Well as promised here’s the first installment of the Borneo special.
FYI, the “White Rajahs” were a dynastic monarchy of the English Brooke family, who founded and ruled the Kingdom of Sarawak, located on the island of Borneo, from 1841 to 1946. The first ruler was Englishman James Brooke. As a reward for helping the Sultanate of Brunei fight piracy and insurgency among the indigenous peoples, he was granted the landmass of Sarawak in 1841 and received independent kingdom status.
Well guess what ■■■■■■■?? The Brits are back in town!!
Get ready for a tale of breakdowns, dehydration, sunburn and general insanity! 
After a reasonably early start I catch the National Express Bus down to Heathrow’s terminal 4 and board the flight to Bandar Seri Begawan, the Bruneian capital.
The bus trip was really good value at £21 from Nottingham and the flight was ok but unfortunately we had to wait on the runway at Dubai international for almost 2 hours due to thick fog after a quick stopover to refuel and take onboard more passengers heading South.
Eventually make it to BSB and have a quick look around town… It hasn’t changed much and must still be a candidate for the most boring capital city in the World. Nothing and I mean nothing ever seems to happen in downtown BSB.
The next morning I’m up sharp and carry my suitcase about 150 yds down the street from the hotel and catch the bus to Miri in Malyasia. This part of the journey takes almost 4 hours including breaks and immigration checks. Then it’s time to get another bus and head a further 200kms or so along the trans Borneo to the town of Bintulu where the fun is due to begin.
Slight problem, I haven’t got any Malaysian Ringgit on me, only Brunei dollars and there isn’t a money changer available at the bus terminal in Miri, nor is there a ■■■■■■■ ATM! So in 32C heat and 90% humidity I have to cart my bags half a mile down the road and over a flyover with a million steps to a shopping mall where there’s a money changer. Guess what? The money changer is closed for renovation and just when I’m about to have a Brits abroad moment and lose it big time I spot an ATM out of the corner of my eye where I manage to draw enough out to keep me going for a few days.
After a quick KFC I take up residence on the back seat of the bus and get ready for the spine shattering journey to Bintulu on one of the roughest roads in Malaysia.
I’m feeling pretty ■■■■■■ by this moment in time and when the bus pulls up for a pit stop at Batu Niah which is roughly half way I’m not too amused when some locals are checking out the size of my manhood whilst I’m taking a ■■■■ in the rest area. If they’d have been ladies I may have been slightly more polite but I certainly wasn’t in the mood for some Malaysian geezer trying to get a photo of the old man of hoy!
Eventually get to the site on the old airfield in Bintulu town centre where the crew are packing away the last few bits ‘n’ pieces.
I make a beeline for the old Foden that I used to drive and after 6 years or so without my lovin’ she’s looking decidedly worse for wear!
An Indonesian guy stays in the cab at night on security duties and it looks like he must have been hungry coz’ some ■■■■ has eaten the roof lining…!! These savages have ruined my favourite vehicle!!
Most of the trailers are ready to move and in a couple of days we’ll be enroute back to Miri.
This flat trailer carries a lot of spare parts and will make up a “cracking” part of the story in a few days time!!
They’ve even got a proper drawbar trailer!
I was hoping to have a go in this but apparently I’ve got to be reuinited with my ex (the Foden).
I arrived in Bintulu late on Friday night and by Monday morning it’s movement day!
A few last minute repairs are needed to this little ride and we’re ready for the off!
Can I still hack it in the jungle?? We’re about to find out!!
The Foden has got some serious issues and on 3 seperate occasions I declare that I won’t drive it but in the end they talk me round and I say ■■■■ it! Go on then, even though the the twin-splitter isn’t working and she’s only running on 4 gears, even though the brakes are dodgy, even though the powered steering is acting up, even though the clutch is slipping, even though she keeps losing air pressure and the spring locks keep coming on I’M HAVING A GO IN ANY CASE!
I haven’t come all this way to be a ■■■■■! It’s gonna take every ounce of skill that I’ve got (which probably isn’t much anyway) to get to Miri in this condition but there’s no way I’m giving up on this run…
Handed the movement permit from the JPJ (Malaysian VOSA) and with a pounding heart and sweaty palms I’m psyching myself up for it!!!
The plan is for me to follow the flat bed but there’s a slight problem… I haven’t got a trailer yet!!
That’s soon sorted though and it’s nearly showtime!
A car cuts me up on the first roundabout on the way out of Bintulu and I’m ■■■■■■■■ myself whilst sat at the traffic lights in case the spring locks come on but eventually we make it out of town and on to the open road!
Pass the road side cafe but I don’t feel hungry, it’s taking every ounce of concentration I’ve got to stay in a straight line!! No wonder nobody else wanted to drive this motor, it’s a certified death trap!
After 40-50 kms I start to relax a bit… The old girl has tried her best to throw me off the road but i’m still trucking and I’m starting to master the dodgy steering and brakes…
My co-pilot “Fellaini” doesn’t seem too bothered by it all… In fact he hasn’t said a ■■■■■■■ word since we left Bintulu (or maybe he’s just scared to death??).
We pass a good old burn out in the bush… At certain times of the year the visibility and air quality can be really poor due to Indonesian farmers burning their land South of the border and with the help of the prevailing winds the Malaysians up North end up with a few “Pea Soupers”.
Well that’s where I’ll leave it for now but there’s plenty more to come for those who may be interested…
I’ll try to get the 2nd. part of the diary up by tonight.
