persecution” is quite fun:

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:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

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:open_mouth: BLASPHEMY !!
You should be ashamed…and STONED !
youtu.be/wciENFKUelY

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> robroy:
> You should be ashamed…and STONED !

Can’t get the pure stuff anymore so sadly I can be ashamed but rarely Stoned.

I do remember a couple of work-related incidents:
Once going over the mountain between Damascus & Beirut I filled up in a Lebanese filling station and instead of Green Shield stamps, they gave me a lump of very powdery Red Stuff, like OXO cubes but much softer, they tell me you are supposed to smoke it. :unamused: :unamused: :unamused:

Not long after I found a nice ■■■■■■■■■■■■ surrounded by Cedar Trees, just getting the stove out for a brew when Abou Easy Rider of the Lebanese traffic squad turns up on his Harley complete with aviator specs etc.
So we shared tea and this thing he called a ‘splif’, I think it had the same ingredients as the powdery Red Stuff I got from filling up.
Anyway, we eventually parted company and as I wasn’t in a rush I took to my bunk for a power nap & power dreams.

I encountered that red powdery stuff another time, I stopped to fill up on the outskirts of Homs, it was early afternoon & no one much about. At the northern end was a cafe with tables in the garden, as I was on time to make the Syrian/Turkish border before it shut I thought why not have a coffee & sandwich.

Apart from me, there was only one other customer, at a table in the garden, I noticed Mine Host go out to him and do some sort of slight of hand which suggested an exchange of something not on the menu. Anyway, when he came back to the counter I smiled at what I had seen him do, which resulted in an offer of him offering to share a local delicacy.

Obviously of the persuasion of ‘When in Rome do what the Romans do’ I expressed my gratitude and we sat at the counter whilst he stuck 3 Rizla papers together and then laid a Benson & Hedges cigarette on the Rizla papers, then he took a large amount of the previously described Red Powdery organic substance and covered the B&H ciggy until it was just possible to stick the 2 ends of the Rizal papers together.

He then set fire to it and taking the filter end into his mouth took 2 or 3 deep breaths before handing his smoking Fire Stick over to me, having watched him I followed suit and took quite a few deep breaths. I can’t remember much after that but being a professional I knew the best thing was to go back to truck, draw the curtains and continue next morning.

So threatening me with being stoned isn’t going to work as they have done it to me a few times in the Holy Land and on the road To/From Damascus