the ballad of the crow
whenmen grow old and their storys told
heres one thats mine
about a man you know they call the crow
and his old f89
he was working out of stockport
for afirm they call r j
one of the best but like all the rest
a little short on pay
now the crow he left from manchester
late one tuesday night
the 89 was sounding fine
as he roared off out of sight
he met the lads in dover
and the saga had begun
there was chambo there and brooksy
john willy and corrigan
it all went wrong in germany
thats where he first fell
the b a g as you willsee
were going to give him hell
they checked his load they checked his tyres
they checked his tachograph
and when they saw he had broke the law
even they began to laugh
youve driven to long you driven to fast
and you didnt have your rest
and then they took a sample
ot his diesel for atest
mein gott they cried when they looked at it
this isnt even rose
now you schweinhund englander
vott haff you to say
well there wasnt much that he could do
but plenty he could say
when a sour faced kraut with a vicious shout
said vee vill make you pay
the crow he looked them up and down
and fixed them with his eye
he rolled a ■■■ and took adrag
and then made his reply
so you think you are the master race
well lets get one thing clear
we won the war you got what for
now pee off out of here
but the coppers were determined
and the fine two thousand marks
and they heard him curse and call them worse
than robbing bleeding sharks
two thousand marks you rotten pigs
thats what the old crow said
its more than what the job is worth
we have to run on red
you pay or you stay they said to him
now get your wallet out
you thieving nasty bleeders
the crow was heard to shout
and so he paid it broke his heart
it broke his wallet too
then corrigan gently asked him
what will you tell sue
dont tell susan geoffrey wailed
what they have done to me
its no joke if i go home broke
its bread and jam for tea
so the lads all had a whipround
but five quids all they got
they said take a hint were all skint
so thats your bloody lot
the first frontier to cross was czech
and the crow might well have knew
at the border there they met
a massive 12k queue
i,m not waiting fumed the crow
and so he jumped the queue
and he wasnt on his own
cos the others followed too
they crept on down to the front of the line
down to the customs shack
but it didnt do them any good
cos they all got sent straight back
for fifteen hours they waited there
till at last they all got through
thank christ for that the crow exclaimed
the lazy bleeding crew
on thru prague and brno
the crow he drove like hell
but at bratislava he was stopped
by a big queue there aswell
well thats it ive had enough
im sorry i came here
a hundred trucks in front of us
and no/ones any beer
they sat all day they sat all night
and half the next day too
out of ■■■■ and out of booze
and bugger all to do
at last they were in hungary
and south of budapest
they stopped at the containers
for a shower and arest
the next they got to varsand
and joined another bloody queue
and they gave the crow a number
it was one hundred and twenty two
what is this he hissed at them
i do not wish to dance
ah but we know you youll jump the queue
if you get half the chance
for two long days they waited
fed up and bored to tears
smoking cigs beside their rigs
and drinking dutchmens beers
now on the rumo border
they weigh every single truck
and as we know the poor old crow
was way down on his luck
four hundred marks please mister
thats what said to him
now you must pay or theres no way
that you can come on in
four hundred marks for what my girls
thats what i want to know
well youve tempted fate your overweight
now you must pay or go
four hundred marks youve got no chance
you ugly bleeding hags
but he changed his mind when the one behind
saiod he could pay in ■■■■
two hundred cigs they quoted
and the crow thought that quite fair
so off he went for a carton of kent
and left them on their chair
that night they got todeva
and parked amongst the turks
im off tobed john willy said
and the lads all grinned and smirked
the next morning brooksy asked him
because he thought he should
how much lei he d had to pay
and was she any good
not bad not bad john willy said
scratching at his crutch
but i have to say ten thousand lei
was far to bloody much
that night they got to giourgiu
and i wonder if youve guessed
i bet you knew they d meet a queue
as long as all the rest
there were 12 long ks of lorries
parked in that border town
and gypsy spivs with clubs and chivs
were hanging all around
now those gypsies down in giourgiu
were nasty little crooks
they d pinch your ■■■■■ or even worse
nick your best ■■■ books
they would harrass every driver
and snarl give us your cash
or just for spite when its dark tonight
youll get your tilt sheet slashed
now the crow was sipping a danish beer
when they gathered round his truck
but they soon knew that low down crew
that they had come unstuck
the crow he looked them up and down
and setting his beer aside
jumped from his rig with a fresh rolled cig
and poked one in the eye
now just eff off you shifty lot
and stay away from me
and he gave a clout to the nearesr lout
and swiftly brought up his knee
the rest of them all scattered
for it was plain to see
the crow is bad when he is mad
and so they left him be
so the queue crept slowly forward
each drivers heart aquiver
till at last the danger past
they crossed the danube river
the motley crew they drove on through
and into bulgy land
the black old crow was first to go
the rest behind as planned
well a hundred clicks on down the road
the crow he said ta ta
cos the rest were full for istanbul
and he didnt go that far
now at sofia central customs
the parking is quite dear
you have to pay thirty marks a day
so theres not much left for beer
and just across the road from there
stands a big brothel
where you can eat and for atreat
you can have a girl aswell
its called the novotel europa
where theres agirl for everyone
but you have to pay ahundred marks alay
and thats not any fun
now the crows so mean and nasty
that he would never pay for ■■■
so he just took a lingering look
from one girl to the next
and drinking is expensivetoo
within that den of vice
so the crow went down to a bar in town
and the beer was half the price
but when he went to bed that night
he was woken with a shock
when three hairy whores knocked on his doors
with a sharp insistent knock
do you want ■■■ please mistyer
said one in a dulcet tone
if you like i can stay all night
or just play the saxophone
now the crow was getting angry
cos his sleep had been disturbed
but she jst said i m good in bed
and stood there unperturbed
a full service costs just thirty marks
so does that mean i m hired
but she didnt know how bad the crow
could be when he is tired
now the crow he looked her up and down
and if looks could kill shes dead
he rolled afag and took a drag
and this is what he said
thirty bleeding marks he roared
thats twenty pints of beer
besides i m skint you stupid bint
now eff off out of here
and so they left the crow alone
and tried the truck next door
and one gave agrin as she got in
cos now she knew she d scored
the next he cleared custom s
and tipped just down the rod
and in his short sharp way he phoned rj
for the address of his back load
he got afax from richard
who said he d done his best
so dont refuse the load of shoes
he d got from bucharest
you can eff right off with that said geoffrey
i ll be there half the week
if thats yoiur best you can shove the rest
i ll load myself from greek
and so he loaded out of greece
and caught the ferry boat
from patras to brindisi
twelve hours or more afloat
he drove on up through italy
he was down to bread and marge
he told the bloke that he was broke
and knocked the main peage
thru mt blanc and into france
he thought it really great
theres no queue you drive on thru
cos theres no need to wait
as he was passing by auxerre
he saw a supermarket
it said cheap beer is on sale here
so he found a place to park it
he d bought cheap ■■■■ in greece we know
and now he was full of beer
like as not he d flog the lot
and make his mates pay dear
at last he came to calais
and knew the worst was over
he rolled afag and took adrag
and caught the boat to dover
he said the eec will do for ne
and not a ba d little earner
so stuff rj ill get more pay
if i work for davies turner
and so he tipped in dartford
and had driven home by six
he parked his rig lit acig
and went into the ostrich
now the ostrich serves up good strong beer
and it doesnt cost the earth
but the crow said pull until its full
i want my moneys worth
the crow was looking him up and down
and just then susan came in
and with a shout she dragged himout
with awry and rueful grin
just get in this car
and sober up i say
cos rj s phoned and if youre home
you can lod up right away
youre going back to sofia
and you lod at 8am
the crow said nowt cos he d passed out
at the thought of it all again
this is the story of the crow
and none of it is lies
and since that day i ve heard him say
thats how the old crow flies
this epic was written originally bt my brother tony it was obviously from one queue to the nexto
. It’s always good when somebody can add some more information on a post that was discussed quite a while back and I am sure that we all would like to see some of your old photos.
RIP driver 
