Funny Stories

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS THE UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUM (INTERACTIVE)
1

What about a section with funny stories ? I’ve got a few I could tell about some of the more embarassing situations I’ve got myself into. We could all do with a good laugh after work. I’m new to this forum so I’ll apologise now if I’m being a bit too pertinent ! Anyway here goes, you’ll definately LOL at this one…

It happened about 12 years ago. I took an empty trailer down to Newport docks from Redditch. Dropped it and coupled to a trailer loaded with Bananas and then left for an 0800 tip in Bolton. Eventually I tipped the bananas and started to drive back home.

Coming down the M6, I decided I needed fuel so pulled into Sandbach MSA and put myself on the pumps. I was driving a Mercedes SK with twin tanks so I filled the n/s tank first and then slung the nozzle over the catwalk and proceeded to fill the o/s tank.

Whilst the tank was being filled I walked to the rear of the trailer to check the level of the fridge tank (the tank was at the rear not under the landing legs as is normally the case) and decided that I would have to fill that tank as well.

I walked back to the cab, inserted the ignition key, started the engine and pulled the vehicle forward so I could fill the fridge tank. As I pulled forward I heard an almighty crash - I’d only left the nozzle in the o/s tank and somehow (as I pulled forward) the nozzle got caught between the fifth wheel and a chassis rail and pulled the pump over (onto its side) ! There was diesel everywhere…

I decided the best course of action was to go and pay for the fuel as if nothing had happened. I managed to blag it by telling the cashier that the vehicle which had fuelled previously had done it. Luckily she accepted my version of events even though I couldn’t remember the make, model or registration number of the previous vehicle.

Got back in the truck and left rather hastily. Five minutes later I got a call from my boss asking about the incident so I told him the same story as I had told the cashier.

Another five minutes later and the boss is on the phone wanting to hear about the incident in more detail. I explained my concocted version again but added a few more embellishments. Several times during the conversation he gave me the opportunity to tell it how it really happened. Like a muppet, I stuck to my story, thinking I had got away with it. He then asked me to turn back and tell Sandbach’s Manager that his CCTV system was either knackered or was obviously lying !!!

I never got the sack but got made redundant a month later. He called me all the names under the sun and went into great detail of what he would like to have done to me.

Got to be a classic, only I could drop myself into so much of the brown stuff. Believe it or not, this was not an isolated incident…!!!

Anyway, its a learning curve - some of us learn from our mistakes; others, like me, get the nickname “Lucky” (because I’m not). If its going to happen, its going to happen to me !!!

2

Yep good one :smiley:

I went down to huntingdon to swap a trailer when i got there i droped trailer and got chatting to another driver (as you do) finished chatting and away i went!

60 miles later it clicked …no empty trailer on back! so had so swing round and go back for it!

when i got back to yard even the security had gone home! :confused: :laughing:

3

Oh nice one Critic… Just had a right old giggle at your one mate… LOL… :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

4

i wonder how many drivers have done that critic and not admitted to it :wink: :laughing: :laughing:

5

well here goes,was asked to go to braehead in glasgow to pick up a full load 52pallets.the weather was real bad gale force winds and driving rain,the wind was that strong that it was blowing the mirrors out.anyway pulls a trailer of the bay at our depot, shuts the back doors and away i went. gets to location some 40mins later. reverses onto loading bay and our implant opened the back doors,he shouts me out and says i can’t load this, how not i replied :question: it’s got freight on it :exclamation: i said your talking through your backside i pulled it of the bay and shut the doors myself.he said have a look then, so i did and would you believe it , it did have freight on it.so off i goes back to depot. gets back to depot 40mins later puts the trailer back on bay 40 where i got it from,went into the office and one of the guys said did you get it jim, no i replied, why not :question: so i told him and the office staff could not stop laughing at me.then to top it all this warehouse lad said to me i’m looking for this trl that was on bay 40,have you seen it :question: yes it’s on bay 40 i’v just passed it. with that i walked away with a smile on my face, thinking if only he knew what i did. :wink: :wink: :laughing: oh just to add to that we got grounded after that due to the weather getting worse :laughing:

6

I went to the coco-cola factory in Wakefield(you know where I mean! where you have to pull the curtians and swap trailers) anyhow I was told to drop trailer at bay 56 then pick up new trailer from 100odd. so off i went and could I hell as like get on a easy (ok blind) reverse but nowt arround after 3 or 4 goes I droped it on bay 61 :smiley: , off i went and picked up 100odd and scarpered :smiley:

I still to this day wonder what the guy who was to drop his/her trailer on bay 61 did! :smiley:

I also once took a truck to Elgin about 200 miles from us and because we did’nt have mobile phones then, I had too find a phone box …when i did I picked up the wrong trailer 12 instead of 21 :smiley: its the only time I have ever got the sack :smiley: :grimacing:

Still they is time :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

7

5 Years on the road as a low loader driver, I thought I knew it all. The job in question was to collect a Komatsu 24 ton excavator from a certain ( un-named ) college on the out-skirts of Worcester and deliver it to another site by
7-30 A.M.
Pitch black,6-00A.M, I found the site. Not being able to reverse the trailer to the machine I thought "I know, I’ll bring the machine to the trailer ".
As it was an un-made country lane, 24 tons of tracks would cause no problems. How could I be so wrong?
Maglite in hand, spare buckets swinging on a chain, off I went. “Great” I thought, this is easy. Or so I thought.
TWANG!! What was that ? ■■■■ ! up with the Maglite - a telephone wire !
Stop Stop Stop! and so I did.
Climbing up the boom of the machine I carefully untangled the offending wire, at the same time thinking “Sssshhh” - did’nt see that! Down I went to continue and then disaster.
Climbing in to the cab the Maglite shone on a piece of wood.A big piece of wood. A telegraph pole followed by a spaghetti mix of wires. Oh no.
I counted 6 lines and decided to phone in, our transport manager being on 24 hr call.
“Do’nt worry” he said, and told me to carry on regardless and load up, as he would sort it out.
At around 10-30 A.M. I had a call on the mobile.
“Are you the person who witnissed the damage at the college this morning?”
the caller said, "Yes " I replied,a bit embarrased.
"I’m the B.T. engineer on my way to the job. Could you tell me the damage please " he said
“Yes” I said, "You’ll need 1 pole, a junction box, and at least 6 new lines ".
“Cheers mate” he said, “the call was anonymous but you seem to know a bit more, are you with B.T.?”
Still shaky, my only reply was “No, I’m with Orange!”

Never again!!!

8

:blush: :blush: A bit embarrasing this, but worth a laugh.

Parked in layby on A42 North for the night, got a curtainsider, so put N/S wheels on kerb & shut down for the night. Early hours, 1/2 asleep, needed the side of truck badly :wink: , opened passenger door, jumping out and straight down a 20’ grass bank !!! Yes, I was just in my under-crackers & yes when I climbed back up the bank covered in mud & grass stains, there was a husband & wife sat in car behind me :open_mouth: . I casually waved & climbed back in cab. :blush:

Moral of the story - Be careful where you park at night… :smiley: :smiley:

9

Working in a Psychiatric unit, it was not uncommon to be told I was told to…
By XYZ on the radio, TV or even in my dreams or from a UFO.
One girl had real problems & often had auditory illusions, but one
re-occurring theme was staff talking to her on the radio, TV etc. Then the voices heard on her bedroom radio started to increase to the point were she did not feel happy in here room. This continues for several months until someone whilst in her room talking to her overhears a personal telephone conversation taking place via her radio, it seems the new cordless phone in the office was being picked up by her stereo.
Just goes to prove the point that just because you are paranoid it does not mean they are not after you.

10

cornish trucker:
:oops: :blush: A bit embarrasing this, but worth a laugh.

Parked in layby on A42 North for the night, got a curtainsider, so put N/S wheels on kerb & shut down for the night. Early hours, 1/2 asleep, needed the side of truck badly :wink: , opened passenger door, jumping out and straight down a 20’ grass bank !!! Yes, I was just in my under-crackers & yes when I climbed back up the bank covered in mud & grass stains, there was a husband & wife sat in car behind me :open_mouth: . I casually waved & climbed back in cab. :blush:

Moral of the story - Be careful where you park at night… :smiley: :smiley:

i take it you have not done your parashut training yet that way you’ll know how to land properly.hehehe :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

11

i take it you have not done your parashut training yet that way you’ll know how to land properly.hehehe

Kitkat - is that part of the adr course? :smiley:

12

I used to to cart a hay and straw, boy did we have fun with that.

one day went into a farmyard early one dark morning and pulled the phone wires down, “don’t worry lad” said the farmer “it’s always happening”, and off he rushed to get a ladder.
I stood at the foot of the ladder holding on while he was at the top rejioning the cable.
He had one end of the cable in his teeth while he streched the other end to try and make a join.
Suddenly the ladder jolted and as I looked up he was quickly pulling the wire from his mouth and muttering [zb]'s.
“You all right up there” I shouted.
He replied, “It’s alright, some [zb] just tried to ring me up and gave me an electric shock”

Another delivery was a saturday afternoon delivery to a farm that could only be accessed by high loads through a rather upmarket leafy avenued residential area. Not sure whether I was using the correct approach I stopped and asked a couple walking the lane if they knew of the farm and if I was travelling the right direction.
All I got was a negative reply followed the usual anti HGV tirade about why did trucks have to be so big etc, and they carried on walking and turned into the drive of a house where a barbeque was taking place.
Just at that moment a battered old Land Rover appeared at the other end of the avenue, somebody got out and wolf whistled and gesticulated me to follow him, got back in spun it round and shot off.
Not wanting to lose him I set off without thinking about the trees lining the road until I passed the barbeque party house.
I brushed the substantial canopy of a large oak tree which combed out a large amount of straw and chaff that drifted slowly as a large cloud towards the house, and the party. As I looked in the mirror I could see people rushing indoors trying to avoid the debris, and people who had been caught tipping their contaminated drinks on the floor.

Yes, I’ve done my bit towards improving relations between Joe Public and the haulage Industry. :smiling_imp:

13

Still on the loads of straw theme, a mate of mine bought a stack of straw on a farm and left it until Novenber before he started to cart it to his customers.
So for several weeks he passed through a small town on his way back to cheshire without incident, until one Monday morning.
Over the weekend the towns folk had erected the Christmas lights in a criss cross pattern along the main street. Along comes my mate, and alerted by the sound of popping bulbs and the stampede of O.A.P.‘s as they legged it up the street away from him, he realises something is wrong and stops.
Anyway four hours later after a grilling by Plod and a back street detour to save the remaining lights he was sent on his way.
Plod blamed the light erectors as his load was under 16’ 6", so they let the lucky sod off.

14

manwell :laughing: :laughing: ive been crying with laughter ere reading about that farmer that has to be one of the funnyist things ive read nice one mate the mrs is still chuckleing :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

15

Many years ago i drove a R.L Bedford with a crane and ramps on it , which was used for recovery and was registered with the police for recovery, and was always needed by them, we were based in Derby and covered a wide area, well one snowy winters eve i was called out to ashbourne to a car that had gone straight on at a bend, it was well into the field and a bit of a one to recover but managed it ok, i was putting the ramps away and the plod was chatting away about how many had gone off the rd and he says its good to see a professional driver, with that i jumps into the cab and puts her in gear shouts see ya, the truck had two handbrakes that were dead the same in every way one for the brakes one for the winch yep your right i dumps the clutch as i let the hand brake off the truck juddered to a stall as the car fell off the back :blush: :blush: :blush: what a plonker i would like to say it was my first day but it was not i’d been doing it for almost a year, i was too busy patting my self on the back, plod just shook his head and walked away.

16

Was delivering a portable toilet tank to a show one day and as usual the place was mobbed with people, As I made my way through the gate and into the field a Land rover Discovery belonging to Her Majestys finest was trying to come the other way, just as we passed each other I heard a crash and looked in the mirror to see the crane legs embedded in the front bumper :blush: .

Obviously the officer wasnt amused and set about giving me a telling off for my driving. Anyway it got sorted out, and I dropped the tank and made for home.
A couple of days later I was sent to get the tank back, this time it was full. As I tried to uncouple the tank and the toilet the same officer from the other day arrived and wanted to know when I would be finished,I told him I was having trouble with the pipe and tank and would have to get tools from the kit.
As I went round to the side locker I heard a very loud swishing noise, as i rushed back round to the other side the officer was sitting in a large pool of [zb], :smiling_imp: :smiley: :smiling_imp: He had somehow managed to open the stop ■■■■ & release the pipe from the tank, the contents of the tank was now all over him. I didnt have the heart to give him a lecture about touching stuff you dont know about. I gave hime some cleaning stuff and one of those paper suits. Never did hear how he got on.

Morale of the story, JUST BECAUSE YOUR A COPPER THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU KNOW IT ALL. :smiling_imp:

Just a small one…if it needs stars, it’s not allowed…L. :wink:

17

ALBA:
Was delivering a portable toilet tank to a show one day and as usual the place was mobbed with people, As I made my way through the gate and into the field a Land rover Discovery belonging to Her Majestys finest was trying to come the other way, just as we passed each other I heard a crash and looked in the mirror to see the crane legs embedded in the front bumper :blush: .

Obviously the officer wasnt amused and set about giving me a telling off for my driving. Anyway it got sorted out, and I dropped the tank and made for home.
A couple of days later I was sent to get the tank back, this time it was full. As I tried to uncouple the tank and the toilet the same officer from the other day arrived and wanted to know when I would be finished,I told him I was having trouble with the pipe and tank and would have to get tools from the kit.
As I went round to the side locker I heard a very loud swishing noise, as i rushed back round to the other side the officer was sitting in a large pool of [zb], :smiling_imp: :smiley: :smiling_imp: He had somehow managed to open the stop ■■■■ & release the pipe from the tank, the contents of the tank was now all over him. I didnt have the heart to give him a lecture about touching stuff you dont know about. I gave hime some cleaning stuff and one of those paper suits. Never did hear how he got on.

Morale of the story, JUST BECAUSE YOUR A COPPER THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU KNOW IT ALL. :smiling_imp:

Just a small one…if it needs stars, it’s not allowed…L. :wink:

hey alba, how many times have you been stopped since that day :question: bet every one was worth it though :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: